Should you consider a person who doesn’t have clear financial goals as a lifelong partner? Balancing the family budget requires teamwork and setting common goals. People who are in love support each other through thick and thin—through good and bad financial times. Before you decide that he or she is the right person to marry, you need to take a serious look at how they view financial goals, choices and commitments.

Since the number one cause of disagreements in marriages is financial, it’s critical to observe if the partner you think you want to marry exhibits any of these 12 financial warning signs:

1. You are not on the same financial page. In fact, you disagree about almost all financial goals, choices, and commitments.

2. When you quiz them about their personal budget, it’s clear they don’t have one. When you suggest that budgeting is a good thing and try to show them how to prepare a financial budget, they act disinterested or feign interest and never go any further.

3. Rather than pay off their credit cards each month, they pay the minimum. They often pay late or don’t pay them at all. This is a regular occurrence because they never seem to have enough money to pay their bills.

4. Your partner is often out of work. They blame other people, the high unemployment rate or other circumstances beyond their control for this lack of employment. They often say that it’s just a temporary situation, but even when they’re working they don’t seem to keep a job for very long.

5. He or she excessively spends money without regard to income. It seems that they are living far beyond their ability to support that level of lifestyle. When they want something, they buy it without regard to what it costs or how they will pay for it

6. They tend to be tight-lipped about their financial situation. In successful marriages, partners talk about anything and everything. There are no secrets. If he/she doesn’t want to talk about a financial situation or life goals — that’s a red flag.

7. Since you started dating, they have asked to borrow money from you … repeatedly. While this isn’t in and of itself all that much of a problem, it’s another warning sign that should alert you to dig further into their financial philosophy. For example: A man who wants to make a good impression is rarely going to borrow money from the woman he’s trying to impress.

8. You’ve noticed bills laying on their desk or kitchen table marked “overdue” or “past due.” This is an indication of a serious problem. Credit ratings are easily available with much emphasis on paying bills on time. Neglecting to pay bills indicates a lack of concern for a good credit rating or financial credibility.

9. They still live in their mother’s house. While there may be good reasons for this arrangement, it does bring up a cause for concern. Are they there to help out their mother? Is he there because it’s easier to live there than go out and earn a real income? Is she there while she’s saving money to buy her own house? It’s important to understand their reasons (and there should be some).

10. If they are in a financial rut, they lack ambition to get out of it. Without ambition, the two of you are going to have a hard time making your marriage work.

11. He or she has been in college or a training program for a disproportionately large amount of time. You’re beginning to wonder if your date will ever graduate. While it’s commendable to gain additional education or training, eventually, you have to graduate and find a job.

12. Ladies: You often end up paying when you two go out to dinner, a movie, a concert or a sporting event. While in today’s culture it’s appropriate for the woman to occasionally pay the bill on a date, you shouldn’t make it a habit. If the guy you’re in love with often asks you to pay the bill, it’s a red flag. You need to do your homework and investigate further into his financial plans, philosophy, and practices.

The last thing you want to do is marry a person who doesn’t have a financial plan, good financial practices or a financial philosophy that matches yours. If you go ahead and marry them when you don’t agree on finances, you will end up with money problems and endless arguments.

Creating a successful marriage or relationship is not always the easiest thing to do, but the fact that you’re reading this suggests you’re highly interested in making your marriage or relationship work!

More at YourTango:

How do you know that you’re in a healthy relationship?

Love & Crime: Why Jodi Arias Is Lying About Wanting To Die

3 Love Quotes from Joyce Brothers You Need to Read 

The post Twelve Signs You’re Dating a Financial Nightmare appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

About a year ago, one of my oldest, dearest friends told me she thought she had just met “the one.” She’d kissed more than a few frogs and felt pretty convinced that he had all of the qualities she was looking for. Ilana has a good head on her shoulders and I was so happy for her.

A year later she just didn’t sound like her old self. She had always been one of those friends who made others laugh; I realized I had not heard that carefree spirit in quite a while. I decided to share the changes I had noticed and make sure she wasn’t upset with me about something. She shared that she had not felt happy and couldn’t figure out why. She had no idea that it might be noticeable to others. We started to talk about her relationship. On paper, as they say, everything worked. But it turns out there were a few, critically important aspects that didn’t work.

