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Seven Simple Ways to Revolutionize Your Love Life

by eHarmony Staff

Entrepreneurs, inventors and innovators of all kinds insist that the simplest ideas are often the most powerful. Surely this principle applies to love and romance as well.


So here is a profoundly simple concept that could revolutionize your life and your love life: Accept yourself as you are and accept the person you’re dating as he/she is. After all, the key to contented living and satisfying relationships is the recognition that perfection is never a criterion for worth and value. So if you have some imperfections, it’s pointless to hide them. Let them become apparent—and then get about the task of self-improvement.

Acknowledge Your Baggage

Realize that everyone has areas that need work. Cut yourself some slack—and while you’re at it, cut others slack, too. No person’s self-worth is determined by their degree of perfection or imperfection. In any relationship between lovers or friends, family members or coworkers, the person who gains a clear perspective on herself or himself is always viewed as the healthiest, the most attractive, the one others want to be around.

Create an Atmosphere of Honesty

Honest people are thoroughly accepting of others just as they are. Since they can admit their deficiencies, they make it possible for others to deal openly with their own struggles and problems. Because they do not present themselves as flawless, they remove the pressure for others to live up to impossible standards.

Withhold Judgments

Those who are highly accepting are highly attractive. We love to be around people we know aren’t judging our worth and evaluating us to see if we “measure up.” The opposite is also true. A study that appeared in “Current Psychology” journal found that people with a high degree of perfectionism, an extreme belief in their own correctness, and a desire to find a partner with similar traits, are 33 percent less likely to describe their dating relationships as satisfying.

Seek Fulfillment - Not Perfection

As psychologist David Niven explains, “There is a difference between looking for something that is healthy and satisfying and looking for something that is perfect. The difference is that healthy and satisfying exist; perfect does not. Your relationship should contribute to your life and to the life of your partner. It should not be expected to provide you with someone who agrees with your every thought and preference or who can fill your every moment with joy. Seek fulfillment and you will find it; seek utopia and you will be looking forever.

Become the Person You Desire

If you want to find someone who will be a great lover and a great friend over many years and decades, look for a person who is accepting and accommodating. And if you want to create the conditions for a fabulous romantic relationship, cultivate this quality within yourself. Accept your own faults and foibles, and extend this same grace to those closest to you.

Adopt a 'You First' Attitude

If you notice that the person you’re with shows little regard for your wishes and opinions, is intent on getting his way, doesn’t ask about your life, and consistently displays a me-first attitude, you’re probably in the presence of someone more selfish than selfless, more bigheaded than bighearted. Unselfishness is central to any successful partnership.

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