Do you have Realistic Expectations?

by eHarmony Staff

Do you have Realistic Expectations?

To date is to have standards. But expectations for your future flame must have compromising perimeters to allow for the unpredicted. Impractical expectations can cause dissention and resentment in existing relationships and ultimately curb your opportunities for new ones. With expectations set so high, are you just setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment?

Finding Fault

It seems the older you get, the more critical you become. You couldn’t date a woman who has children or you wouldn’t consider a divorced man. Through the greener-grass mentality, you believe that there is a better match to be found, a combination of all your persnickety prerequisites and then some. The challenge is to examine why you feel entitled to a perfect 10 when everyone – including you – is blessed with imperfections. To have a discerning eye is logical, but don’t get wrapped up in the concept of impossible bedtime stories. Is it really such a bad thing to concede that love and relationships really aren’t flawless and simple?

Far-Fetched Fantasy

When seeking out Mr. or Ms. Right, everyone has a fantasized ideal in mind. Visualizing the utopian mate may actually help you discover what you are looking for in a relationship. On the other hand, it’s important to recognize that perfection doesn’t exist outside of your psyche. Some people may come close, but the image of the ideal mate creeps its way back in with its lofty conditions.

Women may have an even tougher time, since many grow up dreaming of a fairytale romance, including how you will meet, kiss and wed. With this love story planned out to the last detail, you suffer from unattainable expectations that are only manifested in storybook endings. This childhood innocence even follows you as a grown woman, pining for the medieval main squeeze as the rescuer of lonely hearts. It’s no wonder that these fantasies only hinder your possibilities, perpetuating the listless practice of waiting for someone to rescue you.

Limit Less

When you set rigid guidelines and specific characteristics that your ladylove or main man must epitomize, you effectively limit your options. Vain requirements such as hair color, body type and size of bank account only place the focus on superficial criteria rather than the gooey insides. Okay, so perhaps removing your limits altogether would put you on the fast track to Loserville, but relaxing your restrictions might just expand your pool of potential suitors.

Further, like the hemlines of yesteryear, what works now may be totally different from what you sought out years ago. Reconsider how much his career, her marriage history or even some fashion sense really factors into the success of a relationship or the content of your intended’s character. Ultimately, as you mature, your needs and wants should also evolve and change.

Slow Your Roll

Victim of syrupy romantic movies with happy endings and speedy courtships, you witness the new couple briskly scamper to their promising ever after. Love at first sight – or first week – is perhaps possible, but improbable. Admitting your love for your date too soon may just scare the person away, leading him or her to believe you could jump headfirst with just anyone. Grant the time for authentic feelings to develop, and consider that everyone has his or her own emotional clock. Keep in mind that the fictionalized fetes of romance on the silver screen exist for the aw-shucks effect rather than as a reference guide.

Wants and Needs

When making a big financial commitment, such as a new-home investment or a car purchase, you usually precede the purchase with separate wish and must-have lists. The must-haves should be characteristics that you just cannot compromise upon. Long-lasting relationships are really not that different. Discriminate between your wants and needs to determine those attributes that you just cannot live without. If your potential partner embodies any extra features from the wish list, then it’s gravy on the mashers. Wish-listers will just sweeten the deal, similar to an extra bathroom or automatic seat warmers.

Unrealistic expectations ultimately make your romantic agenda disappointing and limiting. Successful relationships require daily concessions, so mull over what you consider to be mistakes or deal breakers and reconsider your needs. You just may find that with a proactive but patient approach and a flexible tally of prerequisites, you can exponentially affect your likelihood of finding your perfect match.

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