Help! I Can’t Stand the Rejection

by eHarmony Staff

Help! I Can't Stand the Rejection

Does your love life feel like a broken record that keeps skipping the second date? Or maybe it doesn’t even get that far—you enjoy a nice email exchange and a couple phone calls but always wind up riding solo on the Lonesometown Express.

When battling rejection, how can you withstand the constant blows to your ego and still come out a champion? eHarmony Advice has a few ideas.

Keep some Perspective

Remember, in this world where people must constantly fight against disease, wildfires, and droughts, your dating issues are not the biggest problem humanity has ever had to conquer. And haven’t you had some successes in your personal life that far outweigh any temporary setbacks you’re feeling in your love life?

When love seems to be slamming the door in your face, it’s important to remember the windows you’ve opened for yourself. These can be personal goals met, adversities overcome at work, self-expression achieved through art, or the contribution made by helping others. And don’t forget the other types of love all around you! The bonds you have with family and friends are more important than a few relative strangers’ decisions on whether or not to date you. The support of people who care about you can even be the springboard that allows you to jump back into the dating pool.

Think Like a Salesperson

Have you ever had a job where you had to sell something expensive, such as a car or a set of diamond earrings? When people are shopping for someone dear to them, they’re highly selective, and many people walk out of the shop without buying. It doesn’t mean that your cars aren’t fast or your diamonds aren’t sparkly. These people may just want a car with more seat belts or different hubcaps, or they may simply be willing to settle for an amethyst.

A good salesman knows that every sale is important, but he also knows how to size up a person who’s not buying, so he can get on with his day and make a real sale. In the world of dating, make sure you don’t spend too much time or emotional capital on the people who are on the fence. Feel confident in yourself, and save your best sales pitch for the buyers who really like your brand.

The Best Defense is a Good Offense

Some people think of dating as a black-and-white line drawing, where you have only one chance to make your ends meet. You need to see it like Michelangelo saw an unfinished sculpture: Dating is your giant chunk of marble, and to get down to the soulmate within, you have to hack away and hack away until all the dates who aren’t your masterpiece are gone.

For better or worse, dating is a numbers game, and a certain percentage of attempts are bound to fail. In many cases, people will simply not find chemistry with you, and in many cases, you’ll not find it with them. The lucky thing about soul mates, though, is that it just takes one! If you’re constantly meeting new people, communicating, and asking people out or going on dates—sure, you will experience rejection, but you’ll be able to get past the rejecters much more quickly and to find the people who treasure your company.

Unclog the Bottlenecks

In business, companies are constantly trying to find the areas of most resistance, where costs are too high or supplies are too low, and to streamline things so that business can keep moving. In your attempts at dating, you may find that there’s a particular place in the process where you are getting stuck. Perhaps you email well but never get past the first phone call. Perhaps your coffee dates are good, but your dinner dates end up in the doldrums. Maybe you have a tough time even getting people to initiate communication with you!

It’s quite possible that a large part of this rejection can be eliminated by making simple changes in your approach. So find the bottleneck, and smooth things out! If your phone calls never lead to anything, perhaps you’re calling too soon or too late, or perhaps you’re not speaking in a confident, casual tone. If no one wants to go on a second dinner date, perhaps you need to choose a new restaurant for the first date! And if no one initiates communication with you on eHarmony, perhaps you could edit your profile, so that your first impression is filled with the things that give you joy—things your dates might also share. Focusing a keen eye on the part of the dating path where you stumble the most will help you smooth things out and get you back on track.

We know that nothing hurts worse than feeling rejected, but it’s important to remember that rejection is a normal part of the dating process. By keeping a clear head and not sweating the small stuff, you can minimize the bruises and scrapes of wayward love and get centered in your quest to find the person you want to be with.

What techniques do you use to keep your head up in the world of dating?

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