Yes, the old clichés are true: the truth hurts — and it also sets you free. Here are 10 signs that he’s not into you.
Sign he’s just not into you: He says he’s not relationship material.
Listen to what he says. If he says that he’s not looking for a relationship, he doesn’t believe in marriage, he’s not relationship material, or he’s just “having fun,” don’t try to read beyond those words. Either he’s not into you, or he’s not into commitment in general. Take him at his word and move on to someone who values relationships the way you do.
Sign he’s just not into you: He encourages you to date other people.
If your date encourages you to date other people, it’s not because he wants to experience the enlightenment that comes with multiple dinner-plans partners; he’s just not into you enough to want you all to himself. If he’s still dating other people — and you’re at a stage where you feel you should be exclusive — then he’s not ready to commit to anyone. If he talks about those other girls, then he tells them about you, too. A man who is into you will want you exclusively and would be incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of you making romantic plans with other men.
Sign he’s just not into you: He won’t hold your hand in public.
You kiss in private, but he won’t go near you when you’re out in public. If he doesn’t want people to think you’re a couple — he probably introduces you to people you run into as his “friend,” right? — you probably aren’t one, or shouldn’t be. Even PDA-phobes should be okay with the occasional hand-holding or back-touching. You want to be with someone who’s proud to be associated with you.
Sign he’s just not into you: He’s available — at midnight.
Unless your date works super-crazy hours and literally gets off work at midnight, there’s no reason why the object of your affection should only make time for you late at night. Don’t become his booty call, his backup plan for when cooler plans fall through, and don’t settle for the less-than-prime hours of the day. If he’s into you, he’ll prioritize you at an hour that doesn’t inconvenience you or make you feel insecure.
Sign he’s just not into you: He won’t make plans in advance.
Sure, it might be a little much to expect your new boyfriend to commit to a weekend getaway nine months in the future, but if he’s hesitant to agree to dinner next weekend or a friend’s wedding next month, he’s probably not invested in the relationship. If he’s “keeping his options open,” then you’re not his priority. If he’s into you, he won’t have a problem adding a few future dates into his calendar.
Sign he’s just not into you: He avoids introducing you to his friends and family.
If he cancels on your family, or neglects to tell you his parents are in town until after the fact, he’s probably not into you — especially if you’ve been dating for a while. No, you don’t need to meet Mom and Dad after date two, but when you sense an avoidance strategy, he likely has one foot out the door. A guy who’s nuts about you will want his family and best friends to know how great you are, too.
Sign he’s just not into you: He guards his computer and phone when you’re around.
Everyone is entitled to privacy. No one should feel obligated to give up passwords or make their personal email account accessible to anyone. However, if your date consistently closes his laptop when you enter the room, keeps his phone with him when he goes to the bathroom, and behaves in a paranoid manner when you get close to his tech devices, he might be the untrustworthy one, not you. If his behavior is making you feel uneasy and insecure, speak up. If he’s into you, he’ll want you to feel secure and at peace. Side note: If you’re madly in love and in a super-healthy relationship, the computer/phone secrecy could be a sweet “researching engagement rings” thing. So don’t freak out if this is the only sign he’s not into you and everything else about the relationship remains solid.
Sign he’s just not into you: It’s always your house or his, never both.
If you’ve never been invited to his place, he’s keeping you at arm’s length for a reason. Yes, he might have the grossest roommate ever and he’s just trying to protect you from rabies or something, but even gross roommates are worth meeting at some point — and hopefully even leave the apartment on occasion. If he can’t share his home with you, he’s not interested in letting you get to know him. Likewise, if the two of you only spend time at his place — at his insistence — watch for relationship laziness. It’s more convenient that you come to him. He’s not willing to put any effort into tying his shoelaces and visiting your abode. If you spend all your time at chez boy and he still opposes you leaving anything there, he’s not into you enough to want a daily reminder of your awesomeness.
Sign he’s just not into you: He tells the same stories over and over again — and forgets the important stuff.
Some guys are just forgetful. Some, however, are not invested enough in a relationship to remember any details. Does he tell the same stories over and over, so disconnected from conversation that he’s not even listening to himself? Are important dates repeatedly forgotten or shrugged off? It’s one thing to forget a birthday; it’s another altogether to forget a birthday and not really care.
Sign he’s just not into you: He doesn’t return calls within 24 hours.
First, if you’re the only person calling and texting, evaluate your date’s interest in the relationship. Secondly, if your texts are consistently not getting responses within 24 hours, he’s not into you. When you’re crazy about someone, you can find thirty seconds to respond, even if it’s just a quick explanation as to why he’ll have to respond in greater detail later. Don’t hound the object of your affection, but expect him to be respectful enough to respond when you try to contact him. If he only answers your calls when he’s somewhere where call-display isn’t available, it’s probably time to find a new boyfriend.
Biggest red flag ever: If he doesn’t actually ask you out, he’s not into you. A man who wants you will make sure you know it.
Looking back, what were signs in your past relationship that he wasn’t interested? How long did it take you to see the red flags?