1. Does love have to hurt? Remember that song? “Love hurts, love scars … love is like a flame that burns you when it’s hot…” Ilana acknowledged that part of what initially drew her to Ted was red-hot attraction. Upon reflection, she realized that Ted’s temper was also pretty red hot. He said hurtful things in anger and she often felt burned for days afterwards. She rationalized that it was just his way — as if he couldn’t control himself. Ilana had been trying to avoid his temper and felt as though she was walking on eggshells. She realized that this was not okay . Ilana began to convince herself that love hurts – because in order to be in a real relationship you have to be vulnerable. I pointed out that there is a big difference between the type of vulnerability that lets someone in to see the imperfections in you and the type of vulnerability that becomes unhealthy. It was time to step back and reclaim her power and be clear about the difference between arguments and just plain bad behavior.

2. Are you living small? A lot of women keep themselves, their skills, their successes, their acumen, purposefully low key so as not to threaten a partner’s ego. Without knowing it, Ilana was doing that very thing.  When they met, Ilana was launching a new business. She had a dream and through lots of hard work she found the business yielding early success. Ted had not been so professionally fortunate and (perhaps as a result) was not particularly supportive of hers. It wasn’t overt, but his regular criticism (rather than enthusiasm) resulted in Ilana’s playing down her potential. She stopped taking risks and thinking like the entrepreneur that she was.  She started thinking small. As a result, the business didn’t fail, but certainly did not thrive and grow. Don’t trust anyone who stifles your dreams because theirs don’t work out. Staying small for the sake of a relationship doesn’t lead to happiness. If you want a relationship that strives for real partnership, establish that reality at the outset.

3. Are these habits deal-breakers or just annoying? Ilana realized that rather than addressing the really important core issues mentioned above, she found herself being snarky about those habits Ted had that really bothered her. Like so many of us, she got sidetracked and distracted by the small stuff that we’ve learned we just aren’t supposed to sweat over. She just went crazy when Ted left all the dishes for her to wash, or when he was always 10 minutes behind schedule (she had a lot more examples, but I’ll stop there). It’s ironic — so many relationships have tension develop over annoying habits. But annoying habits typically aren’t the reasons to break up.

Ilana realized that being in a relationship meant accepting some of the irritating habits she wished would change, but probably wouldn’t. She realized that those habits served as a distraction from the deeper issues that needed to be addressed. Can Ted change? Will he recognize the impact he’s made on Ilana’s dreams and her historically carefree attitude? It’s up to her to share her truth with Ted and be clear about the importance of the support and love she demands from a relationship.

Have you ever been through something similar? Were you able to work it out with your partner or did you end up breaking up?

Learn more about Barbara Waxman, America’s Favorite Coach for Adults Midlife and Better.

The post ‘Why Am I Unhappy in This Relationship?’ appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Most articles that offer dating tips will tell you what you did wrong on a date by recounting the deadly mistakes that are keeping you single: “Don’t be too fat, but don’t be too skinny.” “Don’t talk about your job, but do talk about your career goals.” “Be interesting … no, be interested. No, act cool.” Enough of that already!

The real reason you don’t have the love that you deserve isn’t how you acted on a date. It isn’t because you said the wrong thing or that you smiled at the waiter. It isn’t because you texted the guy after the date to thank him.

Here’s the hard truth: you picked someone who would leave you before you even went out on that date. Before you even spoke to this man, your mate selection mechanism was set on heartache. But the good news is, you can change your “Love Picker” and turn on your “Love Switch.”

Why do we pick the wrong people? There is a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. We think it’s chemistry when the fireworks go off, but what’s actually happening is that your inner drama queen is having a field day. You’re bored with the nice guys and crave attention from the man who acts disinterested. Most people think they will never have chemistry with someone “nice” and that could very well be true. If you don’t change your mate selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious red flags, believing, that “this relationship” will be different … but nothing changes.

The key to finding true love is to discover the mechanism in your subconscious (we call it your inner Adam or Eve), which fits like a puzzle piece with potential partners. You don’t have to change how you act, your clothes, your weight, or your personality; you just need to shift your piece of the puzzle. When your puzzle piece shifts, you will see that the men or women you meet will start to change as well. You can have conscious chemistry with someone who wants commitment and love just like you. You will feel the fireworks, but it won’t be followed by a night of Ben & Jerry’s on the couch (unless you and your partner enjoy sweet treats together).

