Should you consider a person who doesn’t have clear financial goals as a lifelong partner? Balancing the family budget requires teamwork and setting common goals. People who are in love support each other through thick and thin—through good and bad financial times. Before you decide that he or she is the right person to marry, you need to take a serious look at how they view financial goals, choices and commitments.

Since the number one cause of disagreements in marriages is financial, it’s critical to observe if the partner you think you want to marry exhibits any of these 12 financial warning signs:

1. You are not on the same financial page. In fact, you disagree about almost all financial goals, choices, and commitments.

2. When you quiz them about their personal budget, it’s clear they don’t have one. When you suggest that budgeting is a good thing and try to show them how to prepare a financial budget, they act disinterested or feign interest and never go any further.

3. Rather than pay off their credit cards each month, they pay the minimum. They often pay late or don’t pay them at all. This is a regular occurrence because they never seem to have enough money to pay their bills.

4. Your partner is often out of work. They blame other people, the high unemployment rate or other circumstances beyond their control for this lack of employment. They often say that it’s just a temporary situation, but even when they’re working they don’t seem to keep a job for very long.

5. He or she excessively spends money without regard to income. It seems that they are living far beyond their ability to support that level of lifestyle. When they want something, they buy it without regard to what it costs or how they will pay for it

6. They tend to be tight-lipped about their financial situation. In successful marriages, partners talk about anything and everything. There are no secrets. If he/she doesn’t want to talk about a financial situation or life goals — that’s a red flag.

7. Since you started dating, they have asked to borrow money from you … repeatedly. While this isn’t in and of itself all that much of a problem, it’s another warning sign that should alert you to dig further into their financial philosophy. For example: A man who wants to make a good impression is rarely going to borrow money from the woman he’s trying to impress.

8. You’ve noticed bills laying on their desk or kitchen table marked “overdue” or “past due.” This is an indication of a serious problem. Credit ratings are easily available with much emphasis on paying bills on time. Neglecting to pay bills indicates a lack of concern for a good credit rating or financial credibility.

9. They still live in their mother’s house. While there may be good reasons for this arrangement, it does bring up a cause for concern. Are they there to help out their mother? Is he there because it’s easier to live there than go out and earn a real income? Is she there while she’s saving money to buy her own house? It’s important to understand their reasons (and there should be some).

10. If they are in a financial rut, they lack ambition to get out of it. Without ambition, the two of you are going to have a hard time making your marriage work.

11. He or she has been in college or a training program for a disproportionately large amount of time. You’re beginning to wonder if your date will ever graduate. While it’s commendable to gain additional education or training, eventually, you have to graduate and find a job.

12. Ladies: You often end up paying when you two go out to dinner, a movie, a concert or a sporting event. While in today’s culture it’s appropriate for the woman to occasionally pay the bill on a date, you shouldn’t make it a habit. If the guy you’re in love with often asks you to pay the bill, it’s a red flag. You need to do your homework and investigate further into his financial plans, philosophy, and practices.

The last thing you want to do is marry a person who doesn’t have a financial plan, good financial practices or a financial philosophy that matches yours. If you go ahead and marry them when you don’t agree on finances, you will end up with money problems and endless arguments.

Creating a successful marriage or relationship is not always the easiest thing to do, but the fact that you’re reading this suggests you’re highly interested in making your marriage or relationship work!

More at YourTango:

How do you know that you’re in a healthy relationship?

Love & Crime: Why Jodi Arias Is Lying About Wanting To Die

3 Love Quotes from Joyce Brothers You Need to Read 

The post Twelve Signs You’re Dating a Financial Nightmare appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Most articles that offer dating tips will tell you what you did wrong on a date by recounting the deadly mistakes that are keeping you single: “Don’t be too fat, but don’t be too skinny.” “Don’t talk about your job, but do talk about your career goals.” “Be interesting … no, be interested. No, act cool.” Enough of that already!

The real reason you don’t have the love that you deserve isn’t how you acted on a date. It isn’t because you said the wrong thing or that you smiled at the waiter. It isn’t because you texted the guy after the date to thank him.

Here’s the hard truth: you picked someone who would leave you before you even went out on that date. Before you even spoke to this man, your mate selection mechanism was set on heartache. But the good news is, you can change your “Love Picker” and turn on your “Love Switch.”

