With a string of bad dates behind you and no dates to speak of in the immediate future, one starts to wonder: could it be me?
Well, don’t be so hard on yourself yet. Many factors play a part in finding the love of your life. Being in the right frame of mind, good timing and a little lady luck are just a few.
That said, you may want to consider exactly what you are bringing to the table when you go out with someone. Be honest with yourself here. Do you think that you’re you a good date? Do you think you are fun to be around?
Hopefully the answer to those questions is a whole-hearted yes. But if you are boring others with yawn-worthy conversations, turning them off with negativity or avoiding people altogether, you are making your search to find “the one” that much more difficult.
Ready to get real? Here are some key indicators to help you determine whether you are dating to your potential or sabotaging your chances at a connection.
It’s All About Me
First, reflect upon your last date. What did your date like to do for fun? What kind of movies did he or she like? What music did he or she listen to? If you are at a loss for an answer, either you haven’t been on a date for a while or you monopolized the conversation.
This is a common problem for many people, and in most cases it’s unintentional. Some just can’t stand the sound of silence, and to fill it they’ll talk about anything. Since we feel comfortable talking about what we know, the conversation inevitably turns to ourselves.
If you are really into playing the guitar, going to a Renaissance Faire or making jewelry, great—you are halfway there. You have something to talk about. It’s perfectly fine to talk to people about what you enjoy, but don’t forget to reciprocate by asking other people about the activities that bring them joy.
Let’s now look at how you socialize. Do you pretty much keep to yourself? Do you shop online 100% of the time? In other words, are you avoiding the masses and refusing to go out? If the answer to these questions is mostly yes, you are running the risk of being too withdrawn. It may seem silly, but if you never interact with other people you may just forget how.
If you never leave your house, you’ll never meet new people. We aren’t advocating you go out and strike up a conversation with everyone you see on the street. Rather, we ask that you just put yourself out there. Go to museums, coffeehouses and parks, if only just to scope out the scene. Before you know it, you’ll meet a few people and have a few interesting experiences to talk about on your next first date.
Whether you are chatting with the store clerk or having a conversation with the pretty lady at the booth next to you, remember that you could meet someone that you like or, better yet, someone who is attracted to you!
And While You’re There…
While you are putting your best adventurous foot forward, try your best to be approachable. Dodging eye contact, shrugging your shoulders and giving blank stares may be unintentional, but they’re nonverbal ways of telling people to leave you alone.
If you are shy, just say so. Everyone can relate to being uncomfortable in mingling situations or nervous on a first date, but looking the other way only makes your counterpart feel that you are aloof or, worse, uninterested.
Ditch the Negativity
Last, consider your attitude and carefully consider how you approach the world. A brooding bore with hunched shoulders and a negative attitude isn’t fun to chat with anytime, let alone on a date.
If you are feeling down about being a single, or you just feel frustrated by the everyday stuff, try to figure out how to change your attitude so that it doesn’t consume you. Misery may love company, but nothing is more boring than a person who complains constantly, especially about stuff that’s not all that important.
Living in the modern world means that you’re bound to get parking tickets, get yelled at by your boss and be forced to deal with situations that are otherwise inconvenient or unpleasant. If you can train yourself to recover quickly from life’s misfortunes, you’ll be better off—and more fun to be around.
Ultimately, well-rounded individuals interact with others, enjoy diverse experiences and gain knowledge and advice from the company they keep. It’s true that defining what makes a person boring varies from person to person. The key to being an interesting date is not necessarily knowing what to talk about, it’s more about learning about the other person, asking questions and genuinely investing in the discovery process.