Research has shown that parental divorce can drastically alter the attachment style of a child, where they may be less likely to create a fully trusting relationship, and afraid to commit or open up to a partner. However, recent research by Robert Ackerman and colleagues at the University of Texas at Dallas focused on how positive family interactions in the teenage years can affect romantic relationships in adulthood.

The researchers found that individuals who came from families which expressed more positive engagement with one another were less likely to act hostile towards their partners as adults, and were more likely to have higher satisfaction with their relationships. Their partners were also found to be less hostile and have higher relationship satisfaction.

These results could be showing that the dynamics within a family can influence a teenager to form better methods of interacting with loved ones, which could be influencing their eventual partner in adulthood as well. It could also be that these individuals from positive families are seeking out partners who are similar to themselves and have had that same warm and nurturing environment growing up. The researchers believe it could be a combination of the two theories.

How can we use this information for our adult dating lives?

The next time you’re meeting somebody new, you might want to ask them a little more about the relationship with their family during their teen years. It could tell you quite a bit about how they form relationships and how likely they are to be warm and supportive with their own family later in life.

The post How Your Teen Past Affects Your Romantic Future appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

But what kind of influence can this plethora of love songs have on our everyday lives?  Recent research looked at the effects of love songs on dating behavior.  In a study by Jacob et al (1999), the researchers looked at what kind of influence music can have at a flower shop.  Interestingly, they found that men, but not women, spent more money in the flower shop when romantic songs were playing  then when non-romantic pop songs or no music was played.

In another recent study, Guéguen et al (2010) conducted a “marketing” survey in which women were told they would be discussing organic products with another participant.  However, instead of a marketing survey, they were actually exposed to either a romantic or non-romantic song in the waiting room, and later asked for their phone number by another participant who was really part of the study.  The researchers found that women who listened to the romantic song before the experiment were much more likely to give out their phone number. 52% of women who listened to the romantic song gave out their phone numbers, whereas only 28% from the non-romantic song group gave out their numbers.

Not only can music change your mood, this research shows it can drastically alter your behavior as well.  Why does this happen?  Researchers believe it could be that this particular type of music lifts your overall mood, making you more open and receptive to a new possibility.  They also think love songs could prime you into a more romantic state, and lead you to look for these situations more and behave in a similar manner.  So if you’re single and at your favorite hangout, before approaching the person across the room you’ve been exchanging glances with, you might want to kick on something romantically charged like Michael Jackson or Al Green to up the chances of a receptive interaction!

The post How a Love Song Can Increase Your Chances of Getting a Date appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Recent research has shown that people who follow more of these traditional gender roles in the bedroom with a dominant man and submissive woman had lower levels of sexual self-efficacy. Sexual self-efficacy includes how confident one feels in sexual situations, overall sexual satisfaction, and their ability to initiate safe-sex.  Overall, men were more likely to hold the belief that men should be more dominant sexually than women.  But both men and women who follow these traditional gender roles in the bedroom were less confident in sexual situations as well as less satisfied with their sexual relationships.  Women were also found to be less likely to initiate safe-sex practices, in that they would follow what their dominant partner would want or wait for their suggestion.

So if you take on these types of roles, chances are you’re not going to be nearly as satisfied with your sexual relationship as those who prefer gender equality in the bedroom, and you won’t be as confident in your own sexual prowess.  You should think about switching to an equality mentality so you and your partner will have an equal say in what goes on between the sheets, you’ll know exactly what satisfies your partner and how to achieve that, which will lead you both to a happier and more satisfying relationship.

The post Equality Now! Why You Should Strive for Equality in the Bedroom appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Recent research by Lavner, Karney, & Bradbury at UCLA investigated the effects of cold feet on the likelihood of divorce as well as effects on relationship satisfaction.  Out of the 232 couples they followed for 4 years, 47% of husbands and 38% of wives said they had some pre-wedding doubts, and overall, 12% of the couples divorced within 4 years.  Among the wives, only 8% of those who said they did not have pre-wedding doubts had their relationships end in divorce.  But for those wives who did have cold feet, 19% of them ended in divorce.  It was very similar for men, where only 9% of those without pre-wedding doubts ended in divorce, and 14% with doubts ended in divorce.  Overall, even if one person in a couple has the pre-wedding jitters, then their chances of getting divorced are generally increased.

But what about those who stayed together?  The researchers showed that couples who had cold feet were significantly less satisfied with their relationship than those without any doubts, and remained less satisfied throughout the first four years of marriage.  So even though these couples may have not divorced, they were still ultimately less happy in their marriage.

But what does that mean for us?  If you have any doubts, should you follow Julia Robert’s lead from Runaway Bride and high-tail it out of the relationship?  Definitely not.  One of the best things you can do is talk to your partner about it.  If you two talk about each other’s doubts and fears in taking the next step, you’ll start to understand one another better and can work to help calm each other’s nerves about the upcoming nuptials, and eventually alleviate all (or at least some) of the doubts altogether.

