If you’re single, you’ve heard them all way too many times. You may even have taken them to heart in efforts to change your status! Here we dispell common beliefs about being single…
Clichés about singlehood — if you’re single, you’ve heard them all — way too many times. You may even have taken them to heart in efforts to change your status.
If you’re “attached,” you may have pulled these phrases out of your pocket to help your single friends find someone special, or to comfort them about their single label.
Clichés become clichés for a reason — but does that mean they’re entirely true? Does that make them helpful? Here are 7 popular ones, and some ideas to challenge their logic.
1. “You’re not ready.”
This suggests that a serious relationship requires a certain level of personal growth for it to work.
Commitment and marriage may actually be the crucible for optimal personal growth. Look around, plenty of married people aren’t that mature or emotionally healthy, while plenty of single people are. Everyone can pursue personal growth and improve all their relationships, regardless of status.
2. “You’re not attractive enough.”
This suggests that the single person lacks magnetic elements necessary to find a relationship partner.
People in relationships may actually feel just as undesirable as those not in relationships, depending upon the situation. Not all unions form out of attraction — some even form out of need or obligation. Whether “available” or “taken,” everyone has attractive qualities — some people’s appeal is more universal, while others may have qualities that appeal to a more specific “audience.” Discover your attractive qualities and optimize them!
3. “You want it too much, or you’re trying too hard.”
This suggests that you won’t get what you want until you “let go.”
Who can reach into their heart, grab their desires and toss them away? It’s Murphy’s Law: if you want it, you can’t have it. Realistically, even relationships that form “by chance” require action, belief, and desire to ignite and to thrive. Through trying, failing, and trying again, people can learn valuable lessons to help them enjoy all relationships more, and potentially, a special one. If you have a desire, seek it out and persevere until you reach your goal.
4. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
This suggests the equation: “singleness = failure.”
To reiterate, being proactive in a soul mate search is wonderful. However, only the person looking can determine what kinds of searches and how many are appropriate for them. Others may try to impose activities that aren’t right for a certain person’s style. That doesn’t mean that they’re not doing enough. Not reaching your goal or having your dreams fulfilled doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong.
5. “You’re too picky.”
This suggests that a person is single because their standards are too stringent.
In reality, each person has their own unique set of “Must Haves and Can’t Stands” (relationship partner requirements). Review your deal breakers and deal-makers — determine what’s truly important and what is, in the long run, inconsequential. Don’t feel pressured to “settle.”
6. “It’s just not your time, all you can do is wait.”
This suggests you are at the mercy of fate.
While it may be comforting to know your life is in the hands of a higher power and your singleness isn’t your “fault,” it also may leave the single person feeling powerless. Empower yourself by being the best you can be, by taking positive steps toward your desires.
7. “Enjoy your freedom while you can. Commitment ties you down.”
This suggests that singleness is implicitly good, while commitment is implicitly bad.
This phrase that is often meant to comfort a single person may also invalidate their desire to be in a relationship (consider the source – it may come from someone who is having a rough time in a committed relationship). To some people, being single may feel like a prison at times. And commitment may offer types of freedoms and opportunities. Both statuses exhibit pros and cons. Embrace the season of your life that you’re in and enjoy!
Essentially, blanket statements can’t address everyone’s reality. Being single doesn’t mean there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. Cast off accusations, and head towards the relationship you really want!