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6 Ways to Eliminate Toxic Love and Attract Healthy Love

By Guest Contributor Riana Milne, MA, LMHC, CAP

how to find good love

If you’re tired of doing all the right things yet still end up with emotional manipulators or moody, toxic partners who are unable to love, you need to make happiness a priority and choose to learn to love in a different way. Below are six key concepts you need to attract healthy love and eliminate any attraction to a toxic partner.

1. Healthy, evolved love often has to be learned and does not come naturally to most people. We are conditioned to show and receive love by how we are loved as children, or by what was modeled to us by our parents as “normal.” Therefore, if you grew up within a domestic violent household or felt fearful and insecure due to a traumatic childhood full of toxic drama, you may attract these patterns in your own adult love relationships.

2. Excessive dependence or anxiety over being alone or abandoned can create a dynamic of power struggles and resentment. You may attract a codependent partner, then try to change your partner to fulfill a deep-seated need that, with therapy, you should heal for yourself. You can’t change your partner, but you can change yourself.

3. What you choose to tolerate will repeatedly occur, and you must ask yourself, are you allowing your partner to treat you badly? You both either provide positive (powerful) or negative (exhausting) energy to the other.

4. The happiest couples consist of two emotionally balanced, evolved individuals with wholesome self-esteem, trust and integrity, strong boundaries, and a deep sense of personal faith and purpose in their life.

5. It is important for each person to use loving and peaceful communication skills, and know how to turn negative feelings into positive messages for change. Without blame or shame statements, each person needs to share their honest feelings in a calm, open way. With an empathic ear and a new understanding of the other’s needs, wants and desires, each is consciously aware of being careful of what they do and say to the other.

6. Partners need to be each other’s best friend and have fun together with shared activities. Lessons from their past mistakes are discussed, and vows made to leave the past behind, forgive it, and focus on “the now” and their future. Each person’s individual dreams are considered, as goals are set for the couple, which makes both partners feel loved, supported, confident and terrific.

An evolved relationship has:

• Foundation: Trust, shared moral values, confidence in their self and partner, putting the couple first.

• Flexibility: open-minded, easy-going, patient, kind, understanding, feels safe to risk and share.

• Fidelity: honesty, loyalty, trust, and integrity.

• Friendship: respect, kindness, reliable, thoughtful, a best friend.

• Fun: common interests, shared activities, a sense of humor, regular dating and shared intimacy.

• Compromise: acceptance, forgiveness without blame, can negotiate differences.

• Balanced partners: healthy self-esteem and family relationships, boundaries, purpose in work, gratitude.

• Spirituality: faith in something greater than self that provides guidance and demands accountability.

• Connection: daily affection and loving communication, mutual sexual desire and intimacy.

An evolved way of loving and being can be learned. It can change your life, your energy, and the entire dynamic of your love relationship. Life is too short to be unhappy. You can break free of toxic relationships and have the love you deserve. It begins with knowledge, loving yourself more, and making happiness a priority.

About the author:

Riana Milne, MA, LMHC, CAP is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Cert. Addictions Professional at Therapy by the Sea, LLC; Also a Certified, worldwide Relationship & Life Coach, published author, and motivational speaker, her free App: My Relationship Coach offers more articles and her books, LIVE Beyond Your Dreams – from Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success, and LOVE Beyond Your Dreams – Break Free of Toxic Relationships to Have the Love You Deserve addresses relationships with yourself and others. To learn more or suggest a topic, go to Riana’s website,

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