You’re smart. You’re online because you know it’s the best place to meet other singles. But what do you do once you’ve decided you like his profile, enjoy his emails and have had a conversation or two on the phone? It’s time for the meet-date.
In my previous article I told you the first 5 Ways to Turn Your Meet-Date in to a Date-Date. These are my tips and techniques to help you assess whether you want a “real date,” and, if you do, how to increase the chances that it will happen. Oh…and to help you have some fun!
As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 who met her husband online and has countless clients who are online, I see proof every day that online dating helps people meet, have some fun and fall in love. But there are right ways and wrong ways of doing it.
How you navigate the first meeting is crucial to your success. There is an art to getting the most of the meet-date, as well as enjoying it. So here are the rest of the tips that I give my private coaching clients, and now you, to ensure your success:
#1 Get out of your head and into the moment.
Be “present” on your date. If you don’t, you may completely miss the man of your dreams. No asking yourself if he could be The One or trying to analyze what he says or doesn’t say. When I am coaching clients, I encourage them to start in the DISCOVER mode. This is especially true of the meet date. Just experience what it feels like to be with him. There will be plenty of time later to DECIDE if he’s someone you want to stay with.
#2 Start with the positive.
Be kind and practice empathy. He has fears and insecurities just like you. And, just like you, he may be a bit nervous. Try not to get hung up on some little thing he does that bugs you. Consider if it is truly a deal breaker. Regard him with the kind eyes of a woman working hard to find a good man. Here is a tip to help you: Start by finding at least three things about him: Did he show up on time? Was he nice to the waitress? Do you like his smile? This will serve you much better than starting with what’s wrong with him.
#3 Give it the attention it deserves.
Remember that this is your one chance to connect with that potentially great guy. Your appearance and attitude on every one of these meet-dates really matters. If you’re coming from work, leave a few minutes early so you can go home, change out of your power clothes and chill out with a cup of tea or a quick walk. Make that shift out of your bad day, watching the news…anything that tenses you up…so you can show up looking great with the gift of a big, open smile.
#4. Lead with your femininity.
In part one I told you I’d share the #1 thing men want from women. Here it is: Your “womanliness.” Studies show men are highly attracted to the feminine woman. This doesn’t mean being a helpless damsel in distress. Grownup men want women who can take care of themselves. But they also want partners who are willing and able to receive love and support.
You can show this by letting him pay, accepting his compliments graciously and being real – girly side and all. You have nothing to prove and you don’t have to be anything you are not, but do try to access your feminine side. After all, men can get all the other stuff on their own or with their buds.
#5. Consider this practice and remember kharma.
Every email, phone conversation and date is practice that brings you closer to The One. Statistically, your meet-date won’t turn out to be him. But one day you WILL have your last date!
In the meantime, enjoy meeting someone new and be open to what comes up. If he doesn’t appear to be your man in the first ten minutes, just relax and be in the moment. (See #1.) You never know; you may just let yourself relax into a very nice feeling.
Unless he’s a real creep (which very, very few men are), help him feel good about himself by giving him some compliments and thanking him graciously. You’ll be doing the next woman a favor and sharing a true kindness with this nice man, even if you’re not planning on seeing him again. You’ll put some chits in your dating kharma bank.
And finally, I’ll reiterate a tip from my previous five: Keep your eyes on the prize.
You’re looking for a good man with whom you can share a deep connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration and a lifetime of happiness. Everything you do should be toward that end. That means having patience, going out there being your very best, and choosing long-term happiness over momentary pleasure.
Bobbi invites you to join her Grownup Girls’ Night Out! Every month she supports you with a different topic about dating, relationships. intimacy and more…exclusively for women over 40. Learn how to attract smart, interesting, relationship-minded men that are RIGHT for you. You can register here for free.