How to Approach a Woman

By eHarmony Staff

How to Approach a Woman

At the risk of sounding like the narration of a wildlife documentary, approaching women out in their natural habitat should be done with both extreme care and a little caution. Go in with too much noise and fervor, and you could find your prey scuttling away unexpectedly and without warning. The successful hunter is firm yet subtle, warm yet focused… and should consider these five useful tips.

THE EYES HAVE IT
Even before you’ve made your move, and certainly during it, eye contact is key. In the before stages, try and make sure you’ve at least engaged with them a little; if you’ve managed to catch each other’s eye, try and hold her gaze for just a moment. When you eventually move in for a talk, again think about eye contact: hold onto her gaze, and try and smile with your eyes. You want them to look friendly, not fierce, warm not weird – and please try hard to not let them drift down to areas that, at this stage, you shouldn’t be staring at.

SMELL THE DESPERATION
Even if you’ve not managed to secure a date for a month, a year or since Reagan was in The Whitehouse, focus your energy on keeping your desperation at bay: women can smell it in a crowded bar from 20 paces. Get things in perspective: you’re just popping over for a chat, saying hi, seeing if you click. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t, there’ll be another one along in a minute. Stay composed, relax, calm down … it’s all going to be alright.

A FINE LINE
Despite what you might have read elsewhere, unless you’ve the acting chops of Leonardo DiCaprio – and the looks to go with it – at all costs avoid a ‘line.’ You may think, “Somebody call God because he’s missing an angel” is totally hilarious, but a) it’s not and b) even if it was, you can’t deliver that line with the merest hint of authenticity. A line is just that – a line. It’s not you, it says nothing about you, and it places you amongst the throngs of men who have nothing original to say.

IF SHE’S HOT, SHE ALREADY KNOWS
While it’s always tempting to gush when faced with a beautiful woman, just imagine the lines and lines of men before you that have done exactly that. She’s heard it all, about her legs and her eyes and her hair… about every little thing that by now she knows is magic. Along with your disappearing into the throng of faceless menfolk, you’ll also seem singularly focused, after just one thing, impressed only with the physical. Try and comment beyond that, maybe about the place you’re in, the people she’s with, the people YOU’RE with, the music being played, the book she’s reading… anything that says you’re interested in the person, not just the body.

KEEP IT REAL
There’s a simple truism that permeates the process – be yourself. The more of an act you’re putting on, the more you’re trying to be someone impressive, the more your attempts to be the guy you think she wants you to be, the more you’re likely to fail. Instead, be the best version of yourself; be confident without being pushy, interested without being nosy, and attentive without being creepy. Let them see the real you, because at the end of the day, that’s who you want them to like.

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