There are a few ways to change your “Love Picker.” In fact, your subconscious mind is always giving you clues on how to change it. It keeps bringing you heartache so that you can finally make an adjustment.

You may not have known that you can change it before today, but here is how:

1. Break bad patterns. Look for common themes in your relationships and figure out where the patterns have their roots. Try to identify the underlying fear you likely have of actually getting close to someone. Face the fear so you can break the bad pattern

2. Pay attention to your dreams. Your dreams are a treasury of insight and information to guide you on your journey to a fulfilling relationship. They speak to you in symbolic language so you need to journal about them and follow your inner guidance.

3. Create an inner dialogue. Work with your subconscious mind by visualizing and facing the part of you that acts as the picker. Ask yourself questions and trust the answers that come to you.

4. Get a guide. Hire a coach that specializes in subconscious work. This is the fastest way to get yourself aligned with love.

Once you shift your subconscious even slightly, you will see a huge difference in who you’re attracted to and who is attracted to you. You may even notice that more opportunities will show up to meet nice guys, and that friends will come out of nowhere to introduce you to someone worthy.

The bottom line is that you don’t have to worry about saying the right things or playing the dating game. Your picker, if well-tuned, will always give you the love match you most desire. Isn’t that much easier than wondering if you should wait three days to call him?

More at YourTango:

Want to Find Out If He’s The One? Take Your Love On The Road

Why You Judge Your Partner and How to Stop It

5 Mistakes Wives Make That Lead to Divorce

The post The Biggest Reason You Always Fall in Love with the Wrong Person appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

The day I turned 40, I was in shock because I was still single. How had I reached this milestone birthday and remained unattached? Honestly, I felt devastated and wondered how this could have happened to me.

But then I got serious about looking for love. After some soul-searching, I decided to start doing whatever it took to meet a lot of men. I wanted to meet a wonderful guy who had a good heart and was kind, fun to be with, attractive, employed and someone who could accept my spiritual viewpoints about life. Connecting with a man who would be my partner and soulmate was my goal.

In 15 months, I dated 30 men. I ended up finding Paul, the man I married. I smile as I write this, because we just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! And I have to tell you, my husband is still totally adorable and continues to make me laugh.

It wasn’t obvious at first that Paul was the right man for me because we were so different. Our backgrounds, family upbringings, religions, and careers were polar opposites. But here is how I looked past all of that and came to realize I had found my soulmate:

1. At the end of our first date, Paul walked me to my car. He stopped to ask if he could see me again, to which I responded, “Yes!” Then he kissed me on the cheek and started to walk back to his car. Before he got there, he turned around and asked, “When are you available again?” Soulmate check! That melted my heart because he wanted more of me!

2. There were cosmic signs. On our third date, we walked along the beach and sat down on a bench with a gorgeous view of the water. Paul kissed me under the moonlight and I saw a shooting star brighten the night sky. Soulmate check! Something cosmic and romantic was unfolding.

3. For our fourth date, Paul was an hour late (for good reason). When I answered the door feeling angry and frantic, wondering what had happened to him, he handed me flowers and apologized. When I invited him in, he explained how on his way over to see me, he had stopped to help a woman with three small grandchildren whose car had broken down in the middle of the street. Soulmate check! I knew he had a good heart.

4. Of all the men I had dated, my time with Paul seemed very different. Things felt light and peaceful, which was in contrast to my normal high-energy, fast-paced life. This was a welcome change for me. Other men may have brought out more excitement or intellectual conversation, but with Paul, I felt an ease in a way that was uncommon and enjoyable. Soulmate check! We were compatible and it felt really good to spend time with him.

5. I wanted a man who would accept my spiritual viewpoints. He didn’t have to agree with them, but I wanted to be respected. I realized we had different but compatible spiritual viewpoints when Paul and I spent time in nature. He pointed out animals and plants that I wouldn’t have noticed without him. Soulmate check! We both revered the earth.

6. I can be silly and vulnerable in front of him. I once mentioned to Paul that I had had a dream about Paul Newman. I never dreamt about movie stars, so I was puzzled about it. He figured it out right away, asking me, “You had a dream about ‘Paul the New Man?’” We laughed about that together for a long time. Soulmate check! Paul was quick to see the “pun” of my dream and made me laugh.

