Today’s guest blog is from psychologist Andrea Goeglein, who puts things into perspective when it comes our ultimate goal of finding love. I think this is another way of saying — keep your eye on the prize and don’t get distracted or sweat the small stuff.
Eavesdrop on any conversation with a group of single women gathered for a Friday night cocktail and I suspect you will hear a lot of talk about the preceding week’s dating disasters and their latest diet and exercise programs. If it is true that you attract what you speak of, what exactly are those women going to be attracting?
I suggest that instead of viewing successful dating as the goal, you shift your focus to what it takes to sustain successful goals. Here are three simple don’ts that I believe are roadblocks to love:
1. Don’t Confuse the Real Goal.
The goal is not registering for an online dating service. The goal is not vetting potential people for coffee dates. The goal is not even a ‘successful’ date! The goal is finding a long-term love relationship so do things that feed that goal from the start. Yes, you need to register on the dating site. Yes, you need to vet potential coffee dates. Yes, a successful date that leads to a relationship is a necessary stepping-stone on the path of creating a long-term relationship but it is the first step, not the end of the journey. The successful date that leads to a long-term relationship is where the journey and real effort begins.
2. Don’t Get Fatigued Before the Real Journey Begins.
In personal development, there is an adage that the longest journey you will ever take is from your head down to your heart. I propose that in the journey of creating lasting love, the longest journey is from your heart back to your head. Once you have had that great date, instead of taking a deep breath and relaxing, take that deep breath, and get ready to train for the marathon of your life. When your head sends information about how your priorities match, take note. When your head sends a message that some major life priority does not match with this supposed ‘right’ person, don’t just take note, pay attention. All that paying attention will take lots of energy and, if you need to actually take some corrective action, your head will need all the strength your heart can muster.
3. Don’t Ever Give Up.
Winston Churchill’s infamous quote about how to survive a war, “Never, never, never give up” is the wisest advice anyone could ever give about all affairs of the heart. Never is the last great love injustice a good enough reason not to try again. Never is there an excuse for being too fatigued to stay aware and take corrective action. Never is there a time to stop seeking and creating new love connections in your life.
Just because these three don’ts are simple that does not mean I believe they are in any way easy to achieve. Each one represents a part of a journey that never ends. The journey from your head to heart is an internal journey self-discovery – it is a journey with many steps. The journey from your heart to your head is the external journey of creating relationships with others – it is a journey of many, many steps. The journey to building the constitutional strength to never, never, never give up begins with your first step and never, never, never ends.
My final don’t – don’t waste another moment. Take that first step.
About the Author:
Andrea Goeglein is an academically trained Applied Positive Psychologist. Andrea is a counselor, catalyst and personal mentor to CEO’s of privately held companies and C-suite executives globally. She is a recognized media expert in the application of positive psychology to daily life, business strategy and goal attainment. Andrea is an accredited Authentic Happiness Coach and authorized to administer Inscape Publishing’s DiSC Profile® and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. If you would like to learn more about Andrea and her work go to www.ServingSuccess.com.