Four Secrets of Attracting Women

by eHarmony Staff

Four Secrets of Attracting Women

In the romantic comedy ‘Groundhog Day’, Bill Murray plays Phil Connors, a sarcastic and selfish TV weatherman sent to report on whether the legendary groundhog sees his shadow that year. He contemptuously mocks Rita, his idealistic producer, when she tells him the ground hog’s shadow is a cute story that people love.

After halfheartedly covering the event, he can’t wait to get back to the city and away from the “hicks” he despises—including Rita. But a blizzard closes the highway and strands him for another night. Thus begins his magical chance to rethink his selfish life.

The next morning, Phil realizes he is mysteriously reliving yesterday—Groundhog Day—over and over again. No matter what relationships he forms or plans he makes, he wakes up each morning with the clock reset, destined to live the day over again. He quickly decides to take advantage of his new consequence-free life: to rob an armored car, seduce beautiful women, eat and drink as much as he wants, and spend money like it grew on trees. He even tries his new trick on Rita. Night after night he makes use of what he has learned about her likes and dislikes to try and seduce her. But it doesn’t work. Night after night she slaps his face and slams the door.

Slowly, Phil reaches a turning point—and finally begins to see that good relationships are more about making someone else happy than making himself happy. The next morning he shows up with coffee and pastries for Larry, the cameraman he has consistently insulted. He knows when and where a kid will fall from a tree and is there every day to catch him. He consistently changes a flat tire for a carload of elderly women. He buys a meal for a homeless man he always avoided before.

Rita, for whom each Groundhog Day is the only one, is intrigued—and attracted—by the changes in Phil. But he is too busy with his new life of service to respond to her, even when she pursues him.

You can see by now how the story ends: Devoting himself to other people, Phil finally breaks the spell that has kept him trapped in time for so long. And by changing himself, he changes how Rita and others see him.

This clever story perfectly illustrates the difference between “attracting women”—like a Venus fly trap lures its prey—and attracting women by actually being attractive to women. Sure, looks and style play a part too. But women worth attracting usually expect a man’s appeal to go deeper than that. If you want to be a guy who wins a woman’s heart for all the right reasons, here are four qualities to develop:

 

Attracting women with honesty.

 

She wants a man who is what he appears to be, with no hidden agendas or slick sales pitches. Lying and deceit dissolve trust, but truthfulness is the glue that holds two people together.

 

Attracting women with kindness.

 

She wants a man who knows how to consider the needs and feelings of someone besides himself. A little thoughtfulness and generosity go a long way toward piquing a woman’s interest.

 

Attracting women with passion and purpose.

 

She wants a man who knows himself, loves life, and lives it fully. Discover what inspires and energizes you in life—and your woman will be motivated to join you in your pursuits.

 

Attracting women with confidence.

 

She wants a man who is full of self-assurance and self-respect. Few things are as attractive to a woman than a man who is confident but not cocky, secure but not selfish.

Attracting women is not a strategy—it’s a way of life. Many men think wooing a woman is mostly about looking good and acting cool. Most women, however, will tell you that the real attraction happens from the inside out.

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