7. My subconscious mind felt safe with Paul. The first night we spent together, I dreamt about us. In my dream, I was some sort of Celtic spiritual woman and he was a warrior. (He’s of Irish and English decent, but I’m not.) We were considering marriage and I asked him if he would protect me. He stood firm, then bowed and answered solemnly, “Yes, I will.”

Knowing whether the person you’re dating is your soulmate is an individual process. Having been through this myself and as a dating coach for women, one thing I know is that compatibility and respect are the keys to a lasting partnership. The seven soulmate checkpoints above helped me identify Paul as the right man for me. Take the time to figure out what matters most to you and use that as your own soulmate guide.

More from YourTango:

How Your Inner Child is Ruining Your Love Life

5 Words that will kill your Relationship

When Your Husband Refuses to Meet With the Kid’s Therapist

The post Finding ‘The One’ After 40 appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Before I was married, I spent most of my time being single between relationships, and those relationships tended to be extremely short. It’s not that I liked being single, but rather that I knew what I wanted and preferred to be alone rather than in a relationship with the wrong person.

And it’s not that I was particularly good at being single. I went out on a lot of dates but couldn’t pretend to be interested after I knew it wasn’t going to work out long term. So I went out on a lot of first and second dates, but rarely was I – or the woman – interested in going out a third time. I was the two-date king.

Admittedly, I have a bias towards connection and emotional resonance. So I skipped the small talk, was very direct, and cut to the chase rather than engage in that “usual, mindless, boring, getting-to-know-you chit-chat” that Uma Thurman nailed so perfectly in ‘Pulp Fiction’. This tended to drive most women away pretty quickly.

At one point, I even started to get a bit worried and asked a friend, “If I can’t get past the second or third date, how am I going to find a girlfriend, let alone a wife?” His insightful response has resonated with me for years: “If you can figure out in two or three dates that you don’t want to be with someone, you’re saving yourself a lot of time!”

Suddenly, “three dates and you’re out” felt like a virtue, especially as I looked around at single friends who were in a series of short-term relationships that were doomed from the start. I realized how much time and energy I was saving, how many more opportunities I had to meet the right woman since I was never tied up with the wrong one.

So how does this apply to you, especially if you don’t mind small talk and tend to be on your best behavior when you first meet someone? As radical as this sounds, try to drive your dates away by being… the most honest, open, authentic you possible. Because the ones who stick around like what they’ve seen and are likely able to go deeper.

And these are the ones with whom you might find a deeper emotional connection.

At the same time, if there are things you don’t like about a person, don’t beat yourself up for being too critical or too picky. You’re not. You’re simply being discriminating. And that little problem that you’re trying to ignore is most likely just the tip of the iceberg.

So unless you like dating to nowhere, don’t go out on dates four, five and six unless you already have a sense after dates two and three that this is going to be a keeper. And after a “pleasant” first date, ask yourself if you’d be perfectly happy if you never saw this person again, and if so, move on.

Why move on so quickly? Do the math. If you have a series of six-month to two-year relationships with the wrong person, you’ll be single and forty before you know it. In any case, it’s a numbers game, so be patient. Don’t tie yourself up with the wrong guy or girl. That way you’ll be available to meet the right person. Or as I read on a recent Facebook post: “When you stop chasing the wrong guys, you give the right guys a chance to catch you.”

Paul N. Weinberg is the best-selling author of several books, including The Simple Solution to Rubik’s Cube, which was the best-selling book of 1981 with over six million copies sold. He is a serial entrepreneur and holds a master’s degree from Stanford University. His latest, The I Factor, was recently published to rave reviews and endorsements from some of today’s biggest celebrities, including Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, and Sofia Vergara. Available exclusively online in print and ebook versions through Amazon.com and the Apple iTunes Bookstore.

The book was written from the unique perspective of an ex-husband and wife who, over the course of nearly twenty-five years, have maintained an enduring connection through dating, marriage and divorce. It distills their accumulated wisdom about emotional intimacy acquired through their own personal journeys, their relationships with each other and with others, and a long-term commitment to personal growth. It is the result of what they’ve lived and learned.

© 2012 by Paul N. Weinberg

The post The I Factor: How to Lose a Guy in Three Dates appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

Single women learn a lot about men during our search for “the one” but after all we’ve read, said and done, have we been searching in all the wrong places?

