We women are taught that men don’t like talking about feelings and emotions. What’s more, our fears seem to be confirmed when we ask a man what he’s thinking or feeling only to experience him closing up on us.
But the truth is that men have feelings and need to share them just like we do – what they don’t appreciate is being pushed into talking about feelings or seeing us become overly emotional about ours.
A man will naturally open up to you when you become vulnerable and create a safe environment for him. Here’s how to pave the way for a real heart to heart.
Step 1: Open Your Heart First
Right now you must be thinking, “Why should I have to open up first?” And the answer is that ALL human beings feel more comfortable sharing what’s on their minds and in their hearts with a person who is being open and honest. Think about it: how connected do you feel to a woman who appears perfect and without a care in the world? Now think about the last time you had a good chat with a girlfriend who bared her soul to you. It made you feel like you could relate to her and share your own experiences, right?
It works the same way with men, but even more so in the presence of a woman. That’s because we have a tendency to be more emotional and more oriented towards feelings, while men typically grow up being praised for the things they do. They are so wrapped up in the masculine energy of doing that they have less practice than we do when it comes to getting in touch with their emotions. And the best way to help them do this is by becoming vulnerable.
To become vulnerable, you first need to embrace your emotions instead of stuffing them down. Let’s say a man is not calling you as often as you’d like. You’re feeling insecure, lonely, and angry at the same time. But if you lash out at him, he’ll become defensive and retreat.
You need to express your feelings in a clear way that doesn’t judge him or hold him responsible for your feelings.
Step 2: Encourage Sharing By Expressing Your Feelings The Right Way
Instead of launching into an attack when he does call, say, “It feels so good to hear from you! I’ve missed you lately.”
Doing this accomplishes several things: it let’s him know you like him, it praises him for having called you, and it communicates that you’d like more of the same…all without placing demands on him. This is key. By learning to open up and share your real thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn’t blame him, you will have the best of both worlds. You’ll be true to yourself, and open to the give and take of a relationship. Instead of becoming negative and defensive, a man will melt when he hears this and open his heart up to you.
For example, a man who has a high-stress job may have become accustomed to women becoming overly emotional when he doesn’t call. So he protects himself by closing off to you. Be the woman who makes it a pleasure for him to unburden himself – an oasis. If you don’t freak out when he takes a while to call and let him know you miss him as above, he will be more inclined to share with you what’s going on for him. He will feel safe with you and freer with you to say what’s in his heart not just in this situation but in the many ups and downs every couple faces in a relationship.
Communicating with a man in plain language in a calm and loving way is the key to getting him to open up. To learn more, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn specific ways to express what’s in your heart that will help you to connect powerfully with his.