Is He a Keeper? Three Things to Look For

By Guest Contributor Joe Amoia, Dating Coach, YourTango

Is He a Keeper? Three Things to Look For

Have you ever dated someone and got to that crossroads in your relationship where you were wondering if it was worth going forward? You knew that he was a decent guy. But was he “THE” guy that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? And the more you debated this with yourself, the more you drove yourself crazy? Right?

The truth is deciding on the person that you can spend the rest your life with is probably one of the most difficult and challenging decisions a human being will ever make. But as the old expression goes, “Love is a two-way street.” Unfortunately, for many women, the guys they decide to marry don’t often provide the level of love that is required to be happy.

I have created three guidelines that will help you recognize when you should move forward in your relationship…or not!

Now, before I give you the three guidelines, I want to preface it by saying there must be a level of attraction between you and the man you’re with. I don’t care if you are Mother Theresa, if you are going to be in a relationship till “death do us part”, there absolutely, positively, must be some level of attraction. The good news is that attraction is a very subjective thing. What you find attractive, your friend may find repulsive (and vice versa). I always believed that looks open up the door, but it is the essence of the person and who they are and how they treat you that determines whether or not you want to enter and stay.

I’m going to assume that, if you are in a relationship with a guy for a little while, that you are attracted to him on some level. And once you clear this hurdle, I believe there are three signs which are great indicators as to whether or not the guy you’re with is marriage material.

Sign #1: You are CONSISTENTLY Happy and Fulfilled.

The telltale sign that the guy you’re with is worth spending your life with is how consistently happy and fulfilled you are in your relationship. And the key word to focus on here is consistently. Whenever you have two individuals who are in relationship it is almost impossible for both people to agree and see things the same way 100% of the time. As human beings we grow up with different experiences, different upbringings and different influences, all of which shape the way we see and do things. But the most successful relationships are those where both individuals are able to consistently meet and fulfill the needs of their partner. And if you pick a partner who consistently does this from the beginning, you greatly increase your chances of having the type of marriage and relationship that you really desire. If however, you see that you are involved with someone where you consistently find yourself upset, frustrated, angry or resentful, it means that on some level, one of more of your needs isn’t being met and if it’s not being met now, odds are it’s not going to be met in the future.

Sign #2: He is Responsible and Keeps His Agreements.

Character is one of the most important criteria that you should look at in picking a mate. Because when the chips are down and life is throwing challenges at you, it is imperative that you have someone that you know you can rely on and that you know will help you tackle the speedbumps. The best way to recognize how responsible the guy is is to look at the way he lives his life. Does he live his life responsibly? Is he financially responsible? Does he have a job or career where he acts in a responsible manner or are there several areas of his life which shows you that he isn’t responsible and you won’t be able to count on him?

Also, is he the kind of guy that keeps his agreements? Or does he tend to make excuses and pass the buck when things don’t go right?

Not being on the same page, and not being able to communicate and work together is one of the most destructive forces in a marriage. Picking a mate who acts responsibly and keeps his agreements is one of the best things you can do.

Sign #3: He Treats Others Well.

A great indicator of how good a husband a guy will be is how he treats others. Simply observe how a guy treats others, especially those that he interacts with on a regular basis. This will give you a more accurate picture of what he’s going to be like in a relationship. If a guy treats you well, but belittles and disrespects others regularly, there’s a good chance that one day soon you will be the target of his venom. However, if you see that the guy you’re with regularly treats others with kindness, compassion and respect there is a high likelihood that he’s going to do the same with you. And that’s the kind of guy you want to commit yourself to.

More at YourTango:

Ten Things I’ve Learned in 36 Years of Marriage

How to Get His Attention off the Cell Phone and Back on You

6 Steps to a Better Understanding of Who You Are

 

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