We single women think we know a lot about men. We talk about them a lot, we’ve heard a lot about them from our mothers, our big sisters, our girlfriends and from books like “Why Men Love Bitches” and “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” After all of our vast research — and that includes our share of relationships with them (where we really learned a lot about men) — we enrolled in “finding love” seminars, bought more books and read even more articles in women’s magazines. And still, we kept searching, searching, searching for “the one” — our one.

By the time we were in our 30s, we knew, or thought we knew, everything about men — that they were only interested in sex, they were cheaters, liars, selfish and egotistical jerks, sloppy and helpless babies, especially when sick. Nevertheless, we were certain we still wanted one — “the one” — and continued to spend a lot of time looking for him at happy hours, online dating services, singles mixers and sports events, believing that if we just looked long and hard enough, “the one” would appear, different from all the others, and we would finally be happy and complete.

Now guys, before you get too smug, it’s not just women who do this. You do it too. You think you know a lot about women — that they’re bitchy, bossy, gold diggers, gossipy, stuck up, spoiled, nit-picky and demanding. And despite what you think you know about women, you want one too and fall into a similar mindset that there’s someone out there, outside of yourself, who will one day be your other half.

The one we all seek, “the one,” is beautiful inside and out, dependable, responsible, confident, worldly, wise, sensitive, warm, affectionate, trustworthy, faithful, supportive, dedicated and passionate about something in their life. But try as we may, we continue to have the same experience, over and over, and the hungry search goes on.

When he or she doesn’t materialize, we blame our city, our jobs, the season, the era, whatever. But we never stop to consider that instead of focusing on finding “the one,” our energy would be better spent on becoming “the one” ourselves.

Rather than feeling incomplete and trying to fill the hole that gnaws inside us, what if we focused instead on developing the qualities we seek so urgently outside of ourselves? If we focused on becoming “the one” and found self-acceptance, freedom and empowerment within ourselves, if we learned to be content and fulfilled regardless of whether or not we happened to have a romantic partner in our lives, if we attracted the energy we projected, maybe we’d find that our relationship status no longer has such a powerful influence on our identity — and that being single was simply an attitude of self-acceptance and the willingness to see ourselves complete as a party of one.

Many experts say the key to finding a soulmate is focusing on yourself first and foremost, do you agree with this?

Kim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. A single lifestyle expert and an outspoken champion of single people everywhere, Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community

The post What Women Searching for ‘The One’ May be Missing appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

What is also interesting is the advice they have for others going onto eHarmony, because it is very often the same. Here are the five tips that nearly every couple has offered:

1. Make sure you are ready to commit. If you are, then you need to commit to eHarmony as well. Translation: Be patient with the process, and it will pay off. You are looking for lifetime love, and this isn’t something that usually happens overnight.

The amount of time it took before these couples met really varied — for some it was only two weeks, for others, two or four months. One guy even stayed on the site for two years until he met his now-wife. And he told me it was absolutely worth it. But every single one of them mentioned patience as an absolute must.

2.  Be completely honest when filling out the questionnaire and profile. One woman told me she wasn’t getting matches she thought were a fit for her initially. She remembered that when she filled out the questionnaire, she wasn’t in a great mood. So she called customer care and requested that she take it over again. She did, and met her now-husband a month later on the site.

I have heard this point made from many people – that they just put it all out there, they really thought through their answers and were completely focused as they put their profiles together.

3. Know what you are looking for. One man told me he considered all of his past relationships and actually wrote down the things he liked about the women he had dated, and what qualities were not a fit for him. This helped him clarify what he wanted. He then made a list of the values and character he wanted in his partner. I think the key here is that he got totally clear about what was going to work for him and created his intention. He met his now-wife on eHarmony about four months later.

4. Look at what you have to offer and make sure you feel good about yourself.  A guy I met last weekend, Norman (who will be in our newest commercials with his wife Angela in a few months) told me that he went onto eHarmony twice. The first time he wasn’t really in a good place – not happy with himself in many areas, emotionally or physically. When he asked himself what he had to offer someone else and the answer was, “not much,” he left the site and took about two years to get his life together and achieve some personal goals. He then returned and was connected with his gorgeous wife.

5. Keep coming back! As one guy put it, “Sometimes it’s just the wrong time of year, the wrong season, or you have hit a dry spell. Come back to it later. I just put it down and came back to it.” His third time on eHarmony turned out to, in fact, be the charm – he finally met his wife.

