Ladies, are your dating skills scaring men away? We asked a group of guys what behaviors sent them running for the hills — and here’s what they had to say.
'Smile for the Camera - I'm Tweeting the Pic in Two Seconds!'
In this day and age of sharing so much about ourselves to a wide audience, it is best to keep things chill for at least a little while with your new guy. How about really getting to know him before you introduce him to 348 Facebook followers? Changing that status from "single" to "in a relationship" after two weeks of dating? Bad idea. And it may also come across as immature.
No Manly Moves
The days of women casting coy smiles from behind paper fans may be long gone (thankfully!), but a guy still appreciates a little femininity in his potential love match. So while those tricks where you crack open a beer bottle with your teeth and say the names of everyone in the room with a belch are no doubt impressive, you should think about promoting your gentler qualities in a relationship’s early stages. He’s not looking for a return to Victorian values, but he’d probably like to think he could beat you in a Jäger shoot-out or an arm-wrestling match. Even if he can’t.
'Meet Your New Daddy!'
In our fractured world, men know that the chances of meeting and falling for a single mom are significant. For some it’s an instant no-no, and if that’s your situation, it's best to know up front. However, for those men not worried by the first mention of Junior, they’ll still be walking into the situation one tentative step at a time, and telling him too early what a great daddy he’s going to make to your kids will make him break out in a cold sweat. So while ultimately you’re a package deal – and it’s important that he knows that – let him get to know you first.
Once you feel that your relationship has had a chance to establish itself, then gently introduce the little one(s). And remember: initially he’s not going to be as in love with them as you are, so give him a chance to establish a relationship with them too.
'My Ex was the Greatest' (Sob!)
It should be common sense, but you'd be surprised how many of us still bring up the ex far too much with a new love interest. Men get it – they know you have an ex-boyfriend. Hey, maybe you’ve got five. Or 10 or 20. They know, but there are telltale signs when this could be a problem. First is when you go all glassy-eyed at the mention of his name – worse if the subject came up after they noticed it tattooed on your wrist. He may have been a master surgeon with rock-solid abs and a second home in Hawaii, but guys would rather not know too much about it if it’s all the same with you, as they know they’ll never compare.
Similarly, we understand that he may have tormented you emotionally/slept with your sister/kidnapped your dog, but that just makes us wonder one thing: Why’d you go out with him so long? It doesn’t speak highly of your selection process, and ergo why you’ve chosen us. We’ve all got a past – let’s just keep it there.
'How Dare You Try To Change Plans!'
There is something to be said about a person who can truly go with the flow. If something comes up and a guy has to change your date from Tuesday to Thursday, the worst thing you can do is to not be understanding about it. Life happens -- and not being flexible when obstacles arise will send a signal that you may be just a little too difficult for his liking.
Ms. Blank Stare
Pretty only goes so far. Men we talked to said they wanted their date to not just agree with everything they said -- but to have their own opinions about various issues, matters, etc. Don't be afraid to show him who you really are. Also noted: If a man senses you are just going to "glom" onto him and don't have any particular passions (or a life) of your own, you can pretty much count on this being the first and only date.
She Wants to 'Hoover' Up My Time!
Another behavior that strikes fear into the hearts of men is the woman who wants to spend every waking moment with the guy she's just started dating. Hoover Girl: "Hey, I've got great plans for us Friday, Saturday and Sunday!" Guy: "Help! I'm not married to you yet and I love my space!" I think you can guess what happens next.
"So, what did you do last night?" "Who did you have lunch with?" "What did you do all day?" No guy wants to feel like someone is keeping tabs on him. The same goes for trying to change who he is, how he likes to spend his free time, etc. One of this biggest reasons he might walk is if he senses you are going to try and take away any of his freedoms, his guy time, or (God forbid) tell him what he should and shouldn't do. The best thing we can all do is pay more attention to ourselves and allow others to be as they are.
Ladies, what behaviors about men scare you away?
Too Much, Too Soon
You may have intense feelings for a new love interest - but it's best to keep phrases like "I love you,' or "I can't stop thinking about you" to yourself until you have been dating for at least a few months! Say it during the first few dates, and his mind will process those three precious words into one scary one: Psycho. He needs time to process what he’s feeling about you, and you both need time for infatuation to settle into something more real.
We went to eHarmony's Customer Care team and asked a simple question, "What can every user do, starting right now, to encourage more success on eHarmony?" Here's what they told us.