Single Over 40? The Best Asset You Don’t Know You Have

By Guest Contributor Lubov Skurina, YourTango

Single Over 40? The Best Asset You Don't Know You Have

What’s different about your dating landscape at 40 than it was 20 years ago? Everything. But many women still follow the “good old strategy” that says they just need to look good, play the dating game, and meet as many new people as possible. Sooner or later, they’ll find a partner good enough to settle for. Common sense, right? Wrong.

Back in your 20s, you were exploring. You didn’t know what to expect, and you didn’t know what you needed. Your main dating strategy was trial and error, and your deepest desire was that all men fall in love with you at first sight.

Over the years, failed relationships left their marks on your mindset. You may have gotten hurt; you may have become disappointed; you may have lost faith that you will ever find “the one” and settled with a notion that you are destined to be alone.

You likely fall into one of two camps:

Camp 1: You became comfortable, convinced yourself that you are not the marrying kind, that you are self-sufficient and don’t need anybody. In an attempt to protect you from pain your mind created various false beliefs and excuses, such as “all the good ones are taken,” “I don’t want to give up my freedom,” “I don’t have time for a relationship right now,” and “I don’t see anyone who would match my standards.”

Camp 2: You are actively dating trying to find “the one,” but every time something goes wrong. You seem to be attracting the same man in a different body over and over again. You give a lot and get very little in return. Every time you get hurt, your suspicion that “it will never work” becomes stronger. You are secretly thinking about giving up and joining Camp 1.

The reality is finding your ideal partner takes strategy. There are things you need to do, hurdles you need to go through in order to create love in your life.

You know it took strategy and persistence to build a career or a business. Why do you assume that a great relationship will just happen by itself? The strategy to attract your ideal relationship is not a cat-and-mouse “dating game” that everyone says you should play. (Socializing more is not a strategy either.)

In order to change your old relationship patterns you need to make a change deep within yourself, to shift your core beliefs and align yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually with the reality of having an entirely different person in your life — different from the kind you were attracting in the past. You should also prepare yourself for being with that person.

You now have something extremely valuable, something you did not have in your 20s — experiential understanding of yourself, your needs, and, most importantly, of the fact that you create your own reality.There is something within you that attracts your negative relationship experiences. It may be fear of intimacy created by past traumas; or lack of self-worth that is tracing its roots to your childhood; there are various inner issues that could be standing in your way.

One thing is certain; unless you become aware of these blocks and consciously dissolve them, you will be stuck in a vicious circle of negative relationship patterns, no matter how many pounds you lose or how many new people you meet.

You now have the level of awareness that makes this transformation possible. The biggest mistake you can make in your pursuit of an ideal relationship is to ignore the need for transformation and to rely on pure luck.

The good news is that you don’t need to give up who you are in order to find a soulmate. On the contrary, letting go of your limiting past conditioning will help you bring out your authentic self and attract a partner who is uniquely right and perfect for you.

Soulmate love is your birthright. Take your life experience and willingness to change, and with some guidance you will be able to create the amazing love life that you have always dreamed of.

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