Why do we pick the wrong people? There is a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. We think it’s chemistry when the fireworks go off, but what’s actually happening is that your inner drama queen is having a field day. You’re bored with the nice guys and crave attention from the man who acts disinterested. Most people think they will never have chemistry with someone “nice” and that could very well be true. If you don’t change your mate selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious red flags, believing, that “this relationship” will be different … but nothing changes.

The key to finding true love is to discover the mechanism in your subconscious (we call it your inner Adam or Eve), which fits like a puzzle piece with potential partners. You don’t have to change how you act, your clothes, your weight, or your personality; you just need to shift your piece of the puzzle. When your puzzle piece shifts, you will see that the men or women you meet will start to change as well. You can have conscious chemistry with someone who wants commitment and love just like you. You will feel the fireworks, but it won’t be followed by a night of Ben & Jerry’s on the couch (unless you and your partner enjoy sweet treats together).

There are a few ways to change your “Love Picker.” In fact, your subconscious mind is always giving you clues on how to change it. It keeps bringing you heartache so that you can finally make an adjustment.

You may not have known that you can change it before today, but here is how:

1. Break bad patterns. Look for common themes in your relationships and figure out where the patterns have their roots. Try to identify the underlying fear you likely have of actually getting close to someone. Face the fear so you can break the bad pattern

2. Pay attention to your dreams. Your dreams are a treasury of insight and information to guide you on your journey to a fulfilling relationship. They speak to you in symbolic language so you need to journal about them and follow your inner guidance.

3. Create an inner dialogue. Work with your subconscious mind by visualizing and facing the part of you that acts as the picker. Ask yourself questions and trust the answers that come to you.

4. Get a guide. Hire a coach that specializes in subconscious work. This is the fastest way to get yourself aligned with love.

Once you shift your subconscious even slightly, you will see a huge difference in who you’re attracted to and who is attracted to you. You may even notice that more opportunities will show up to meet nice guys, and that friends will come out of nowhere to introduce you to someone worthy.

The bottom line is that you don’t have to worry about saying the right things or playing the dating game. Your picker, if well-tuned, will always give you the love match you most desire. Isn’t that much easier than wondering if you should wait three days to call him?

More at YourTango:

Want to Find Out If He’s The One? Take Your Love On The Road

Why You Judge Your Partner and How to Stop It

5 Mistakes Wives Make That Lead to Divorce

The post The Biggest Reason You Always Fall in Love with the Wrong Person appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

I recently returned from a long weekend in Utah where I hiked, rappelled into a slot canyon, and climbed back out again. This is not normal for me. I’m not used to hiking up mountains and standing on the edge of sheer drops where one misstep could lead to a quick drop hundreds of feet down to the ground (yes, my guide smiled and responded when I asked her about liability; she reminded me that I did sign a piece of paper waiving all of my rights should something happen to me!).

It was amazing. The scenery was breathtaking. The adventure fueled me. I came back refreshed and renewed, and vowed I would do things like this more often. It could be because I spent a few days outside – fresh air, amazing views, lots of laughter with great friends (and I didn’t have to worry about fixing dinner for 4 nights!). I’m sure all of that was part of it.

But, I strongly believe that it had a great deal more to do with the fact that I completely stepped outside of my comfort zone, got my adrenaline flowing, dealt with a little bit of fear and nervousness (OK, a lot of fear and nervousness), and did something I had never done before.

There is something about challenging yourself, and doing something a bit different that gives you confidence, an edge, and a sense of accomplishment that does wonders for your personal growth. There is something about overcoming some nerves that builds confidence. Something about trying something new and being really clumsy in the beginning, but soon figuring it out, that makes you proud of yourself. I can’t describe this feeling, but it’s a comfort (more like a strength!) in knowing that you stepped outside of your comfort zone.

Here is my challenge to you: challenge yourself! Do something different. Do something you have never done before that gets your adrenaline flowing just a bit (or a lot).  Do something which makes you a tiny bit nervous. For some (crazy!) people, this could be jumping out of an airplane, but it doesn’t have to be that extreme. For others, it might be joining a new club or group where you don’t know anyone. It might be going on a singles trip. It might be trying a new restaurant – alone. It might be taking a road trip to visit an old friend. It might be taking up a new sport (even though you feel your body is going to protest loudly!).

