It’s normal to want to be liked but if you’re approaching dating as an interview, where you will say anything and be anyone to get ‘hired’ it’s time to take back control of your life and stop caring too much about what other people think about you. Read on for tips on how to let the real you shine and get on with your fabulous life.
If you want to find a true partner in life, you have got to be just as true yourself. Hiding your interests, beliefs and personality because you are concerned the other person won’t like you for it doesn’t give the date a fair chance for both of you to decide if this is someone you have a real connection with.
“It takes two people to be in a relationship,” says Dr. Anne-Renée Testa, a New York psychologist and relationship coach. “Women are famous for saying it’s my fault, they’re always feeling responsible.” By placing too much emphasis on what other people think about you, you don’t think about what you want, and ultimately you’re the person that has to live with the decisions you make.
“I for one don’t care what people think of me because I know that I’m a good person, I wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally and I’m not afraid of the outcome because the outcome is going to be good. Regardless, you’re going to learn something from the relationship. I believe things are put in our path, a negative or a positive, so that we learn more about ourselves.” Dr. Testa says when dating remember that, “Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, it is better that you find out now before having a marriage and children with the person.” But what should you do if you find yourself caring too much about what others think?
Dr. Testa advises that when you are having those feelings, it is your critical mind at work. “You’ve got to be able to kick it away and say, I’m terrific, and replace those judgmental thoughts with positive ones about yourself.” She recommends finding the good qualities about yourself and gain confidence by replacing the negative thinking you are having with positive thinking. “This is not the last relationship on earth, if it’s not this one there will be another one. If it’s not supposed to happen it’s not going to happen no matter what you do so you might as well be yourself.”
It’s normal to want to be liked but if the majority of your day revolves around being concerned about what people think of you, it may be that you care too much. Dr. Testa suggests writing down a list of things you like about yourself. When you start feeling insecure or begin caring too much about what other people think about you, refer to this list, which will give you the confidence to be yourself and show you all the positive things you have to offer the right person.
Clearly, there’s a difference between not caring about what other people think about you and not caring about how your actions will affect other people. You may struggle with the need to fit in and be accepted but if you commit to putting the negative thoughts aside and have confidence in what you have to offer a potential partner you’ll start letting the real you shine bright.
Read on for similar articles in our Stages of Love road map!