Finding Love: Why You Shouldn’t Give Up

by eHarmony Staff

Finding Love: Why You Shouldn't Give Up

When love has eluded you for so long that giving up seems like the only sensible thing to do—don’t. Here’s why:

“There’s a lid for every pot.” After a painful divorce, Christa fell into a deep depression. The man she married turned out to be abusive and unfaithful. When he finally left, he took with him her confidence that she would ever find a loving, loyal partner. “One day I visited my grandmother,” Christa recalled. “I was sitting in her kitchen feeling sorry for myself while she made dinner. She knew what I was thinking.”

Christa was suddenly jolted by an especially loud clatter as the old woman searched noisily through a cupboard of pots and pans. Finally, she emerged with an ancient-looking cast-iron lid and placed it gently atop a simmering sauce pan on the stove—a perfect fit. “Don’t worry yourself sick, darlin’,” she said to Christa with a wink and a smile. “In God’s kitchen, there is always a lid for every pot. You just have to patiently search for it.”

“I laughed out loud for the first time in ages,” Christa said. “She was right. It was pointless to think there is no one in the whole wide world who would be a good match for me.”

Finding Love

No matter how futile it feels, hope in finding love is never misplaced. A famous general was once asked the secret of his phenomenal success in battle. He replied, “I never retreated.” After a pause, his interviewer commented that this was difficult to believe. “Oh, I sometimes had to ‘advance to the rear,’ but I never ordered a retreat,” the general explained. Then his point became clear: Victory frequently depends upon refusing to accept the possibility of defeat. It matters what you say—and even what you think—about your life. Hopelessness, fed by negative attitudes and ideas, often becomes a self-fulfilling condition.

Don’t think you are a failure at relationships. Say you are training to succeed.
Don’t complain there is no one for you. Say you are searching for a gem of exceptionally rare quality. Don’t consider your time alone as wasted. Say that you are improving yourself so you’ll be an irresistible catch for an irresistible partner.

Clinging to hope isn’t mere wishful thinking. It literally helps create the conditions you need for success. Giving up guarantees failure. Any coach of any sports team knows that the surest way to lose a game is to not show up. Similarly, what are the chances of a tennis player winning the championship if she doesn’t enter the tournament? Or a job applicant getting the prized position if he doesn’t arrive for the scheduled interview? That’s right—zero!

Simply put, there’s no reason you can’t find the love of your life if you hang in there, keep going, and stay persistent. If you want to dramatically increase your chances of “winning” a wonderful partner, start by deciding to never give up.

If you’ve been burned by relationships that went sour, if you’ve grown weary of dates that lead nowhere, if you’re tired of being disappointed, realize that you are not alone. And most of all, resist the temptation to give in to hopelessness. Believe the best about yourself, and then always believe that a delightful partner is searching for you, too.

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