The point is to do something – something different and outside of your normal routine! If something is “easy” or “safe” or your own “status quo,” then that would be a good place to try to switch things up!

Some people hear this message, and just ask, “Why?”  Why would I want to do something that makes me nervous? Why would I want to do anything different than my normal routine? Why would I want to upset my apple cart and step outside my comfort zone?  Seriously? WHY NOT!?

Life is an adventure. I listen to so many people, especially middle-aged friends, both those who are married or who are divorced and dating, who tell me they are bored of the same-old, same-old. They are often looking for someone else to bring excitement into their dull lives. That’s what I call missed expectations. If you are bored, or your life needs a little bit of excitement, create it yourself. YOU are the one who will grow from these experiences and the growth is pretty cool because it is growth in learning something totally new, experiencing something completely different, and gaining additional confidence as you open more doors.

Ashton Kutcher said it another way: “I’m continually trying to make choices that put me against my own comfort zone. As long as you’re uncomfortable, it means you’re growing.” Comfort is totally overrated! Go be uncomfortable!

What about you? What have you done lately to step outside of your comfort zone? Were you feeling a little nervous or anxious in the beginning? Were you feeling victorious and confident at the end?

Author Monique A. Honaman wrote “The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce” in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real, and raw advice about how to survive and thrive through one of life’s toughest journeys.

The book is available at www.HighRoadLessTraffic.com and on Amazon.com. Monique can be reached at Monique@HighRoadLessTraffic.com. 

The post Do This For You: Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone! appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

1.  When the commitment is real — meaning long term.

If you’re casually dating someone and don’t see them as a part of your forseeable future, introducing them to your kids is definitely unnecessary. It will only confuse kids if they’re continually introduced to a barrage of suitors. Dates two and three do not need to pick you up at home if your kids are there. Don’t ever bring your kids on a date — even if he agrees to meet you at the park because your schedule is “so busy.”

A better choice? If you and your guy are in a relationship that lasts past the three-month mark and are making the commitment to be exclusive, begin to slowly introduce him to your kids. Inserting him into all of your kid time, though, is a big no-no. Instead, invite him to join you for one or two activities per week or month (depending on how old your kids are).

You can even introduce him as your friend rather than your boyfriend at first and then let him slowly get to know your kids (and you in the role of mother). Set him up to win by making it clear that your child (or children) aren’t competing for your time and attention. A child who feels as though mom’s boyfriend is the “enemy” will have a more difficult time adjusting long term. But a child who feels like mom’s boyfriend adds something positive to the mix will be more likely to warm up and ultimately cultivate a healthy relationship.

2. After you’ve discussed it with your partner.

Have you discussed plans to blend families? Have you asked him if he’s ready to meet your kids? If your new guy has discussed an interest in meeting your children or expressed a desire to blend your families, it’s a sure sign he’s ready. This should make YOU feel ready to introduce him to your kids as well; a partner who’s ready and willing to meet and accept all of you (kids included) is someone you’re going to want to keep around.

That said, if you’re not sure about the relationship or feel it’s too soon for your needs, be loving and firm with your boundaries.

3. When you feel ready to handle whatever reaction your kids are going to have to your new partner.

Your kids are definitely going to benefit from you being in a healthy, long-term relationship. They’ll also benefit from you being happy! However, this doesn’t mean they’re going to be head over heels for your new guy.

Many kids hang on to the dream that mom and dad are going to get back together. So when you have a new significant other, this new person becomes their reality. Keep communication open with your children and reassure them that you’re not looking for a replacement for dad. Instead, let them know that mom has a lot of love to give and that adults have a different kind of love that’s currently missing from your life.

If you do the introduction slowly over time — join together in neutral activities such as a picnic at a park or an activity your children really like (and maybe it’s not your favorite) where your boyfriend can shine — he will start to look like the rockstar addition to the family that you desire.

There are always bumps and bruises along the way, but ensuring that you start the process correctly will make a positive impact on how the transition progresses long term for the happiness of you, your partner, and your children.

Learn more about relationship coach  Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.

The post Should You Introduce Your Kids to Someone You Recently Started Dating? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

When it comes to dating, is it ever a good idea to try to change yourself to find or fix a fulfilling, long-term relationship? Gatsby was the ultimate master of reinvention, so did he violate any of the rules?

