The Heart Beat

Opinion and Invective On The World of Dating and Relationships

nice guys and dating
July 20, 2016

Leave Room For the Nice Guys

Dear Sara: I’m 49 years old. I’ve never been married, and have no children. I dated a guy for 15 years, thought we would be married and have kids, and we have been broken up for over 10 years. It took me three years to get over that relationship because he immediately found someone 10 years […]

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dating advice
July 13, 2016

Why We Love People Who ‘Speak Our Language’

Your mother was right: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Especially in the search for romantic love. A study by University of Texas psychologists James Pennebaker and Molly Ireland found that people with similar speaking and writing styles show more romantic interest in one another than those with more divergent language […]

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loneliness
June 16, 2016

Feeling Lonely? You’re Not Alone

If you’re single and searching for a partner, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. In fact, it could mean the opposite. People who enjoy being on their own are less likely to settle for mediocre relationships, while those who fear solitude usually have lower standards. Maike Luhman, a psychologist at the University of Cologne in […]

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wants sex all the time
June 14, 2016

When Your Partner Wants Sex All the Time: What it Means

Not long ago, a female client came to see me for help with stress in her marriage. She and her husband had been married only a year, and they had been dating two years prior to that. One year into the marriage, he wanted sex all the time. My client came to see me because […]

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friendships importance
June 13, 2016

The Importance of Friendship in a Couples’ World

Writer Briallen Hopper once had a close friend explain her priorities in precise order: her child, her husband, her work, her friends. “In her life, a kid thing would always trump a partner thing; a work thing would always trump a friend thing. This was the best way she knew of trying to impose some […]

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getting married nowadays
June 8, 2016

Should Every Couple Get Premarital Counseling?

In an ideal world, every couple who plans to get married would go to premarital counseling. In that world, seeing a counselor before marriage would be so expected that people would actually frown on couples who don’t do it. Largely because of the stigma that still exists around counseling and psychotherapy, many couples don’t go. Many men […]

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battle of sexes
June 6, 2016

Let’s End The Bogus Battle of the Sexes

Shortly after my book, It’s Not You, was released, I was giving a reading in Brooklyn, NY, when a reader asked me why relationship books like mine are always written for women. “Because women buy the books,” I said. My editor and publicist, sitting in the front row, both nodded. This, I added, wasn’t necessarily […]

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443018
May 24, 2016

You Remind Me of Me (and That’s Hot)

At two bars in France, three women attended speed-dating sessions with specific instructions from a research team: mimic certain men they met, and take pains not to mimic others. For the uninitiated, speed-dating is a system where a large group of singles are paired off and placed at tables for short “dates” of about five […]

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appreciation
May 11, 2016

Appreciation

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou There are an overwhelming number of women who feel unappreciated by their husbands. I often hear the following: “I just want to feel appreciated. For years I have […]

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happily ever after myth
May 5, 2016

The Problem with ‘Happy Ever After’

Earlier this year, a reader told me that until very recently she always thought she needed a man to “complete” her, citing the line from Jerry McGuire. Fortunately, she later realized that wasn’t the case and discovered new interests and relationships that filled her in ways she never imagined possible. I definitely recall a certain […]

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