Many of my co-workers at eHarmony were trying to guess what my “biggest dating don’t” was … and I stumped them all. It is such a basic, fundamental part of being in a relationship but we all fall off the wagon and conveniently forget this key point: DON’T EXPECT YOUR GUY TO CHANGE.
I have conversations with my girlfriends weekly where they complain about their husbands/boyfriends, and oddly enough, it’s usually the same issue over and over again. “He is so frugal, he keeps giving me a hard time about spending money” or “he drives me crazy with his selfish behavior.” I must admit I have fallen into this trap of frustration myself.
So this is my biggest don’t for women dating and in relationships. Your guy, and his fundamental values, traits and character, are extremely unlikely to change. You may dream that he will someday stop being jealous, controlling, cheap, anti-social, forgetful, messy or whatever it is that bothers you, but come back down to reality. He is who he is, and you can’t alter his personality. You may even have to ask yourself a tough question: Can you accept him just the way he is? If the answer is no, then it’s time to think about moving on, or being eternally frustrated. By the way, I am not talking about bad behavior here – which you have every right to speak out about and ask for improvements on.
The key is acceptance (which I have seen often times comes with maturity). Heather Setrakian goes into great detail about the benefits of acceptance in her latest eH blog – with some really great points here.
If you decide you can accept him, then you have to let go of what you’d like to change, fix or help — and commit to that 100%. Embrace all of him, his great points and quirky ones. This will make both of your lives much more peaceful. Let this serve as a little reminder for us all.
As always, would love to hear what you all think about this issue plaguing many women!