The post Is There More to the “Pre-Wedding Jitters” Than You Think? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

A recent study by Markey & Markey (2012) took a look at Internet search patterns across a 5 year period. They compared the frequency of using sex or relationship-related search terms with those for more mundane topics (i.e. pets, popular websites and car parts). They found that during winter months (and early summer) there is a consistent trend in increasing internet searches for online dating, pornography and prostitution. Now, I am in no way suggesting that these things go together – only that they all involve seeking out a mate for something other than friendship. Interestingly, these results coincide with findings of other studies showing similar seasonal trends of internet searches for keywords about births, sexually transmitted infections, condom sales and abortions.

One theory suggests that because Western cultures focus on these times of the year as holiday seasons, we have more free time and therefore more time to search (and possibly a stronger motivation to find somebody to share this free time with). Others say it could be part of an evolutionary biological cycle us humans go through when gaining the desire to find a mate.  Whatever the case may be, if you are still waiting to find that special someone online, you can expect a boost in potential suitors as the holidays grow nearer.

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Like what you read here? Try these on for size!

Discovering the truth about your match - When meeting someone for the first time online, there is limited information available. How do you know whether you can trust that information? Find out what strategies other people use to help them decipher fact from fiction.

Who should make the first move? - When it comes to online dating, who should make the first move?

The post And the most popular time of year for online dating is… appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

One way alcohol can affect your dating agenda is by altering who you would normally approach or ask out on a date.  I’m sure most of you have heard the term “beer goggles,” but for those who haven’t, it’s the term for finding people more attractive than they really are after having a few drinks. 

Recent research has shown that the beer goggle phenomenon does actually exist.  Comparing individuals who were moderately or highly intoxicated to sober individuals, the researchers found that both moderately and highly intoxicated individuals rated pictures of the opposite sex to be significantly more attractive than sober individuals did.

More recently, alcohol has also been shown to affect how attractive you think you are.  Research by Bègue and colleagues found that people who drank alcohol, as well as people who thought they drank alcohol, rated themselves as more attractive than those who hadn’t had any beverages.  But this jump in attractiveness was not seen by anyone else.  Independent reviewers did not find these intoxicated (or think-they’re-intoxicated) people any more attractive than their sober counterparts.

So how can alcohol make or break you in the dating game?  The increased ratings of your own attractiveness can actually be a great thing.  If you’re feeling super attractive and on top of the world, your confidence levels are going to be just as high.  You’ll be more likely to approach that person you’ve had your eye on, and you’ll feel better about yourself while you do.  However, this could backfire.  Badly.  A few too many drinks, and you may suffer from “beer goggles” and approach and ask out someone you are not really attracted to, and may later regret it.

All in all, there is a fine line you should strive for when enjoying alcoholic drinks and trying to meet others, where you are loosened up, feel extra attractive and confident, but before your judgment is impaired.  As the “beer goggles” study showed, even moderately intoxicated people were shown to have an altered rating system in attractiveness.

Have you ever logged onto eHarmony after a few drinks?  Did you feel more confident in messaging your matches?

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Like what you read here? We suggest you also read the following:

Closing Time and Your Choice of a Wing-Man – Do people really get more attractive at the end of the night?  Probably not but your wing man can help!

How your attractiveness affects your perception of others – Have you ever been to a bar or other social hangout and been approached by someone who just doesn’t get the hint that you’re not interested? Why do we have such difficulty in accurately reading sexual cues from others?

The post How Alcohol Can Affect Your Quest for Love appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

This story made me think about how important first impressions can be, and what kinds of things can be telling so much about you without even knowing it.  Some recent research was interested in how limited non-interaction indicators, namely shoes, can reveal certain characteristics about people.  They found that observers, who were just shown pictures of people’s shoes, were able to accurately guess the person’s age, gender, and income, just based on a picture of their favorite kicks!  What was even more interesting, these observers were also able to accurately estimate the person’s level of attachment anxiety.

A person who has a high level of attachment anxiety needs to be noticed and be the center of attention constantly.  They need a strong level of reinforcement and are fearful of being abandoned.  The researchers suggest that people with high levels of attachment anxiety will wear shoes that are eye-catching and expressive of their own personalities, which will make them stand out more to others and they will receive the attention that they crave.  But most importantly, others can see through that!  Observers knew those who wore flashy, expressive shoes were more anxious in their attachments.

So before putting on your favorite shoes while getting ready for a date, you might want to keep in mind what kinds of things your shoes might be saying about you.

What are your favorite shoes to wear on a date?  What do you think they say about you?

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The post What Do Your Shoes Say About You? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

A recent study looked into the relationship between a person’s responsiveness to the feelings and needs of another and the amount of initial attraction felt towards that person, and found that overall, a responsive potential partner is more sexually desirable than an unresponsive partner.

