Can Men Really Just Be Friends With Women?

By Guest Contributor Jené Luciani, Shape.com

canmenandwomenbefriends

The debate continues, as real men and women were asked this exact question. Staffers at Shape.com talked to 13 men and women of all ages and backgrounds to get their take on whether guys can really have a relationship with a girl, that doesn’t involve sex. Here’s what these folks had to say about the matter:

“While men and women can be friends, it is difficult for the relationship to be entirely platonic. Our genetics simply drive our attraction to the opposite sex. The likelihood that at least one party is drawn to the other sexually is very high, regardless of whether or not anything ever comes of it. This is the reason jealousy and infidelity exists; we are not wired to be a monogamous species.” Dr. Soroya Bacchus, 51, Psychiatrist

“With my line of work, I come into contact with beautiful women all the time. But for me, it is a matter of knowing when not to cross boundaries. With some people, there will always be sexual attraction, but you don’t have to always go there with them. You can get a lot out of a friendship when you keep it platonic.”  William Moore, 26, Personal Trainer

“Men and women often think they are nothing but friends, when in reality one person’s mind or the other is thinking more. They may never share this information with their friend, but there is always that feeling that one of these days we’re going to get a little tipsy and make out.”  John Powers, 29, Stand Up Comic and Relationship Columnist

“I have many guy friends. They are my friends because they all started out as guys that wanted to date me or sleep with me. If you have an unattached female and male, I think sexual tension is always there. Typically the reasons they are “friends” is because one of them doesn’t want more. I mean, if you get along enough to hang out, have dinners, talk on the phone, that’s a big part of a relationship, right?” Angela Lutin, 38, Flywheel Instructor and Blogger

 ”Men and women can only be friends when the woman dictates the friendship. She has to be sure to keep him at bay. Her inability to create proper distance barriers, limit the time they spend together, and restriction of intimacy can cause the relationship to go too far.” Devin T. Robinson X, 28, Author of How Good is Sex?

 ”Men and women cannot be friends with someone they are attracted to, and unfortunately, most men are attracted to almost every woman so the idea that they can be friends without thoughts of sex is ridiculous. Being friends in group activities is fine. I would get worried if your guy was off doing one-on-one stuff with a woman. That’s called a date.” Lindsley Lowell, 42, Author of My Knight in Shining Armor is Coming, He’s Just Stuck in Traffic

“I know first-hand, both through personal experience and through witnessing it, that men and women can be friends. But, there are some caveats around it. More often than not, either the man or woman at some point in time, wanted “more”—either to have sex, date, or to have a relationship. If they can get passed that sticky phase—which most do not—then yes, a warm friendship can result. Also, friendship comes in many different depths so it’s important to get clear about what you mean by that word.” Delaine Moore, 41, Dating Coach and Author of The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom

“The only way you can be friends with another man when you’re married is if you find this man so unattractive, there would be no way he could ever worm his way into your pants. There is just no real male/female heterosexual friendship that doesn’t have an underlying attraction.” Jennifer Hutt, 42, Host of “Just Jenny” on Sirius XM Stars and Author of WHATEVERLAND: Learning to Live Here

Get more opinions on whether men and women can just be friends – PLUS 14 Things Men Wish Women Knew, What Men Really Think About Your Makeup, Is He The One For You?

What do  you think? In your experience, can a man and woman have a platonic friendship?

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