Check in to see to see if you’re reinventing yourself in a good way to become the best version of yourself or whether you’re trying to “get” someone to love you back, a la Gatsby himself.

Being proactive about finding love.

They say you always find love when you aren’t looking for it, but they never said you couldn’t have a profile on a dating site! Getting yourself out there by attending events, going to parties, signing up online, asking your friends to introduce you to new friends (male or otherwise), and even just having dinner alone at a restaurant bar are all great ways to expand your circle. Taking a new class at a nearby rock climbing gym or attending a conference for fledgling entrepreneurs could lead you to several possible “someones” with whom you share interests.

Getting in shape.

Long-term relationships often lead people down a path of “nesting” (like eating Chinese food in bed in your pajamas all day long). Changing your diet or fitness routine to become healthier is an absolute positive step you can take to ensure you find fulfilling love.

If you’re single, getting in shape is another way to get yourself out there and feel confident. Confidence is key in finding and attracting your perfect partner. As long as you’re motivated by the possibilities that improved health can bring (rather than the fear of not being “enough” the way you are), this shape-shifting is absolutely approved.

Updating the role you take  in your relationship.

If you’re in a long-term relationship, as you both grow your role within the partnership can change over time. A recent example is former pro athlete Gabrielle Reece, who commented about the changes in her marriage to surfer Laird Hamilton. She recently took on a new, more “feminine” role in their relationship and says she’s never felt better.

Changing the role you take in your relationship can be as easy as planning a weekend getaway so your guy doesn’t feel like he’s always in charge of your dates and special time together. Or maybe he wants you to let him organize your next trip and you’re concerned he won’t find the best deal or most romantic hotel. Whatever roles you take, check in with your partner to see if somehow switching it up can help your relationship morph into something even better.

So when is too much change just too much?

You start losing your identity.

If you find yourself going on “boyfriend/fiance hiatus” by spending 24/7 with your man, you’ll most certainly lose some friends (and potentially yourself). In a relationship it’s extremely important to maintain your own life. Don’t drop your passions, hobbies and outside interests to accommodate a partner.

More importantly, if they ask or expect you to, you can be sure it’s probably not the right person for you. Making someone else your universe and forgetting about yourself won’t make them love you any more; in fact, most men appreciate a woman who’s passionate about her own life and does activities she loves even if she’s not with him every second of the day.

Keeping your opinions, thoughts and feelings to yourself.

Whether you’re in a serious relationship, married or just started dating someone, you might be inclined to keep your thoughts to yourself. Often women play the role of the “cool girl,” shutting down because they feel intimidated or feel as if choosing to verbalize their true thoughts will cause their partners to pull away or leave the relationship. While we don’t recommend you express things in an aggressive way, it is important to make sure you don’t forget you’re in a relationship with someone who hopefully respects your feelings, and won’t judge you for expressing your thoughts.

Jay Gatsby certainly did reinvent himself, but he never got the girl. Worst of all, he didn’t even survive to regret it! We can guess he probably didn’t adhere to the above Dating with Dignity guidelines. Jay/Leo, we’re here if you need us!

Learn more about relationship coach  Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.

The post Reinventing Yourself vs. Changing for Someone Else appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Before I was married, I spent most of my time being single between relationships, and those relationships tended to be extremely short. It’s not that I liked being single, but rather that I knew what I wanted and preferred to be alone rather than in a relationship with the wrong person.

And it’s not that I was particularly good at being single. I went out on a lot of dates but couldn’t pretend to be interested after I knew it wasn’t going to work out long term. So I went out on a lot of first and second dates, but rarely was I – or the woman – interested in going out a third time. I was the two-date king.

Admittedly, I have a bias towards connection and emotional resonance. So I skipped the small talk, was very direct, and cut to the chase rather than engage in that “usual, mindless, boring, getting-to-know-you chit-chat” that Uma Thurman nailed so perfectly in ‘Pulp Fiction’. This tended to drive most women away pretty quickly.

At one point, I even started to get a bit worried and asked a friend, “If I can’t get past the second or third date, how am I going to find a girlfriend, let alone a wife?” His insightful response has resonated with me for years: “If you can figure out in two or three dates that you don’t want to be with someone, you’re saving yourself a lot of time!”

