When you’re on a date, it’s natural to want to show him what a great catch you are. You might feel the need to pepper the conversation with witty remarks, or tell him about all the amazing things you’ve accomplished, or jump in and fill the silence when there’s a lull in the conversation.
But doing this can actually keep a man from wanting to see you again…and keep you from seeing whether he’s a good partner for you to begin with. That’s because when you’re doing the above behaviors, you’re actually working too hard to get him to like you. He’ll sense it, and it will keep him from being the one trying to win YOU over. Men value what they need to work for, so don’t rob him of the opportunity.
Instead, try this simple change of focus the next time you’re with a man.
FOCUS ON MAKING HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE
Let’s forget a moment about dating and think about the people you like to spend time with. How do they make you feel? Chances are, you like to spend time with people who…make you feel good about yourself!
Your only job on a date is to relax, enjoy the experience, and make the other person you’re with feel comfortable. How do you do this? By letting him see you are simply happy to be in his company and by showing interest in him as a person. People love to talk about themselves. So ask him about what drives him, let him tell you all about that business deal he just pulled off, be curious when he talks about his hobbies.
The more he shares information about himself, and the more you listen, the more he will feel safe and comfortable in your presence. And he’ll take that good feeling with him long after you part…leaving him thinking about you and wanting more.
When you lean back and take your foot off the accelerator, you open up an opportunity to see what this man does. Where does he take the conversation? What does he talk about?
You’d be amazed how much information a man will tell you in those early conversations if you simply give him the space to do so. You’ll learn important things about him that can help you decide whether this man is a good fit for you, not the other way around.
You’ll also learn how sensitive he is to your feelings. Does he continue to go on about himself, or is he curious about you? The only way to find out about this is to resist the impulse to lead and control the conversation.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?
I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t reveal all those parts about yourself that make you an amazing woman. If he’s a good man – and especially if he’s the right man – then all these things will come out soon enough. But you don’t need to spill them so soon. A little mystery goes a long way. You are taking the time to learn about him, and he in turn grows more interested – an invested – in you.
If you’re at all doubtful about this approach, try it as an experiment. You’re (hopefully) going on a lot of dates on eHarmony. So, on the next one, shift your focus from you to him. Instead of thinking about how you are coming across, simply lean back, enjoy yourself, and focus on making the date comfortable for him. Very soon, you’ll find yourself sitting in front of a man who is focused completely on…you.
Are you chasing a man or working too hard in relationships without realizing it? Subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter to find out. You’ll discover a whole new way to relate to a man – from the moment you meet him all the way through commitment and marriage – so that you finally have the secure, loving, lasting relationship you’ve always wanted.