Finding Mr. Right

by eHarmony Staff

Finding Mr. Right

It sounds simple—get out there and meet Mr. Right— but finding your potential partner can sometimes be more complicated. The key is to first take steps that will make you a good match for someone else. That involves figuring out what makes you special, what you bring to the relationship and deciding what you want in a mate. All that remains is to let yourself be open to meeting new people and finding love.

Evaluate your Past

“It is always helpful to do a relationship inventory before entering into a new relationship,” says San Francisco-based therapist Brittany Olsen. Before you start looking for Mr. Right, Olsen says it is imperative to take some time to assess your past romantic relationships.

Ask yourself what worked and what didn’t and the reasons for each. Look back and determine in what relationship you felt your best and what it was about that person that brought out the best in you. “If a fine-tooth comb isn’t applied to understanding what happened in the past, people unconsciously follow the same patterns.”

You can’t Find Mr. Right Until you love Yourself

“There are potential hazards of getting into a relationship if your sense of self isn’t stable,” says Olsen. If this happens, much of your worth will be derived externally, from the person you are dating. True self-worth is internal. As for how to tackle this, Olsen admits that oftentimes it may feel too “touchy-feely and hokey” for a person to talk about who he or she “is” and who he or she wants to “be” but she encourages her clients to focus on what activities they like to do and develop that realm of their life. When you feel good about what you do you will feel good about who you are. “That is a great foundation from which to enter into a relationship.”

Decide what you want in Mr. Right

Take the time to make a wish list of all the values and characteristics you would want in a partner. This list should include items you will not budge on, for example: whether he wants children, is a nonsmoker or religious. When dating, continually ask yourself if your goals, interests and personal beliefs are in synch with the other persons. You shouldn’t have to compromise these items in an ideal mate.

When you Find Mr. Right, Don’t let him Go

You can’t find Mr. Right if you are not looking. After you have done your due diligence and evaluated your past, decided what you want in a partner and gotten your own emotions and self-worth in order, you are now ready to meet that special someone. Step outside your comfort zone, whether that be asking someone out on a blind date, asking friends to set you up or updating your online profile. When it comes to finding the person of your dreams sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move. If you begin to look for a good relationship with someone of character, you will find one.

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