The best time to keep dating is when you find yourself falling in love with one man. Seem like a contradiction? It’s not when you learn the rules for getting the love you want.
Say you think you’ve found “the one”. You’re attracted to him, you enjoy each other’s company, you’re compatible, and you even like each other’s quirks. You should pull the plug on your profile and stop communicating with other men, right? Wrong.
Devoting all your time and attention to any one man before he asks for the commitment you want can actually slow the process down. This is because men approach commitment differently than we do. It’s easy for us to imagine the wedding dress and to scribble his last name next to yoursimagine the benefits of a relationship. But men normally take a bit of time to come to a conclusion about where a relationship is headed. Remember, he has to “fall” in love with you.
And the best way to help him do that – and make sure you take the time YOU need to make a sound decision about him – is to keep dating other men. When a man can’t take you for granted because he sees you’re keeping busy and not putting all your hopes in him, it motivates him to move closer to you. It creates the need for him to “win” you all to himself. That’s when he’ll ask you for commitment – when he can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.
So how do you keep dating other men while keeping your sanity? The good news is that with eHarmony you’re presented with a bunch of matches – so get the most out of your subscription by meeting as many of your matches as you can. Then just follow my two rules: keep your options open and keep the focus on you.
Keeping Your Options Open
By dating I mean continue to flirt with men and accept invitations to meet for coffee or have dinner.
Doing this turns dating into a fun, worthwhile experience that lets you figure out what kind of partner you’re looking for. Every man you meet is a gift that allows you to learn about yourself and discover what you want – and don’t want – out of a relationship.
The other bonus to this approach is that your Mr. Right might actually look nothing like you had imagined. By not closing yourself off prematurely to dating, you allow the partner that’s truly right for you to find you.
Keeping The Focus on You
By taking the focus off any one man, you accomplish two things. First, when a man realizes that you haven’t made him the center of your world, it keeps him motivated to court you and win you over. If a man senses that you are utterly devoted to him before he has asked you for a commitment, it makes you actually appear less attractive to him. Men fall in love by giving to you, and he can’t do this if you haven’t created the space for him to do so – so give him the space!
The second reason you want to keep dating is that it changes your vibe and makes you even more attractive.
By focusing on yourself and doing the things that make you feel warm and romantic and wonderful inside, you become infinitely more desirable. This is what I call “dating yourself.” It means you treat yourself to the things you love. You buy yourself things that make you feel beautiful.
Instead of feeling desperate, you feel free. Instead of feeling needy, you feel generous. Dating yourself or flirting with other men makes you feel strong inside. It makes you feel wanted and desirable. Most importantly, it makes you feel that you have choices in how to feel fulfilled and happy.
Having the right kind of vibe is the key to finding the right man and inspiring his love and devotion forever. And, when you do have that relationship you’ve always wanted, continue to date yourself in order to keep the focus on what truly matters and inspire your man to appreciate you forever.
Rori’s “Circular Dating” is a step-by-step system that gets you the man and relationship your heart desires. To learn specific ways to keep your options open and keep the focus on you, including how to express your feelings effectively on a date, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn all about Circular Dating to change your vibe dramatically and inspire your Mr. Right to fall more in love with you every day – even after you’ve married him.