Relationship expert Marni Battista tackles another area of unfamiliar territory for many when it comes to online dating. Here are her tips for how to deal with those dating profiles…
While an amazing connection between two people who meet online can happen on a first date, it’s safe to assume that it generally takes people a minimum of one month to decide they want to focus on dating one person only. (We suggest one month minimum to ensure you’re dating with dignity, which means really collecting data on your new partner before you decide if he or she is “the one.”) For men that time period can be even longer, as it can take men from one to three months to decide if they want to take themselves off the market.
This “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation is similar to the “What are you looking for in a relationship?” conversation or a “Sooo, are you dating anyone else?” conversation. As a result, it’s important to tread carefully while using excellent communication.
Why? Because rushing into a conversation like this could scare the other person if you bring it up too soon. So, you ask, when is “too soon” to initiate the conversation. Before you begin to wonder what he or she wants, though, we recommend you begin by taking a look inward. What is it that you want, and why?
Taking your own profile down for a personal reason such as “I’m taking a break from online dating” or “I find myself checking my inbox too often” is perfectly fine. However, taking it offline after one amazing date with a seemingly amazing person is not such a great idea. If they notice that you’ve removed it at midnight when you left your date around 11:30, they will probably assume it has something to do with them — and probably think you’re jumping the gun.
So ease up and be patient. It’s important that you get to know this person first. One date does not make a Prince Charming, no matter how charming he may be.
One thing you can do if you feel ready to remove your profile after one to three months of amazing-ness with Mr. or Ms. Right is to engage in a conversation with them about it directly. Side-stepping this conversation is, in itself, a red flag because there’s something inside you that is most likely “afraid” to bring it up.
If this sounds familiar, then it’s critical to find the cause of this fear. Resolving this internal conflict is step one because if you’re not comfortable talking to them about big “issues,” then it’s definitely too soon to even have the conversation in the first place.
If, however, things are progressing and this person makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, it’s perfectly appropriate to have the “taking down the profile” conversation. You can simply say, “I’m happy with how our relationship is progressing and have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I know, for me, I’m not interested in dating anyone besides you right now. What do you think about that?”
If he/she isn’t ready, you may want to evaluate your current relationship status; you could think it’s more serious than it is. And if this is the case, that’s great news to know right away because you can then start to look more realistically at their potential as your match, and continue dating both online and off!
Have you had this conversation with anyone you have dated? How did it go?