Recent research by Lavner, Karney, & Bradbury at UCLA investigated the effects of cold feet on the likelihood of divorce as well as effects on relationship satisfaction.  Out of the 232 couples they followed for 4 years, 47% of husbands and 38% of wives said they had some pre-wedding doubts, and overall, 12% of the couples divorced within 4 years.  Among the wives, only 8% of those who said they did not have pre-wedding doubts had their relationships end in divorce.  But for those wives who did have cold feet, 19% of them ended in divorce.  It was very similar for men, where only 9% of those without pre-wedding doubts ended in divorce, and 14% with doubts ended in divorce.  Overall, even if one person in a couple has the pre-wedding jitters, then their chances of getting divorced are generally increased.

But what about those who stayed together?  The researchers showed that couples who had cold feet were significantly less satisfied with their relationship than those without any doubts, and remained less satisfied throughout the first four years of marriage.  So even though these couples may have not divorced, they were still ultimately less happy in their marriage.

But what does that mean for us?  If you have any doubts, should you follow Julia Robert’s lead from Runaway Bride and high-tail it out of the relationship?  Definitely not.  One of the best things you can do is talk to your partner about it.  If you two talk about each other’s doubts and fears in taking the next step, you’ll start to understand one another better and can work to help calm each other’s nerves about the upcoming nuptials, and eventually alleviate all (or at least some) of the doubts altogether.

The post Is There More to the “Pre-Wedding Jitters” Than You Think? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

A recent study looked into the relationship between a person’s responsiveness to the feelings and needs of another and the amount of initial attraction felt towards that person, and found that overall, a responsive potential partner is more sexually desirable than an unresponsive partner.

However, when comparing the attraction to a responsive potential partner between men and women, the researchers found a key difference: men found responsive potential partners to be more sexually desirable, whereas women found responsive potential partners to actually be less sexually desirable.  So although everyone says they want a partner who understands and takes care of them, this isn’t necessarily true in the periods of initial attraction for women.  But what can these findings do for your dating life?

Women:  Be as kind as you can be to men.  But be sure you know what you’re saying with your kindness and responsiveness.  Men respond to it in a much different way than you do.  When men see your kindness and how responsive you are to them and their feelings, they can see it as a sign you want to be with them and eventually sleep with them.  If you’ve been crushing on a certain man in your life, show them how supportive and responsive you can be to them and their feelings and maybe they’ll see you in a different light.

Men:  It’s great that you consider yourself “a nice guy” and sensitive to a woman’s needs.  Seriously, keep that up or even work on strengthening it.  But, according to this study, don’t show that to a woman right off the bat.  Women do want to end up with a guy like you, but they’re not going to be sexually attracted to you right away.  Women could be mistaking your initial kindness and responsiveness for some type of ploy to get them into bed or even as desperation.  Try waiting just a bit to show them how attentive to their needs you can be.  Nice guys do end up winning, just not at first.

There has been plenty of research in the past showing that couples who are more responsive to one another are the most satisfied and strongest couples.  Being attentive to another’s feelings and needs is definitely an important part of a relationship and should be something you strive to be able to do for someone, just know how to use it in attracting potential dates.

Similar articles from eHarmony Labs that you might enjoy:

• Five Easy Ways to Have More Sex – Some of the easiest tactics you can do to boost your chances in the dating scene.
• Is He Generous or Does He Just Want to Have Sex? – Does a man show off his charity and generosity just to get with women?
• Trusting Your Partner Can Make You Live Longer – How can solid foundations of trust and responsiveness in a relationship decrease your chances of later physical ailments?

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The post No More Mister Nice Guy: A Guide to Attracting Partners appeared first on eHarmony Blog.