The overall takeaway for me was that all of these couples were absolutely ready to find a lifelong partner. They didn’t half-ass it. They all put a lot of thought, time and energy into the whole process, and understood that being patient and having a positive attitude was necessary. They were also self-reflective and aware of what they were looking for, wanting to be sure that they had something to bring to the table as well. It wasn’t all about what someone else had to offer them.

I would love to hear from any eHarmony success couples about what advice they have to offer!

Image of eHarmony success couple Angela and Norman, courtesy of Alice Hu.

The post ‘How eHarmony Worked for Me’: Five Tips from Couples Who Found Love appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

On VH1′s “Tough Love,” matchmaker Steve Ward and his mother, JoAnn, help love-challenged women get in dating shape by giving them advice from a man’s perspective. If you have ever watched the show, you’ll know Ward has little mercy when it comes to making women realize what they’re doing wrong.

Here are 12 of the worst offenders (according to him!):

1. “Hair extensions, fake eyelashes and Spanx. They all scream ‘fake.’”

2. “The wandering eye. She’s looking at every guy in the room instead of the guy she’s with.”

3. “The constant playing with the hair. Leave your hair alone; it looks great.”

4. “The constant application of lip gloss. It gets everywhere: on the glass, in her hair. You don’t want to kiss her because you feel like you’ll mess up her lip gloss or it will get all over you.”

5. “A negative attitude. I don’t care how bad traffic was, or how hard it was to find a parking spot, or that the weather is bad so your hair is frizzy.”

6. “Being too self-obsessed. The line is crossed when you’re too self-involved and you’re overly concerned about your appearance to the point where it’s noticeable. Personal maintenance is fine. A guy knows a girl has a routine. There’s the one-hour routine for a Saturday night and then there’s the half hour routine for going to work. A guy doesn’t want to sit ready for 20 minutes. When you’re truly 20 minutes from being ready, let him know.”

7. “More than 4.5-inch heels. More than that is absolutely too much; they look like stripper shoes.”

8. “Smoky eyes. I would like to know you have a normal eyelid.”

9. “Wolverine acrylic nails. A normal manicure is fine; really long nails can be gross.”

10. “Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu without any reference to it. It’s a little off-putting. Say something like ‘I’m going to pass on apps, but I’m really craving lobster … is that cool?’ It’s extremely appreciated. Just as important as a thank you.”

11. “Ordering champagne. It’s ostentatious. It’s meant to be something you drink when you’re celebrating.”

12. “Constant checking of the phone. Put it in your purse or in your jacket pocket. If you need to talk on the phone (which should only happen once — if that — per date), excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.”

What do you all think? Is Ward accurate with his list of off-putting behaviors?

More at Fox News Magazine:

Should You Snoop Through His Stuff?

Are Divorced Men Capable of Commitment?

Famous Women Open Up About Divorce

The post What Are Instant Turnoffs for Men? appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

I like to think that I am an optimist. Most of the time, my first reaction is to assume that things will work out in the end … even if I’m not sure how. One challenge that I’ve faced in my 13-year marriage is that I think my husband tends to be more of a pessimist, especially when challenges come up at work. The good news is that there is an easy way for me (and you) to make your significant other happier.

A recent study reports that one-third of people would feel more optimistic about life if their partners showed them more commitment. Really? Just show my S.O. that I am committed to him and the relationship and voilà, optimism increases? Done.

Here are ten easy ways a partner demonstrates that their commitment will stand the test of time.

They don’t threaten to leave. This may seem self-evident, but nothing shows a lack of commitment like talking about bailing. We’ve all been there — the argument gets heated and it’s the same argument you’ve had a thousand times. Your mind starts to think, “My life would be so much easier if I were gone …” While it’s completely normal to have these thoughts, sharing them out loud (or even subconsciously) does nothing for the level of commitment your partner feels from you.

You make long-term plans together. Take some time with your partner to develop plans for the future. Plan a vacation, talk about buying a house, share dreams about what you’re going to do when you retire. Yes it seems far away and that’s the point!

Touch your partner. Nothing communicates support like physical intimacy. By touching your partner — a hug while they are cooking dinner, an unexpected kiss — you reinforce your commitment to them. And casual touching can convey commitment because it shows a level of familiarity and ease that is hard to find outside of a long-term relationship.

