The Heart Beat

Opinion and Invective On The World of Dating and Relationships

appreciation
May 11, 2016

Appreciation

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou There are an overwhelming number of women who feel unappreciated by their husbands. I often hear the following: “I just want to feel appreciated. For years I have […]

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happily ever after myth
May 5, 2016

The Problem with ‘Happy Ever After’

Earlier this year, a reader told me that until very recently she always thought she needed a man to “complete” her, citing the line from Jerry McGuire. Fortunately, she later realized that wasn’t the case and discovered new interests and relationships that filled her in ways she never imagined possible. I definitely recall a certain […]

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undateable
April 25, 2016

A Reader Asks ‘Am I Undateable?’

Dear Sara: I loved the letter that you posted from the young lady who was struggling with dating at first. She eventually realized that she enjoyed being single and meeting all types of people and loving them. Are some people just undateable (excuse my made-up word)? I am beginning to think I have been single […]

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feeling left out
April 18, 2016

Dating Advice: ‘It’s Hopeless. You’re a Mess. Why so Negative?’

This week a client wrote me about a disappointing evening. She met a guy she liked at a networking event and … it didn’t go the way she hoped. Anyone who has been single for any length of time has probably had this kind of night. It can feel very significant in the moment, even […]

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happy single
April 6, 2016

She Dropped Her Need for a Relationship—and Learned to Love

A couple of months ago, I posted a letter from a woman who was having a tough time dating and felt disheartened because her coupled friends were judging her for it. She had written me several weeks before, and by the time the piece posted she had mostly worked through the issue herself. She wrote […]

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how to love yourself
March 30, 2016

‘All the Single Ladies’: Happy Women Don’t Settle

During Rebecca Traister’s many single years, she was often irritated when the men she dated disrupted her routine. She didn’t like it when they urged her to leave work earlier than she wanted, or when their presence in her apartment obstructed her weekly cleaning ritual. She was impatient with men who called too frequently, or […]

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changes in life
March 25, 2016

Change: An Opportunity for Renewal!

  “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” ~ Socrates   Your life has changed. You are now divorced. Perhaps you wanted this change. Perhaps you didn’t sign up for this change. Perhaps you were blindsided by this change. Regardless, change […]

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when a relationship ends
March 9, 2016

Why Do the End of Mini Relationships Hurt So Much?

On a recent meeting with a friend, I learned about the last woman who’d broken his heart. “How long had you gone out?” I asked, expecting to hear a story about several years of shared holidays, family vacations, and marriage talk. His answer: Two months “Two months?” I exclaimed. “But how can you know someone […]

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how to get over someone
March 4, 2016

When You Can’t Get Over Someone: Why You’re Stuck and Helpful Techniques

To begin, I feel your pain. Like most of you, I have someone in my past I couldn’t quite get over, so I had to use several different techniques to nip the problem in the bud. If you are disciplined about it, you can get over anyone, no matter how great they are. The first […]

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heart open to love
February 24, 2016

Is Your Heart Open to Love?

There’s been a lot of chatter lately about how being vulnerable can help you connect with someone. Sociologist Brené Brown’s TEDx speech “The Power of Vulnerability” is one of the most watched talks ever, and psychologist Arthur Aron also received a lot of attention with his claim that you could quickly fall in love with […]

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