Suddenly, “three dates and you’re out” felt like a virtue, especially as I looked around at single friends who were in a series of short-term relationships that were doomed from the start. I realized how much time and energy I was saving, how many more opportunities I had to meet the right woman since I was never tied up with the wrong one.

So how does this apply to you, especially if you don’t mind small talk and tend to be on your best behavior when you first meet someone? As radical as this sounds, try to drive your dates away by being… the most honest, open, authentic you possible. Because the ones who stick around like what they’ve seen and are likely able to go deeper.

And these are the ones with whom you might find a deeper emotional connection.

At the same time, if there are things you don’t like about a person, don’t beat yourself up for being too critical or too picky. You’re not. You’re simply being discriminating. And that little problem that you’re trying to ignore is most likely just the tip of the iceberg.

So unless you like dating to nowhere, don’t go out on dates four, five and six unless you already have a sense after dates two and three that this is going to be a keeper. And after a “pleasant” first date, ask yourself if you’d be perfectly happy if you never saw this person again, and if so, move on.

Why move on so quickly? Do the math. If you have a series of six-month to two-year relationships with the wrong person, you’ll be single and forty before you know it. In any case, it’s a numbers game, so be patient. Don’t tie yourself up with the wrong guy or girl. That way you’ll be available to meet the right person. Or as I read on a recent Facebook post: “When you stop chasing the wrong guys, you give the right guys a chance to catch you.”

Paul N. Weinberg is the best-selling author of several books, including The Simple Solution to Rubik’s Cube, which was the best-selling book of 1981 with over six million copies sold. He is a serial entrepreneur and holds a master’s degree from Stanford University. His latest, The I Factor, was recently published to rave reviews and endorsements from some of today’s biggest celebrities, including Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, and Sofia Vergara. Available exclusively online in print and ebook versions through Amazon.com and the Apple iTunes Bookstore.

The book was written from the unique perspective of an ex-husband and wife who, over the course of nearly twenty-five years, have maintained an enduring connection through dating, marriage and divorce. It distills their accumulated wisdom about emotional intimacy acquired through their own personal journeys, their relationships with each other and with others, and a long-term commitment to personal growth. It is the result of what they’ve lived and learned.

© 2012 by Paul N. Weinberg

The post The I Factor: How to Lose a Guy in Three Dates appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Single women learn a lot about men during our search for “the one” but after all we’ve read, said and done, have we been searching in all the wrong places?

We single women think we know a lot about men. We talk about them a lot, we’ve heard a lot about them from our mothers, our big sisters, our girlfriends and from books like “Why Men Love Bitches” and “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” After all of our vast research — and that includes our share of relationships with them (where we really learned a lot about men) — we enrolled in “finding love” seminars, bought more books and read even more articles in women’s magazines. And still, we kept searching, searching, searching for “the one” — our one.

By the time we were in our 30s, we knew, or thought we knew, everything about men — that they were only interested in sex, they were cheaters, liars, selfish and egotistical jerks, sloppy and helpless babies, especially when sick. Nevertheless, we were certain we still wanted one — “the one” — and continued to spend a lot of time looking for him at happy hours, online dating services, singles mixers and sports events, believing that if we just looked long and hard enough, “the one” would appear, different from all the others, and we would finally be happy and complete.

Now guys, before you get too smug, it’s not just women who do this. You do it too. You think you know a lot about women — that they’re bitchy, bossy, gold diggers, gossipy, stuck up, spoiled, nit-picky and demanding. And despite what you think you know about women, you want one too and fall into a similar mindset that there’s someone out there, outside of yourself, who will one day be your other half.

The one we all seek, “the one,” is beautiful inside and out, dependable, responsible, confident, worldly, wise, sensitive, warm, affectionate, trustworthy, faithful, supportive, dedicated and passionate about something in their life. But try as we may, we continue to have the same experience, over and over, and the hungry search goes on.

When he or she doesn’t materialize, we blame our city, our jobs, the season, the era, whatever. But we never stop to consider that instead of focusing on finding “the one,” our energy would be better spent on becoming “the one” ourselves.

Rather than feeling incomplete and trying to fill the hole that gnaws inside us, what if we focused instead on developing the qualities we seek so urgently outside of ourselves? If we focused on becoming “the one” and found self-acceptance, freedom and empowerment within ourselves, if we learned to be content and fulfilled regardless of whether or not we happened to have a romantic partner in our lives, if we attracted the energy we projected, maybe we’d find that our relationship status no longer has such a powerful influence on our identity — and that being single was simply an attitude of self-acceptance and the willingness to see ourselves complete as a party of one.

