Are You Ruining Relationships Before They Even Start?

By Rori Raye, author of the best-selling eBook Have The Relationship You Want and free newsletter

Are You Ruining Relationships Before They Even Start?

What happens when you start dating a man you’re really attracted to? If you’re at all like I used to be before I met my husband, suddenly you feel a surge of excitement. You start talking about him (or maybe you don’t because you worry you might jinx it). But one thing’s for sure – you’re thinking about him all the time.

Maybe you’re checking his Facebook page…or doing some research on him online. At first, it’s curiosity. But then something else happens. You start worrying that you might do or say something to mess things up. You try to figure out what he’s thinking about you, or why he said this or did that. You free up space in your calendar in case he calls. But here’s something you really need to know: Even though he might not know any of this is going on, it starts tipping things with him against your favor. Here’s why.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT HIM TOO MUCH:

Over-thinking about a man is work. When you devote time and energy to a man, you are, in a way, trying to MAKE something happen with him. And this goes against the very core of what you want as a woman – and what he wants as a man. Think about it. We women like a man to pursue us – to show us that he wants us. But when we think about him too much, we start to do what I call “leaning forward” – that is, we move in on the space he needs to come forward.

Your vibe changes around him. You become anxious, and you become emotionally drained from all the analyzing. You have less energy for the other things in your life – the passions and people that made you the person he was attracted to in the first place.

WHEN YOUR SELF-ESTEEM TAKES A HIT:

Putting all your focus on one man does something else. It makes your self-esteem go down. That’s because the minute you make a man the center of your universe, you go off YOUR center. You go from the carefree, spirited woman you are to a fearful, worrying creature. And it shows. Believe it or not, a man can sense when you’re caught up in your head about him. Your thoughts affect your feelings and your mood.

If you’ve ever had a man go cold on you after a seemingly promising start, this may be the reason why. You transferred too much of your own personal power over to him, and he FELT it. He sensed you were putting all your hopes and dreams on him BEFORE getting to know him, and that feels like pressure to a man. So, what do you do when you’re feeling very drawn to one particular man so you don’t inadvertently sabotage things?

KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOU AND KEEP YOUR OPTIONS OPEN:

Once you’ve found a man you think is a potential keeper, it’s tempting to clear out your calendar for him and not even consider other dates. But this is exactly what makes you become fearful and worried about whether he’s going to call and what’s going to happen next. Result: You can’t stop thinking about him, and he’ll pick up on the fact that you’re hinging on his every move.  

So, use eHarmony to your advantage! Keep connecting with other men and setting up dates with them. At the same time, keep doing all the things in your life you enjoy. Don’t shift your schedule around to make room for a certain man at the last minute. Keep your week busy. Doing this means you’re not playing hard to get – you actually ARE filling your life with all sorts of fulfilling things. And that makes you infinitely attractive. If this guy you’re falling for is Mr. Right, he’ll realize HE needs to step up and schedule time with you. And you won’t even have to think about it.

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Rori teaches women how to break out of the patterns that have been keeping them from truly connecting with a man’s heart so that they can experience deep intimacy.  To learn specific ways you can step out of the “doing” role in your relationship and into the more feminine energy “feeling” role that is so alluring and magnetic to a man, subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll discover even more effortless ways to let a man know he’s lucky to have you.

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