Sometimes the beliefs and patterns that are keeping us from the love we want are so deeply ingrained and automatic, we can’t even see them. In order to attract and experience more love, we need to recognize and shift these long-standing habits. Here are the top three things that keep you from attracting the love you want…and the corresponding ways to forge new, positive patterns.
Old Belief: “I need to show a man I’m worthy of his love.”
Action Step: Stop working for love
Here’s one rule I want you to remember: Men don’t fall in love because of how much we give them. Men fall in love when they GIVE to US.
Now, I’m not saying that you should never show a man love or be affectionate. I mean that you don’t have to DO anything to prove to a man that you are a great catch and to win his love. You don’t need to cook him meals, run errands for him, or push the relationship forward.
Often we women will become afraid that if we don’t DO things for a man and move things forward, he’ll think we’re not interested. But that’s not the case. Your only job while you’re dating is to enjoy his company and show him appreciation. A good man WANTS to make his woman happy. And so one of the most powerful things you can do to fuel his love is to let him know when he makes you happy. As you do this, he’ll naturally want to come closer to you, and you won’t feel the anxiety of not knowing where you stand with him. If this sounds easier said than done, let me introduce you to a powerful dating tool…
Old Belief: “If I don’t become exclusive with him right away, he’ll leave me.”
Action Step: Keep your options open
Feeling the impulse to DO, DO, DO for a man usually happens when we are in a situation when we do not have security with him. If he’s the only guy you’re dating, there’s nobody else on the horizon, and he hasn’t expressed a desire for commitment, you’re apt to run yourself into the ground trying to PROVE to him that he should make a commitment to you.
What’s happened here is that you’ve wrapped all your hopes and dreams into a man you have no security with. And that’s when you’ll start appearing needy, which just serves to push him away.
The answer for this is to NOT become wrapped up in any one man before he commits to you. And that’s why you want to keep your options open. This means you use every interaction with a man as a way to practice dating, boost your self-esteem, and draw to you your Mr. Right quickly. Continue to accept dates with other men, flirt with them, and keep yourself in circulation. When a man is interested in you, he’ll sense you have other options, and HE’LL work to make sure he has you all to himself.
Old Belief: “If I show a man my true feelings, I’ll scare him away”
Action Step: Express what you feel to create mutual safety
Saying what we really feel to a man we’re very much attracted to can feel like the scariest thing in the world. We’re afraid that if he sees what we’re REALLY like, he won’t want us.
But the opposite is true. A man actually longs to feel his feelings through YOU, so if you can communicate that you are in touch with your own feelings, he is mesmerized. He becomes captivated with your sense of self. He’ll think, “If she’s comfortable having those feelings, it must be okay for me to have them, too.” And this in turn makes him feel SAFE to express HIS feelings, which is what creating intimacy is all about.
Let me give you an example. Say you’re on a first date, and you’re feeling really nervous about it. Say it! Say, “Wow, I’m feeling quite nervous about this.” Chances are, he’s also feeling nervous, and this will bring a huge sense of relief to him. Right away, you’ve broken the ice and communicated that your – and his – feelings are okay. He’ll feel comfortable with you, the pressure’s off, and he feels free to move ever closer to you.
Are you chasing a man or working too hard in relationships without realizing it? Subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter to find out. You’ll learn how to relate to men in a whole new way and how to express even the trickiest feelings to a man so that you finally have the secure, loving, lasting relationship you’ve always wanted.