Can Super-Suave Guys Be Trusted?

By eHarmony Staff

Can Super-Suave Guys Be Trusted?

You know the type: he’s dressed to the nines, has the perfect hair, and emanates just the right amount of designer cologne. At a club or party, he’s been eyeing you from a distance until he finally sidles up beside you and delivers his well-practiced pick-up line. His flirty banter is kind of charming, and you wonder how you should respond to his offer to “get better acquainted.” After all, his smooth-as-silk approach to attracting women IS alluring to some — and a total turn-off to others.

What should you do if you encounter one of these slick guys? What’s more, can you trust a man like this to ever be more than a charming-but-shallow raconteur and pick-up artist?

Let’s admit that it’s easy to stereotype guys who come across patently polished and put-together. But lumping together all those suave, urbane types would be unfair. That’s because some men are naturally and genuinely gifted with an extra measure of magnetism and charisma. It’s not an act—they’re blessed to be cool and charming without trying.

So how can you tell the difference between the “real deal” and those who merely putting the moves on you? Be on the lookout for the following attitudes and actions. Although guys may not actually verbalize these thoughts, watch closely enough and they’ll become evident:  

Alarming: “Aren’t you glad you’re with me?” Some guys exude arrogance and aloofness, sending the signal that you’re lucky to be in their presence. 
Assuring: “I’m so glad to be with you.” And then there are guys who treat you with respect, courtesy, and generosity. They let you know in words and deeds that it’s wonderful to be in YOUR presence.

Alarming: “Let’s talk about me.” Smooth operators are often self-centered and egotistical, demonstrated by how much they keep the focus on themselves. Bragging, showing off, and excessively talking about oneself should always serve as a flashing neon sign to watch out.
Assuring: “Let’s talk about you.” People with a healthy self-esteem don’t need to be the center of attention all the time. They are eager to hear about your life, and they’ll listen carefully as you tell about yourself.

Alarming: “I’m a master of disguise.” Some men are highly skilled at adopting a persuasive persona, presenting themselves as something they’re not. If you detect a whiff of duplicity and deception, ask yourself why the guy feels the need to fool you.
Assuring: “What you see is what you get.” Most women want a man who is what he appears to be, with no hidden agendas or slick sales pitches. Lying and deceit dissolve trust, but truthfulness forms the foundation that a relationship can be built upon.

Alarming: “I’m easily bored.” Any relationship worth exploring and developing is going to take time and effort. But an impatient, impertinent person wants something new all the time. If you’re with a guy who seems chronically restless and distracted—always ready to move on to the next promising prospect—do yourself a favor and let him get bored with someone else.
Assuring: “I’m in no hurry—let’s see where this relationship goes.” Part of the fun of dating is discovering if initial attraction will lead to something more. Will early potential evolve into lasting love? That question cannot be answered quickly, and people who get bored easily don’t stick around to find out.

When it comes meeting new people, everyone is wary of manipulation and maneuvering. Be grateful that there are plenty of guys who value authenticity and don’t want to play games.

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