How to Develop a Healthy Attitude About Singlehood and Love

By Guest Contributor Rachel Dack, MS, LCPC, NCC

how to create love

I am constantly inspired by Dr. Wayne Dyer, who brilliantly stated, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” If you read my previous article, you also know that I am an advocate for helping single individuals make powerful shifts to attract love into their lives, seek out the right relationship (vs. just any relationship) and decrease roadblocks in the way.

This brings me to several important questions: Do you tend to focus on not having love in your life now instead of your commitment to forming a loving relationship? Do you believe that because you are single now, you will always be? Do you feel torn between giving up on love and investing time and energy into dating?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above questions, you may be acting in ways that keep you single.

There is more to life than your relationship status, so it is important for your well-being and happiness to change the way you look at singlehood. You can diminish any negativity you feel about being single by changing your perception of singlehood and what is represents. It does not mean that you are undesirable, flawed, “bad” at relationships or anything distressing that your mind makes up.  Although being single may feel lonely or painful sometimes, it is a valuable time to grow as a person. You can focus on taking care of your needs, embracing your hobbies and enjoying life while remembering that a great partner will be a wonderful addition to your life, but by no means a necessity. Do away with the negative lens by affirming for yourself how great it is to have your independence and how much healthier it is to be single than in a dissatisfying relationship.

There are other empowering ways to change the way you look at your life to create the reality you want and make this powerful shift in your love life. Below are a few strategies to help you develop a healthier, more positive mindset about singlehood, love, dating and relationships.

1. Use visualization to attract love. Visualize love around you and soak it in from family, friends, pets and your community. Also spend time visualizing what you want in a partner and make a list of qualities you are looking for. Putting this list on paper is a powerful component to the law of attraction and creating your reality.

2. Shift your mind back to your commitment to having a great relationship and allowing love into your life. Intentionally bring yourself back to your intention for love when your mind naturally wanders to a more fearful, negative state. You can absolutely be happy being single but committed to finding love simultaneously.

3. While honoring yourself and any need for breaks from dating, remain committed to your goal of love. Resist viewing a healthy break as giving up, rather be compassionate to yourself and be open to going with the flow of dating. It is important that you don’t “give up” because giving up changes your level of openness and engagement with potential partners. Giving up also doesn’t feel settling because it means that you are denying yourself of what you want at your core.

4. Do not wait for life to begin until…anything! Love will be an incredible bonus but should not dictate the way you feel about yourself or your happiness level. It is healthiest when we live in the present moment and stay committed to finding joy within instead of putting our destiny in the hands of someone else. Stay empowered by being grateful for your life now regardless of your relationship status.

I will leave you with one more important question, which is perhaps the most important one: Wouldn’t your life be so much more satisfying if you put as much energy into attracting what you want as you do into questioning if you will ever have it?

About the Author:

Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach, specializing in psychotherapy for individuals and couples via her private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include relationships, self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Follow her on Twitter for more daily wisdom!

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