Many experts say the key to finding a soulmate is focusing on yourself first and foremost, do you agree with this?

Kim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. A single lifestyle expert and an outspoken champion of single people everywhere, Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community

The post What Women Searching for ‘The One’ May be Missing appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Below find a list of Dating with Dignity’s top five questions you should ask an online date.

Things to note: Please DON’T send a list of questions in a personal email. You’ll make your potential suitor think they’re interviewing for a job! Sprinkle them over a few notes back and forth, and try to make them flow organically. Writing an email that starts with “Hi. What’s your most embarrassing moment?” is probably not going to get the kind of answer you’re actually looking for. Better yet, try to take it offline as quickly as possible so you can move away from being penpals and move into live “data-dating,” in which you’re collecting data about your potential partner while having FUN.

We do believe that while the best way to get to know if you share values as well as chemistry is to observe whether a person’s actions match their words in real life; however, as a precursor, use this list to discover if that “future special someone” you just met online is the real thing.

1. What are you looking for in a relationship? Possible answers to this question include “I’m just looking to have fun, and if I meet the right woman then I would be open to a relationship,”  “I’m looking for ‘the one,’” or “I’m open to the possibilities of a long-term relationship, but I’m sort of looking for something casual right now.”

Most people online are fairly honest in their intention. Based on their answer, you can evaluate if what they’re looking for matches what YOU are looking for. If it does, great! And if it doesn’t, someone else is right around the corner.

Remember, once he meets you, he will most likely not change his relationship goals; thus, beware of the “kick the tires” type of dater who says “If the right one shows up, then I would be in a relationship.” The truth is, this person is more likely to be a casual kind of person rather than a partner who is really ready to commit.

2. What’s your most embarrassing moment? This one will help you determine if your online date has a sense of humor! Opening up with your story is a great way to grease the wheels so that they feel comfortable opening up to you! Remember, though, to pick a story that reflects a cute or quirky habit you may have. Sharing (a la “Ready for Love”) about a bodily function oops is never sexy. Keep it light, flirty and fun. It’s an opportunity to laugh together, show your confidence, and nothing more.

3. What does your ideal Saturday morning look like? Having similar schedules or ideas for how to spend a weekend is a good indicator of your compatibility with an online date. If their idea is a six a.m. bike ride followed by a full day of work, and you prefer to lay in bed all day and catch up on ‘Game of Thrones’… let’s just say it might be slightly more difficult for you two to find common interests: not impossible, just less likely!

4. What about my profile made you want to write me? This can help weed out someone who mass copy/pasted a message to 50 other people…and will make him/her actually read your profile! Also they’ll have to tell you if it was your photos, your wit, or some combination of both. It’s a great question also to see if your suitor is comfortable giving and receiving compliments! Watch out for self-deprecating humor. If she or he has a hard time with that, it could be an indication that the person may not truly be ready to let someone in. Being able to give AND receive are key indicators of real relationship readiness.

5. Where does your family live? Do you see them often? Family values are pretty important to most people. And if they aren’t? While that’s acceptable, you want to be sure that the other person’s perspective on family matches yours. Do they never see their relatives? Do they talk to their mom on the phone daily? These interactions will DEFINITELY affect your potential future together, so it’s a great thing to know about ahead of time!

DON’T ask how much money they make. Don’t ask things like, “When did your last relationship end and why?” Think of your email as a coffee shop date: would you ask those types of questions on a first date? We hope not.

Do you have any favorite first date questions?

Learn more about relationship coach  Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.

The post Top Five Questions to Ask Your Online Date appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Having the much dreaded “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation with someone you’re dating is a delicate undertaking indeed.

While an amazing connection between two people who meet online can happen on a first date, it’s safe to assume that it generally takes people a minimum of one month to decide they want to focus on dating one person only. (We suggest one month minimum to ensure you’re dating with dignity, which means really collecting data on your new partner before you decide if he or she is “the one.”)  For men that time period can be even longer, as it can take men from one to three months to decide if they want to take themselves off the market.

