Divorced? Five Steps to a Fresh Start in 2013

By Guest Contributor Marina Pearson, MA, YourTango.com

divorce and how to get over it

I cannot believe we are nearing the end of 2012. This year has flown by, hasn’t it? With the new year on its way, now is the best time to start thinking about what next year holds and what you want from it. You see, without writing down what you want, life will usually happen to you, which means you are not in control of the outcome. And I know it may seem difficult to focus on the positive when you’re in the midst of a painful divorce or breakup, but this is exactly the right time to start.

Whatever happened happened. However, how you deal with what happened is up to you. That’s right. Having been through it myself, the only thing I know for certain is that you have the power to turn your crisis into an opportunity.

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What I often see with my clients is an incredible amount of fear towards their future. However, the future hasn’t happened yet, and you are fully in control of painting a beautiful picture for yourself. With that in mind, here are some of the most useful tips that have worked really well for my clients:

1. Commit. Make a commitment to yourself to let go of the past. Until you do, you will not make room for anyone new to come in. Plus, hanging onto the anger and regret will only make you feel worse. It may even affect the relationship you have with your children. By making the commitment to let go, you decide to live in the present and stop struggling.

2. Set goals. Write a list of 12 lovely things you want to achieve next year — one per month. This list will propel you forward and enrich your life. For example, is there somewhere you have been dying to go? Something you have wanted to buy yourself? Now’s your chance.

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3. Brainstorm. What kind of relationship do you want to create with your ex? Things may not be easy right now, and you may not even want to go there, but if you set the intention to create a relationship, you will be able to identify the behaviors you wish to change, and therefore, the relationship will automatically shift.

4. Practice gratitude. Every cloud has a silver lining. Whatever is going on for you, the situation will have it’s own upside. You may not be able to see it yet, but if you write down 10 things you are grateful for every day (no matter how small), not only will you feel better about each day, but you will start to attract more things that you can feel grateful for. You see, what you focus on expands!

5. Become mindful of your language. Your language creates your reality. So, depending on what you say to yourself, you will either create a negative reality or a positive one. It’s important to become aware of the language you use. For example, if you say to yourself, “I am in crisis,” then you will be and you will probably feel awful because of it. However, if you say “I am taking the steps towards my incredible recovery.” How different would that make you feel compared to the first option? Say it now and see what comes up for you.

The new year is an opportunity to brush off the old and usher in a bright future for you and your kids.

 

This article originally published at YourTango.com: Divorced? 5 Steps to a Fresh Start in 2013

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