No Valentine? Why You Shouldn’t Be Depressed About It!

By Dr. Seth Meyers, Licensed Psychologist, Author and Relationship Expert

single on valentines day

Gearing up for Valentine’s Day, the world starts to go a little nuts in all-out preparation for the big romantic day. Stores are flooded with chocolates and other goodies, movies are released that tout “Happily Ever After,” and television shows and commercials can’t shut up about it. No matter where you look, you’re bound to see an impossibly giant (and edible) heart. Hearts, in fact, are everywhere. Yet when you’re single, Valentine’s Day – and, of course, the days leading up to it – can make you feel a little left out. Please, my single friends, don’t buy into the hype and let it bring you down.

Your relationship status is only one part of your life.

There are some times of the year when it’s harder to be single than others. Holidays, vacations and Valentine’s Day are just a few examples. During these times, your mind has a way of playing super sneaky tricks on you. Said tricks often cause tunnel vision in which you can only see and focus on the negative parts of your life. Beware such manipulative games! This Valentine’s Day, resist the temptation to ask yourself why you’re still single (when you feel like everyone else in the world isn’t). Instead, this Valentine’s Day I want you to focus on the other parts of your life that are going well.

What To Do: Focus on the other quadrants of your life: work, social (e.g., friends and family), and interests. Instead of allowing yourself to feel bad about being single, put some more energy into one or more of these other areas in your life. Set up a phone date with a good friend, take yourself to the movies, or pamper yourself with a new clothing item or spa treatment.

Being single means you’re not like many other people who are stuck in bad relationships.

When you’re single, it’s easy to make generalizations: “Everyone is in a relationship except me;” “I’m the only one who has no plans tonight;” “All my friends in relationships look so happy.” The truth, however, is that a lot of the relationships out there aren’t good ones. Countless men and women are stuck in relationships which causes them anxiety, frustration, and even depression, but these individuals are often too afraid to end it.

Being in a relationship for a long time can make some people overly dependent on their partners, to the point where they lose themselves, and feel scared about the idea of being single again. In this way, they are trapped by fear. For those of you who are single, you don’t have those problems to deal with. What’s more, you’re living proof that you can survive just fine on your own!

What To Do: Instead of feeling down about your single status, flip it in your head and tell yourself, “I’m single because I’m waiting for a good relationship, and won’t settle for anything less.” When you make positive statements, you feel a greater sense of control over your life and feel happier and proud as a result. Don’t just be confident about your single status — be a little cocky! Feel good about the fact that you’re not like so many others, crying into their cocktails as they complain about their deadbeat boyfriends.

Being single is the best way to plan for your next relationship.

Most people don’t take full advantage of being single because they get caught up in the drama of feeling unhappy because they’re not in a relationship. But being single is really what you make of it. In the end, your happiness will depend on the choices you make, and there’s no exception when it comes to your romantic life. Make the choice to be a happy single person rather than a bitter or anxious one.

What To Do: Use the time when you’re single wisely. Once you’re in a relationship, there are freedoms you’re no longer allowed! Take the time when you’re single to enjoy yourself and casually date whomever you want – for as long you want. Finally, make a list of what traits you’re looking for in a partner, and keep your eye out for those traits when you meet new people.

Ultimately, being single is a good thing as long as you take full advantage of the time you have on your own. Don’t let this Valentine’s fool you into thinking about it any other way!

 Learn more about Dr. Seth and his book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Find the Love You Deserve .

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