This “Are you taking down your profile?” conversation is similar to the “What are you looking for in a relationship?” conversation or a “Sooo, are you dating anyone else?” conversation. As a result, it’s important to tread carefully while using excellent communication.

Why? Because rushing into a conversation like this could scare the other person if you bring it up too soon. So, you ask, when is “too soon” to initiate the conversation. Before you begin to wonder what he or she wants, though, we recommend you begin by taking a look inward. What is it that you want, and why?

Taking your own profile down for a personal reason such as “I’m taking a break from online dating” or “I find myself checking my inbox too often” is perfectly fine. However, taking it offline after one amazing date with a seemingly amazing person is not such a great idea. If they notice that you’ve removed it at midnight when you left your date around 11:30, they will probably assume it has something to do with them — and probably think you’re jumping the gun.

So ease up and be patient. It’s important that you get to know this person first. One date does not make a Prince Charming, no matter how charming he may be.

One thing you can do if you feel ready to remove your profile after one to three months of amazing-ness with Mr. or Ms. Right is to engage in a conversation with them about it directly. Side-stepping this conversation is, in itself, a red flag because there’s something inside you that is most likely “afraid” to bring it up.

If this sounds familiar, then it’s critical to find the cause of this fear. Resolving this internal conflict is step one because if you’re not comfortable talking to them about big “issues,” then it’s definitely too soon to even have the conversation in the first place.

If, however, things are progressing and this person makes you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, it’s perfectly appropriate to have the “taking down the profile” conversation. You can simply say, “I’m happy with how our relationship is progressing and have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. I know, for me, I’m not interested in dating anyone besides you right now. What do you think about that?”

If he/she isn’t ready, you may want to evaluate your current relationship status; you could think it’s more serious than it is. And if this is the case, that’s great news to know right away because you can then start to look more realistically at their potential as your match, and continue dating both online and off!

Have you had this conversation with anyone you have dated? How did it go?

Learn more about relationship coach  Marni Battista and Dating with Dignity.

The post When to Have the ‘Are You Taking Down Your Dating Profile?’ Talk appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

On VH1′s “Tough Love,” matchmaker Steve Ward and his mother, JoAnn, help love-challenged women get in dating shape by giving them advice from a man’s perspective. If you have ever watched the show, you’ll know Ward has little mercy when it comes to making women realize what they’re doing wrong.

Here are 12 of the worst offenders (according to him!):

1. “Hair extensions, fake eyelashes and Spanx. They all scream ‘fake.’”

2. “The wandering eye. She’s looking at every guy in the room instead of the guy she’s with.”

3. “The constant playing with the hair. Leave your hair alone; it looks great.”

4. “The constant application of lip gloss. It gets everywhere: on the glass, in her hair. You don’t want to kiss her because you feel like you’ll mess up her lip gloss or it will get all over you.”

5. “A negative attitude. I don’t care how bad traffic was, or how hard it was to find a parking spot, or that the weather is bad so your hair is frizzy.”

6. “Being too self-obsessed. The line is crossed when you’re too self-involved and you’re overly concerned about your appearance to the point where it’s noticeable. Personal maintenance is fine. A guy knows a girl has a routine. There’s the one-hour routine for a Saturday night and then there’s the half hour routine for going to work. A guy doesn’t want to sit ready for 20 minutes. When you’re truly 20 minutes from being ready, let him know.”

7. “More than 4.5-inch heels. More than that is absolutely too much; they look like stripper shoes.”

8. “Smoky eyes. I would like to know you have a normal eyelid.”

9. “Wolverine acrylic nails. A normal manicure is fine; really long nails can be gross.”

10. “Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu without any reference to it. It’s a little off-putting. Say something like ‘I’m going to pass on apps, but I’m really craving lobster … is that cool?’ It’s extremely appreciated. Just as important as a thank you.”

11. “Ordering champagne. It’s ostentatious. It’s meant to be something you drink when you’re celebrating.”

12. “Constant checking of the phone. Put it in your purse or in your jacket pocket. If you need to talk on the phone (which should only happen once — if that — per date), excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.”

What do you all think? Is Ward accurate with his list of off-putting behaviors?

More at Fox News Magazine:

Should You Snoop Through His Stuff?

Are Divorced Men Capable of Commitment?

Famous Women Open Up About Divorce

The post What Are Instant Turnoffs for Men? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.