However, when comparing the attraction to a responsive potential partner between men and women, the researchers found a key difference: men found responsive potential partners to be more sexually desirable, whereas women found responsive potential partners to actually be less sexually desirable.  So although everyone says they want a partner who understands and takes care of them, this isn’t necessarily true in the periods of initial attraction for women.  But what can these findings do for your dating life?

Women:  Be as kind as you can be to men.  But be sure you know what you’re saying with your kindness and responsiveness.  Men respond to it in a much different way than you do.  When men see your kindness and how responsive you are to them and their feelings, they can see it as a sign you want to be with them and eventually sleep with them.  If you’ve been crushing on a certain man in your life, show them how supportive and responsive you can be to them and their feelings and maybe they’ll see you in a different light.

Men:  It’s great that you consider yourself “a nice guy” and sensitive to a woman’s needs.  Seriously, keep that up or even work on strengthening it.  But, according to this study, don’t show that to a woman right off the bat.  Women do want to end up with a guy like you, but they’re not going to be sexually attracted to you right away.  Women could be mistaking your initial kindness and responsiveness for some type of ploy to get them into bed or even as desperation.  Try waiting just a bit to show them how attentive to their needs you can be.  Nice guys do end up winning, just not at first.

There has been plenty of research in the past showing that couples who are more responsive to one another are the most satisfied and strongest couples.  Being attentive to another’s feelings and needs is definitely an important part of a relationship and should be something you strive to be able to do for someone, just know how to use it in attracting potential dates.

Similar articles from eHarmony Labs that you might enjoy:

• Five Easy Ways to Have More Sex – Some of the easiest tactics you can do to boost your chances in the dating scene.
• Is He Generous or Does He Just Want to Have Sex? – Does a man show off his charity and generosity just to get with women?
• Trusting Your Partner Can Make You Live Longer – How can solid foundations of trust and responsiveness in a relationship decrease your chances of later physical ailments?

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The post No More Mister Nice Guy: A Guide to Attracting Partners appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

A new study out of Wake Forest University suggests that photos featuring the left side of the face are perceived by others as more pleasant when compared with pictures featuring the right side of the face. It is suggested that this is because we present more emotion with the left side of the face. What was really interesting was that when the researchers took a picture of the right side of the face, then reflected it so that it appeared to be a picture of the left side of the face, people still found it more pleasing than when presented with the original image.

This is good news for those who may not have a great picture of their left side – simply make a quick edit so that it appears to be facing the other way. Open the file of your photo in Paint, then click on the “Rotate” drop down menu and choose “Flip Horizontal”. Voilà!

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Like what you read here? For more useful tips on profile photos: 

Men: Think Twice Before Saying ‘Cheese’

How to Choose a Good Profile Picture

The post What Barbra Streisand can teach us about choosing profile pictures appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Once that time period ends, you are less likely to experience a break up (until after Christmas Day). The fact that the break up rate goes right back up after Christmas suggests that people will stay together for the holidays; either as a means of avoiding loneliness, or maybe just a strong desire to get one last gift before the relationship ends. But is this practice really a good idea? On the upside, you’re not alone, but on the downside, you stay stuck in an emotional place that isn’t healthy.

According to a recent article by Kristen Houghton, author of the book, And Then I’ll be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First, staying together for the holidays brings false hope to a failing relationship. Four of the main takeaways from this article were:

1)       Be Realistic – The atmosphere of the holidays does not provide a setting of realistic thinking. Rather, a person tends to view their partner with qualities they may not really have just as a result of the holidays (traditions, increased socializing, heartwarming stories of love and good will) clouding your judgment. Keep this in mind as soon as the thought “S/he’s not that bad…” comes into your head.

2)       There’s Always Next Year – This likely isn’t the last set of holidays you will experience. If you’re sure this isn’t the right relationship for you, move on quickly and look forward to a new relationship – either with another person or with yourself.

3)       Don’t Second Guess Yourself ­– Try not to second guess your intuition about why you wanted to break up in the first place. Odds are, you aren’t being hasty and have given it a lot of thought before this time of year. Follow your gut.

4)       Don’t Make Promises to Yourself that You Can’t Keep – Make no mistake, the holidays will end. Your situation will likely be the same as it was before the holidays. Therefore, don’t tell yourself you will find a way to make it work, if you haven’t already; don’t tell yourself you will work on your communication skills, even though you previously thought they were fine; don’t promise yourself that you can change your partner – odds are, you can’t.

It might be difficult, but having the tough conversation now is better than putting it off for later. Think of it as kicking off the New Year with a fresh beginning. And if you do find yourself alone during the holidays, remember that there are plenty of volunteer groups and services that would love for you to donate the time you would have spent worrying about your relationship. Just because you aren’t with someone, doesn’t mean there aren’t people who would love to be with you.
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Related Articles:

How you can kill love with “should”, “always”, and “never”. Do you have unrealistic expectations for a relationship?

“We’re in love, so we’ll work it out” and other dating myths

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