Is Having a ‘Specific Type’ Helpful or Hurtful?
Admit it: you have a type when it comes to defining your “perfect match.” “Types” are assorted combinations of physical and personality traits that, whether consciously or not, tend to dictate with whom we end up pursuing relationships.
Knowing the inherent qualities you want in a partner is one thing, but knowing your type can sometimes be debilitating and ultimately hurt your chances to find love. Time and time again we see that the clients who are selective versus picky and let go of their preconceived idea of “type” are the ones who find truly amazing partners with whom they create sustainable, passionate and fulfilling relationships.
At Dating with Dignity we’re well-versed in this common cause of chronic singlehood and have detailed three reasons why knowing your type is dangerous. It’s our intention to inspire you to open yourself up to new dating experiences because your type may, in fact, not be your type at all!
1. Variety is the Spice of Life
Imagine being confined to a life of dating clones of the same guy with an only slightly different faces for months or even years on end. Maybe his hair is a little longer or his eyes are bit more blue than green.
While this is an obviously exaggerated example, pigeonholing yourself into going after a “type” can cause your dating life to plateau or even eventually become stagnant. Plus, doesn’t dating a variety of people just sound more fun? If you notice that you attract or are attracted to the same types consistently, and that you’re not getting the results you truly desire, the invitation is to extend outside your comfort zone and say “yes” to someone who is, in fact, NOT your type at all.
2. Date Different to Be Different
Just as with stepping out of your comfort zone in any other aspect of your life, challenging yourself to date someone outside of your normal boundaries will help you learn more about yourself. Interacting with different types of people will also introduce you to new qualities you didn’t even realize you were attracted to.
If you want to attract a person who’s open-minded, nonjudgmental, adventurous, and committed, BE that person. Commit to dating differently to start getting different results. Be open-minded. Be nonjudgmental and take yourself on a dating adventure. Remember, being (slightly uncomfortable) PLUS doing (something different) = NEW results, and that’s a winning formula for dating beyond your type.
3. Self-Created “Big Fish in a Small Pond” Syndrome
No matter how large of a buzzing metropolis you live in (or how small), dating strictly within your type effectively narrows your pool of eligible partners proportionately. With a more open mind comes more viable options — and, ultimately, a much greater chance of finding love. Looking only for Jewish vegans over 45 with no kids? Compromise. How about Jewish with kids from another marriage? Consider how you can become a dating “flexitarian” to start dating more. More dates increase your chances for hitting a romantic home run!
Keep in mind that in order to introduce variety into your love life, you don’t need to start dating the complete opposite of your type. Hold on to the core values you find important, but start by dating someone whose physical characteristics (or income level) differs from the last person you dated. If you gradually take baby steps outside of your dating comfort zone, you’ll eventually find yourself with someone who’s the best combination of all of the qualities you love!
Discover how you can manifest authentic relationships and happiness with the latest dating advice from renowned dating coach Marni Battista.
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