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	<title>eHarmony Blog &#187; unrealistic expectations</title>
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		<title>Dating Advice: Do you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship?</title>
		<link>http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2011/11/15/dating-advice-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/</link>
		<comments>http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2011/11/15/dating-advice-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:57:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Heather Setrakian, MA</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Science of Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[behavior]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eHarmony Labs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationship Help]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unrealistic expectations]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.advice.eharmony.com/blog/?p=10139</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Unrealistic expectations are biased notions of how one should behave. Common clues include words “should,” “always,” and “never;" these reflect rules that can often undermine love in relationships.   Do you have too many rules?</p><p>The post <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2011/11/15/dating-advice-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/">Dating Advice: Do you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship?</a> appeared first on <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/blog">eHarmony Blog</a>.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Unrealistic expectations are biased notions of how one should behave, or how an extreme measure of acceptability in couple behavior.  These are usually blanket statements that impose stress on anyone trying to adhere to them.  Common clues include words “should,” “always,” and “never”  in your statements (of course, not talking about issues of security or respect); these instill pressure in yourself and others around you.  Here are examples of beliefs that can dismantle love in relationships:</p>
<p><strong>Disagreement is always destructive:</strong> Do you think that partners should agree on all matters, getting extremely upset if your partner disagrees with you on even casual beliefs?  Can you not let an idea go until you both agree (or your partner agrees with you) even if it means you are up half the night arguing?   Do you feel that the relationship (or your feelings) is falling apart if you have a disagreement?  You might have an unrealistic belief about conflict in your relationship.<a href="http://static.static.eharmony.com/blog/2011/11/15/dating-advice-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/relationship-expectations_mr-perfect/" rel="attachment wp-att-10146"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-10146" title="Relationship Expectations_Mr. Perfect" src="http://static.static.eharmony.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Relationship-Expectations_Mr.-Perfect-236x300.jpg" alt="Relationship Expectations Mr. Perfect 236x300 Dating Advice: Do you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship?" width="236" height="300" /></a>  When couples can address their negative feelings is a safe and constructive way, it can actually help a relationship grow stronger.</p>
<p><strong>Relationship partners should sense each other’s thoughts and feelings without having to verbalize them</strong>:  This is tantamount to mind-reading.  Do you <em>expect</em> your partner to understand your moods simply by the huff in your voice?  Do you think people really in love <em>should</em> be attuned to each other at all times?  While partners should be empathetic to one another, super powers are for comic book heroes.  You are expecting too much from nonverbal communication.  While it’s risky to pipe up and talk about vulnerable feelings, it’s the only way to true intimacy with the one you love.</p>
<p>Are there some &#8216;rules for a relationship&#8217; that you just can&#8217;t give up?  Have you fallen victim to unrealistic expectations in the past?  <a title="Relationship Advice: How unrealistic expectations undermine love" href="http://www.eharmony.com/labs/2011/11/how-you-can-kill-love-with-%E2%80%9Cshould%E2%80%9D-%E2%80%9Calways%E2%80%9D-and-%E2%80%9Cnever-%E2%80%9D-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/">Read about three more, and tell us your own- here.</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/blog/2011/11/15/dating-advice-do-you-have-unrealistic-expectations-for-a-relationship/">Dating Advice: Do you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship?</a> appeared first on <a href="http://www.eharmony.com/blog">eHarmony Blog</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
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