How a man feels about himself deep inside — also known as his “inner game” — is his key to finding and building a great relationship. Nothing worthwhile is easy…and when it comes to dating success, it couldn’t be more true. But when it isn’t happening for some guys, they immediately jump to a devastating conclusion: “There must be something wrong with me.”
If you’re a guy who’s suffering from this state of mind right now, I’ve got news for you: Without the right “inner game” attitude (also known as how you feel about yourself on the inside), it’s almost impossible to succeed with women, or anything else in life.
But the good news is that taking just a few simple steps can change everything. That in mind, here come three quick, emergency measures you can take right now to begin your escape from crippling self-doubt and insecurity — and to start building the right attitude for dating success.
STEP #1. USE YOUR IMAGINATION
The fastest way to start repairing a negative “inner game” attitude is simply to imagine your life without it. In other words, guys who turn things around begin by envisioning the kind of life they’d like to lead… and then the kind of person they need to “become” to achieve it.
Sounds deceptively simple, but try it…close your eyes and imagine how the version of “you” who’s successful with women be different than the “you” that exists today. But fair warning: For now, do NOT worry about how you’ll actually become that guy. Just stick to imagining some ways that you’ll be different once you’re sharing your life with a great woman.
In my case, a few years back I realized that “Future Me” (that guy who’s finally successful with women) would need a more easygoing attitude and to be more comfortable in his own skin. He’d need to be more willing to take risks, and to say and do things outside of his “comfort zone.” Above all, he’d need a better sense of humor.
Once I imagined this version of myself, the “steps” to get there became clearer to me. And they will for you, too…but again, that’s for LATER. For right now…
STEP #2. LEARN HOW TO “TALK TO YOURSELF”
There’s an area of psychology commonly called ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self talk.’ Simply put, it’s the way you sound inside your own head.
Men whose “inner game” is crippled by fear, shyness, doubt, and insecurity spend a majority of the time talking NEGATIVELY to themselves instead of POSITIVELY. They constantly tell themselves things like “Wow, my life is really going badly,“ or “Things never work out for me“ or “I’m just too (fill in the blank) to succeed.”
Negative self-talk is a self-esteem / energy vampire. Trash talk yourself enough, and you’ll begin to BELIEVE it. It’s a feedback loop of negativity that starts creating its own negative results in your life… dictating that you’ll react badly to situations and therefore get bad results.
Make a commitment to start talking positively to yourself ASAP, even if (at first) you don’t believe what you’re telling yourself! Set phone alarms. Send yourself texts and e-mails. Do whatever you have to do to you remember to be nice to yourself and let the bruises of all that “bad” self-talk begin to heal.
STEP #3. DRAW UP A VERY SIMPLE ACTION PLAN
Steps #1 and #2 are all about stopping the bleeding of your bad “inner game” attitude. This step is about TAKING ACTION to create NEW RESULTS…results which will begin to show themselves in your dating success and your life in general. Here’s what to do:
Take out that iPad of yours (or a good old piece of paper?) and write down 3 REAL-LIFE ACTIONS you’ll take this week to start turning things around. These should be small steps (need more confidence? Participate in an activity you’re semi-good at this week) and they should be simple (Feel like you’re too shy? Vow to say “hi” to a total stranger once a day).
Begin with these steps, and before you know it, you’ll start creating a better “inner game” attitude for yourself…a new hope and confidence that comes from just BEGINNING to change. Stick to them…add to them…and it will will ignite a CHAIN REACTION in your life. The results you’ve dreamed of — from dating success to professional achievement or to plain-old just feeling good inside — will feel within reach.
But for now, like I said…don’t worry about all that. For now, just GET STARTED.
“Double Your Dating” author David DeAngelo created a SUCCESS-PROVEN, STEP-BY-STEP PLAN that any man can use to leave behind his fears, insecurities, and anxieties for good (and replace them with the love-life of his dreams). Get David’s most powerful tips and tools delivered *FREE* to your inbox: subscribe to his newsletter here.