5 Dating Tips for the Shy Guy

by eHarmony Staff

5 Dating Tips for the Shy Guy

Calling all shy guys! Think your natural-born bashful tendencies are keeping you single? Think again. While you may sometimes feel anxious, uncertain, and/or insecure when it comes to dating, the truth is that the right kind of woman will appreciate your unassuming ways. When in doubt, the following five tips should help ease your dating anxiety and help you ultimately woo the woman of your dreams.

Fake it Till you Make It

Not to get all Dr. Phil on you, but the good doctor’s got a point. If you’re a shy guy, you’ll need to start projecting self-confidence when dealing with women, even if you don’t fully feel it yet. Keep in mind, confidence is different than bragging and boasting. A confident man can comfortably make eye contact with a cute stranger, offer a friendly smile, and strike up a casual conversation without seeming phony or full of himself. If the idea of approaching a woman you don’t know feels overwhelming, take it slow. Practice making and maintaining eye contact with a member of the opposite sex every day for a week. The following week, add a friendly smile to your efforts. Once that feels natural, start saying hello. It’s true what they say — practice makes perfect, so the more you put these new behaviors into practice, the more natural they’ll become. By the time you meet someone amazing, you’ll be ready, willing, and able to confidently and comfortably ask her out.

Retrain your Brain

If your beliefs about dating have been largely negative, it’s time to retrain your brain. The past is the past. Let go of any dating disappointments and other drama you’ve experienced. Believe that future dating success IS possible for you. By thinking positively, you engage the law of attraction. In turn, you start attracting healthy, happy, confident women into your life. When in doubt, practice the following exercise. Every morning when you wake up, and also right before you go to bed, say to yourself, “Dating is…” and fill in the blank. Examples include “Dating is easy,” “Dating is fun,” “Dating is abundant,” etc. The key is to retrain your brain until you actually embrace your new belief system. Once you do, you’ll be surprised at how easily you’ll attract members of the opposite sex.

Be your Best Self

Just as you should fake confidence and retrain your brain, you should also strive to become your best self. How? By looking, acting, and talking as though you know who you really are and that you are comfortable in your own skin. This, too, can take time to implement. Day by day, work toward becoming the best version of yourself. If that means joining a gym to lose a couple of pounds, splurging on a few stylish new wardrobe pieces that make you feel better about yourself, and/or taking a class on presenting with confidence, go for it. Women are drawn to men who genuinely seem to like themselves without being boastful or arrogant.

Take an Interest in Her

Not comfortable talking about yourself when you meet someone new? Engage her in conversation! First of all, your interest in her and her life will be a refreshing change of pace from all the other self-absorbed guys she’s ever dated. Second, women like to feel interesting, desirable, and/or intriguing to men during the courtship process. By giving her the green light to open up and share, she’ll feel more attractive and in turn be more inclined to let you into her world.

Embrace your Shyness

Okay, this next piece of advice may feel counterintuitive to everything else included in this article. But here’s the deal: women dig men who are inherently humble. As a shy guy, you have the advantage of not possessing boastful or arrogant genes. So while you may need to work on your level of self-comfort and confidence to get a woman’s attention, always remember that your natural-born bashful tendencies will be appreciated by the right woman. Instead of apologizing for being shy, embrace it, work with it, and be yourself.

While there are some women out there in the dating trenches who are addicted to chasing bad boys, there are plenty of other healthy and happy women who are ready, willing, and able to appreciate a good man. As a shy guy, it’s up to you to get out there, practice your personal dating and flirting style, and make yourself available to these amazing women. They are out there. It’s up to you to do the work, become your most confident self, and play to your inherent strengths.

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