Many women wish that they loved themselves, but bad body image often gets in the way of feeling worthy to date. We are constantly bombarded with images of beautiful, exotic, airbrushed women staring out at us from the covers of magazines with come-hither eyes and glossy lips, looking ultra glamorous on television and in the movies.
The one thing they all have in common?
They are skinny.
It’s no fun for anyone to have to follow the “ideal” of beauty created by the media—especially when you don’t fit the mold. Most of us don’t fit the mold. In fact, some of us feel like we are the jello made by the mold.
Millions of Americans are overweight. While you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, it doesn’t make it feel any better to feel like you will be the one least likely to be picked because of how you look.
While it’s true that body size does not dictate low body image, most heavy women who look in the mirror are disgusted with themselves. Soon they refuse to look in the mirror, because they have started to loathe the person they see reflected in it.
But how can someone love you if you don’t love yourself first?
A person’s outside appearance makes them forget about the wonderful person on the inside. They lose sight of that because we live in a society where so much emphasis is put on appearance. Internal change is necessary as a coping mechanism with all of the external stimulus being thrown our way.
The good news is that no one is trapped. There is a mate for everyone who is seeking one. And the clearer you get into your power and feel your beauty from the inside out, the quicker you will attract that mate.
For those of you who like numbers, it’s a simple equation:
You Loving Yourself RIGHT NOW + You Showing Self-Love = Get Mate!
It’s that simple. Here are three easy steps to follow to make this equation work:
1. Love Yourself RIGHT NOW. This moment. Whether you are eating Ho-Hos or a banana, at work or taking care of a child, wearing overalls or holey underwear or a bad perm… whatever, just stop, and say, “I love you, [insert your name here].” It will probably feel silly at first. Who cares? Do it again. And again. And again, until you believe it… and keep doing it—in the mirror, in your reflection in the elevator, wherever you see yourself. Every time you want to say something negative, say, “I love you,” and then blow a kiss at yourself!
2. Show You Love Yourself. Take YOURSELF out on a date. Get yourself nice things, rub your shoulders or your feet (or whatever else feels like getting rubbed…!), send yourself a card or flowers. Court yourself! Why not? You’re in love, and that’s what people in love do.
3. Get Your Mate! Your mate will fall in love with you just as you have fallen head-over-heels for yourself. He or she will see you at the movies, laughing with your real, true laugh—or eating at a restaurant, smiling over your meal and savoring every bite. He or she will think, “Who IS that mysterious God/Goddess over there? I must talk to him/her, take him/her on approximately two-point-five dates, and then propose for marriage immediately!”
Beauty is an inside job and it is up to each individual to recognize their beauty. Because when one uses others to see their self-worth and beauty, it usually backfires in the long run.
The person of your dreams, your soul mate, as cliché as this may sound, will see you, not the let’s-try to-impress-others-you, but the real, you. So your body image match isn’t necessarily someone who weighs the same, looks the same, or buys the same clothes as you do. It’s the person whose heart was created to match yours. It is who you are, not what you look like.
That doesn’t mean that you need to carry around an ultrasound machine, checking out every potential candidate and seeing if their right angle is parallel to yours. It means you can walk around confident that no matter who you are and what you look like, your soul mate will see you for who you really are—and love you for it. Yes, attraction matters. But it’s not sustainable in the long run if hearts and minds do not meet as well. So be yourself, love your looks and from that place and space you will attract the person of your dreams.
Laura is an Advice Expert for mylifecompass.com. Laura Fenamore, CPCC is a gifted Body Image Mastery Mentor and a celebrated speaker, lecturer and teacher to thousands of people worldwide. Laura’s company, Body Image Mastery, is devoted exclusively to helping people find balance in their lives and learn to value the home they get to live in – their body. Her vision is living in a world where health and body image are celebrated. Her approach is unique. Jack Canfield, co-creator of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series thinks so. Here’s what Jack has to say: “If you’re looking for someone that could help you get clear about where you want to go… feel comfortable, safe and motivated and get the results… I want to encourage you to work with Laura.” Laura shares her own journey of rebuilding body esteem after severe obesity and multiple eating disorders; (she lost 100 pounds twenty-one years ago and has kept it off) a journey that has led her to helping other people live more joyous and balanced lives. If you are ready to start loving who you are right now and what you see in the mirror today, then you have come to the right place. With the launch of OnePinky.com, a Body Image Revolution has begun. Through the OnePinky Community and Laura’s 12 week Course, Loving What You See in the Mirror (Crucial Components to Permanent Weight Loss), Laura offers a safe way for women to explore why we so often put ourselves at the bottom of the “to do list”, and what impact this has on our health and body image.