Research has shown that parental divorce can drastically alter the attachment style of a child, where they may be less likely to create a fully trusting relationship, and afraid to commit or open up to a partner. However, recent research by Robert Ackerman and colleagues at the University of Texas at Dallas focused on how positive family interactions in the teenage years can affect romantic relationships in adulthood.

The researchers found that individuals who came from families which expressed more positive engagement with one another were less likely to act hostile towards their partners as adults, and were more likely to have higher satisfaction with their relationships. Their partners were also found to be less hostile and have higher relationship satisfaction.

These results could be showing that the dynamics within a family can influence a teenager to form better methods of interacting with loved ones, which could be influencing their eventual partner in adulthood as well. It could also be that these individuals from positive families are seeking out partners who are similar to themselves and have had that same warm and nurturing environment growing up. The researchers believe it could be a combination of the two theories.

How can we use this information for our adult dating lives?

The next time you’re meeting somebody new, you might want to ask them a little more about the relationship with their family during their teen years. It could tell you quite a bit about how they form relationships and how likely they are to be warm and supportive with their own family later in life.

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But what kind of influence can this plethora of love songs have on our everyday lives?  Recent research looked at the effects of love songs on dating behavior.  In a study by Jacob et al (1999), the researchers looked at what kind of influence music can have at a flower shop.  Interestingly, they found that men, but not women, spent more money in the flower shop when romantic songs were playing  then when non-romantic pop songs or no music was played.

In another recent study, Guéguen et al (2010) conducted a “marketing” survey in which women were told they would be discussing organic products with another participant.  However, instead of a marketing survey, they were actually exposed to either a romantic or non-romantic song in the waiting room, and later asked for their phone number by another participant who was really part of the study.  The researchers found that women who listened to the romantic song before the experiment were much more likely to give out their phone number. 52% of women who listened to the romantic song gave out their phone numbers, whereas only 28% from the non-romantic song group gave out their numbers.

Not only can music change your mood, this research shows it can drastically alter your behavior as well.  Why does this happen?  Researchers believe it could be that this particular type of music lifts your overall mood, making you more open and receptive to a new possibility.  They also think love songs could prime you into a more romantic state, and lead you to look for these situations more and behave in a similar manner.  So if you’re single and at your favorite hangout, before approaching the person across the room you’ve been exchanging glances with, you might want to kick on something romantically charged like Michael Jackson or Al Green to up the chances of a receptive interaction!

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Recent research has shown that people who follow more of these traditional gender roles in the bedroom with a dominant man and submissive woman had lower levels of sexual self-efficacy. Sexual self-efficacy includes how confident one feels in sexual situations, overall sexual satisfaction, and their ability to initiate safe-sex.  Overall, men were more likely to hold the belief that men should be more dominant sexually than women.  But both men and women who follow these traditional gender roles in the bedroom were less confident in sexual situations as well as less satisfied with their sexual relationships.  Women were also found to be less likely to initiate safe-sex practices, in that they would follow what their dominant partner would want or wait for their suggestion.

So if you take on these types of roles, chances are you’re not going to be nearly as satisfied with your sexual relationship as those who prefer gender equality in the bedroom, and you won’t be as confident in your own sexual prowess.  You should think about switching to an equality mentality so you and your partner will have an equal say in what goes on between the sheets, you’ll know exactly what satisfies your partner and how to achieve that, which will lead you both to a happier and more satisfying relationship.

The post Equality Now! Why You Should Strive for Equality in the Bedroom appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

This story made me think about how important first impressions can be, and what kinds of things can be telling so much about you without even knowing it.  Some recent research was interested in how limited non-interaction indicators, namely shoes, can reveal certain characteristics about people.  They found that observers, who were just shown pictures of people’s shoes, were able to accurately guess the person’s age, gender, and income, just based on a picture of their favorite kicks!  What was even more interesting, these observers were also able to accurately estimate the person’s level of attachment anxiety.

