You thought the date went well – so why isn’t she calling you back? Read on for 10 ways you may have turned her off without even knowing.
You read eHarmony Advice religiously, show up right on time for dates and maintain steady contact with the women you see. Still, you can't help but notice that as time passes, women always seem to become increasingly unresponsive and “busy”. What’s really going on? Avoid being known as “the guy who did such-and-such” by reading these ten dating mistakes that could be preventing you from making the cut.
Talking About Yourself Too Much
Maybe you’re giving her an earful because you feel nervous. Or maybe your one-man show is just an attempt to impress her. Regardless, your soliloquy has the opposite intended effect and comes off as bragging and arrogance. It can also leave her wondering, “Now why didn’t I stay home and watch this week’s episode of Modern Family again?” She wants to feel like you are so enthralled by her presence, you can’t wait to find out more about her. So really listen to what she has to say, and ask her questions - even if you just repeat hers back with, “What about you?”
Even if you foot the bill on the first date, your overall attitude towards money can come through more than you realize. She notices if you grumble when you pay the bill, leave a bad tip, or consider taking that unopened $5 bottle of wine you brought to the party back home with you. Women view how you spend money as a reflection of your overall generosity as a person. Will you be as stingy with your love and affection towards her? Bottom line - women want to know you value them and care about making a good impression - even if you have to “invest” a bit upfront.
Paying Attention To Other Women
It’s in your DNA to notice beautiful women - we get it - but use tunnel vision as much as possible when out on dates. The woman sitting across from you wants to feel like you only have eyes for her. So avoid talking about how “hot” Jessica Alba is; pretend the gorgeous blonde at the next table doesn’t exist. Halle Berry-who?
Yes, texting is easier than actually calling a woman, no doubt about that. Nothing wrong with sending a simple “I had a great time with you” or “Good night” every now and again either. But trying to have full-on text conversations instead of calling is another story altogether. You may think your “How R u?” is a nice way to let her know you’re thinking about her, but she'll most likely see it as a sign you’re either a) immature; b) lazy (which the "How R u?" abbreviation certainly doesn’t help); c) scared; or d) not that interested. Besides, you’re denying her the pleasure of hearing your deep voice. Good rule of thumb: When texting a question that requires much more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, you may want to consider whether you’re sending the right "message".
Coming On Too Strong
We know you like her, and you just want to show her, right? Well, you might want to take it easy there, tiger. Slow your roll a bit. Trying to kiss her in public on the first few dates, being too touchy-feely or making suggestive comments can leave her fantasizing about tunneling her way to freedom like in Shawshank Redemption. Even complimenting her too much can make her question how genuine your feelings really are.
She expects to go on a date with the man in the pictures, not him plus 8 years or minus 3 inches. You may think your little white lies won't hurt anybody, but if her brain registers that your photos and the in-person "you" don’t match up, there goes your chance to make a great first impression.
Having a Mouth Like a Sailor
You probably already know not to constantly curse around women, but even letting one or two doozies slip from your mouth in the beginning can leave a bad taste in hers. Foul language in casual conversation can be jarring, not to mention give the impression you're crude and crass - a.k.a. the last things you want to come off as. So, try and avoid sounding like you just finished watching an episode of The Sopranos. Also, just as an aside, most women don’t particularly enjoy age-related terms like “cougar” either.
When you first met her, you came out the gate as your best, cleanest self: freshly-bathed, shaved, shirt ironed and ready to go. But now, five or six dates later, you’ve gotten a little, shall we say… lax. A shower before each date isn’t the worst idea in the world. (And no, putting on cologne doesn't count, unfortunately.) On that note, there's also such a thing as smelling "too good", i.e. when your cologne wears you instead of the other way around.
Asking your date what kind of food she likes or what movie she wants to see is thoughtful. If she leaves it up to you, however, that’s date speak for, “You make the plan”. Women find men who take charge sexy; men who are wishy-washy, um... not so much. Your inability to make a decision will seem like laziness or a lack of interest to her - and when you say “I don’t care” for the umpteenth time, she’ll believe you - about her, that is.
Not Being a Gentleman
There’s certainly no need to race out of the car like a maniac to open her door – but opening her side first on the way home, asking if she’s cold, telling her to get home safe - these are moments she will remember. On the flip side, walking ahead of her, not saying “please” and “thank you” and having bad table manners - well, she’ll remember these too.
There’s no such thing as loving someone too much. There is such a thing, though, as too much smothering. And smothering can definitely scare someone away.