If you’re anything like I was when I was dating, meeting a new man I really liked would set off all sorts of reactions in me. I had a great life and a successful career, but before I knew it I’d be spending too much time and energy thinking about him, wondering how he felt about me, and trying to figure out why he’d do the things he did. I thought I was doing all of this behind the scenes and that he wouldn’t know how focused on him I was. But I was wrong.
HOW FOCUSING ON HIM CHANGES YOUR VIBE
Here’s an important rule to remember: Men don’t fall in love because of how much we do for them. And spending a lot of time focusing on a man – even if we’re not directly doing anything for them, actually prevents them from falling in love.
Why? Because any time you spend on a man is time you are taking away from you. A man can only fall in love with you if you’re in love with yourself first. But if you make him the center of your world, it means you’re no longer your top priority. Before you know it, you start to lose sight of your goals and the things that are important to you. Without these important things, your sense of self becomes shaky, and your self-esteem starts to plummet.
THEN SOMETHING ELSE STARTS TO HAPPEN…
The more you start to revolve your life around him, the more invested and fearful you become. You worry that you’ll lose him, so you focus even more on him. You try to look for cues that will reassure you about his feelings for you, but they’re never enough.
You are entirely in your head. And when this happens, you can’t be in your heart. Which means you can’t connect with HIS heart.
All this adds up to creating a very needy, desperate vibe that turns a man off. If a man even gets a whiff that he’s more important to you than you are to yourself, he loses interest. He starts to feel responsible for your happiness, and it feels like pressure to him. That’s when you’ll experience him pulling away.
CONNECTING WITH YOURSELF… AND HIS HEART
Anytime you put your focus on what a man thinks and feels, you are automatically disconnecting from yourself. And the ONLY important thing, the only thing that really matters, is how you feel about yourself in his presence.
Instead of asking yourself if he likes you, ask yourself if you like yourself when you’re with him. How do you feel about yourself when you’re with him? Do you feel attractive and happy, or small and insecure? If you’re feeling anxious, this may mean he’s not right for you. When you’re with your Mr. Right, you’ll FEEL it. There’s no need to analyze anything!
So, next time you’re inclined to focus your thinking too much on one particular man, check in with your feelings about YOU. Stay focused on what makes you happy outside of him. Because a man can only feel as comfortable with you as you feel with yourself. And the more comfortable he feels, the closer and closer he’ll want to get.
There are specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man. To learn more, subscribe to Rori’s free relationship advice e-newsletter. You’ll discover a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.