A person who has a high level of attachment anxiety needs to be noticed and be the center of attention constantly.  They need a strong level of reinforcement and are fearful of being abandoned.  The researchers suggest that people with high levels of attachment anxiety will wear shoes that are eye-catching and expressive of their own personalities, which will make them stand out more to others and they will receive the attention that they crave.  But most importantly, others can see through that!  Observers knew those who wore flashy, expressive shoes were more anxious in their attachments.

So before putting on your favorite shoes while getting ready for a date, you might want to keep in mind what kinds of things your shoes might be saying about you.

What are your favorite shoes to wear on a date?  What do you think they say about you?

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A recent study looked into the relationship between a person’s responsiveness to the feelings and needs of another and the amount of initial attraction felt towards that person, and found that overall, a responsive potential partner is more sexually desirable than an unresponsive partner.

However, when comparing the attraction to a responsive potential partner between men and women, the researchers found a key difference: men found responsive potential partners to be more sexually desirable, whereas women found responsive potential partners to actually be less sexually desirable.  So although everyone says they want a partner who understands and takes care of them, this isn’t necessarily true in the periods of initial attraction for women.  But what can these findings do for your dating life?

Women:  Be as kind as you can be to men.  But be sure you know what you’re saying with your kindness and responsiveness.  Men respond to it in a much different way than you do.  When men see your kindness and how responsive you are to them and their feelings, they can see it as a sign you want to be with them and eventually sleep with them.  If you’ve been crushing on a certain man in your life, show them how supportive and responsive you can be to them and their feelings and maybe they’ll see you in a different light.

Men:  It’s great that you consider yourself “a nice guy” and sensitive to a woman’s needs.  Seriously, keep that up or even work on strengthening it.  But, according to this study, don’t show that to a woman right off the bat.  Women do want to end up with a guy like you, but they’re not going to be sexually attracted to you right away.  Women could be mistaking your initial kindness and responsiveness for some type of ploy to get them into bed or even as desperation.  Try waiting just a bit to show them how attentive to their needs you can be.  Nice guys do end up winning, just not at first.

There has been plenty of research in the past showing that couples who are more responsive to one another are the most satisfied and strongest couples.  Being attentive to another’s feelings and needs is definitely an important part of a relationship and should be something you strive to be able to do for someone, just know how to use it in attracting potential dates.

Similar articles from eHarmony Labs that you might enjoy:

• Five Easy Ways to Have More Sex – Some of the easiest tactics you can do to boost your chances in the dating scene.
• Is He Generous or Does He Just Want to Have Sex? – Does a man show off his charity and generosity just to get with women?
• Trusting Your Partner Can Make You Live Longer – How can solid foundations of trust and responsiveness in a relationship decrease your chances of later physical ailments?

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The post No More Mister Nice Guy: A Guide to Attracting Partners appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

“Women often need to do nothing to promote a sexual encounter. Simply existing in time and space and being naked under their clothes is often enough to trigger approach attempts by men.” -D. Symons

Walk into any bar, coffee shop, bookstore, DMV, etc., etc.: anywhere men and women intermingle, there will be flirting.  The tendency for men and women to flirt with each other is widely accepted (and expected!) as a means of initiating romantic relationships.  Just exactly how we engage each other to communicate our romantic interests, however, allows more room for debate.  Who should make the first move?  Does flirting with someone always mean “I’m interested”?  Does a “one-night stand” flirt differently than someone interested in a long-term relationship?  And, given all the different ways there are to flirt, how much can you really determine about the flirter’s potential?

According to a recent study, you can learn quite a bit, including someone’s personality, attitudes and beliefs about courtship, self-presentation tendencies, and even past relationship behaviors.  Researchers developed the “Flirting Styles Inventory” to identify the individual differences in the communication of romantic interest (Hall, Carter, Cody, & Albright, 2010).  Specifically, they identified 5 distinct flirting styles…

Click here to see what your flirting style says about you.

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