Speak his/her love language. Does your partner appreciate it when you make his/her favorite dinner? Does he/she love it when you bring lunch? Does praise make him/her beam? When you communicate your love in a way that is meaningful to your partner, it shows your commitment. You have taken the time to understand what makes him/her tick and they know that you will be by his/her side through thick and thin.

Relive your history. One of the great things about a relationship is the shared history that you have with your partner. A fun way to demonstrate your commitment is to relive that history. Plan a picnic to the spot where he proposed. Go out to dinner at the restaurant where you first kissed. Rent the movie you watched when you first held hands. Revisiting these shared moments strengthens your bond and shows your partner that you are committed to keeping the love alive.

Get creative. Everyone loves physical reminders of why they are valued. Write a poem about your partner’s best qualities. Make him/her a mix of all their favorite ’80s songs. Give a photo book with pictures of your love over the years. These tangible reminders of the times you’ve been together not only send a strong message of commitment — they can be fun to make too.

Give a gift of meaning. It can be hard to give a meaningful gift when you don’t know someone very well. One of the bonuses of being in a committed relationship is that you know your partner better than almost anyone. Use that knowledge to do a little insider trading. Does your S.O. love listening to music? Get him/her a shower speaker for their iPod. Does he/she like gardening? Then how about getting one of his/her favorite plants? Giving meaningful gifts lets your partner know that not only do you know him/her, but you are committed to getting to know him/her more.

Be his/her champion. When your partner is feeling down, he/she doesn’t need you rubbing his/her face in the dirt. You are the one, maybe the only one, he/she can turn to. Showing that you support him/her even when they are wrong is an incredible demonstration of your intention to stay by his/her side, no matter what.

Listen more to how he/she feels. In this day and age, hardly anyone listens anymore. We are all so busy planning what we will say next that we don’t really hear what the other person is saying. If you take the time to truly listen to your partner without planning your response, your partner will feel like you understand them in a way that no one else does. And that’s a great recipe for happiness.

You follow through with your commitments. One of the best ways to show you are committed is to follow through. If you tell your S.O. that you are going to take care of the taxes, then he/she will trust and rely on you. When you follow through with these commitments, it shows your partner that you value him/her — and the relationship — above everything else.

More at YourTango:

Why Men Are More Distant Than Women in Relationships

10 Tell-Tale Signs He’s Cheating

10 Rules for Fighting Couples

The post Ten Ways a Partner Shows Commitment appeared first on eHarmony Blog.

We’re all told to “be yourself” on a first date, but when it comes to the foods you order, being yourself isn’t always the best option. Here’s a list of some of the smelliest, worst, most embarrassingly awkward foods you could order on a first date.

1. Beans

Fueling up on beans for a night out? Sounds like a revolutionary idea. They don’t smell good going in, and they’re not going to smell good coming out.

2. French Onion Soup

Don’t be flattered; your date’s not looking down your shirt, he’s staring at the string of Gruyère cheese that’s hanging from your chin. We’ll get to the onions later.

3. Jäger or Sake shots

While some men may (bizarrely) like a woman who can keep up with their drinking antics at the dinner table, we can’t seem to find anything about this that’s sexy. And because alcohol is already known to cause superfluous stomach movements, watch out: Your Jäger bombs may lead to other embarrassing activities under the dinner table.

4. Garlic Bread

If your date orders garlic bread, it’s a tell-tale sign he’s not into you. If you both order garlic bread, well, “What’s yours is mine, honey!”

5. Onion Rings

Have you ever successfully taken a clean bite of an onion ring without the whole onion falling out? Not a mental image you want sticking in your date’s head. And while you’re at it, avoid onions at all costs.

6. House Special Sushi Roll

News flash: Using foreign utensils to shove gigantic portions of raw fish into your mouth can, and likely will, cause a series of silent, very awkward first date moments.

7. Spicy Chicken Curry

Let’s save the spice and sweat for the bedroom, shall we? Chicken curry doesn’t work in anyone’s favor on a date — think Ben Stiller in “Along Came Polly” and you’ll understand why.

8. Buffalo Wings

Any type of food that is served with wet naps and requires you to lick your fingers is not sexy, and neither is the glossy buffalo-orange tint it’ll leave on your lips.

9. Fish Sticks

If your date takes you to a restaurant that offers fish sticks on the menu, go ahead and order them to avoid the prospect of a second date.

10. Spinach

Your date probably thought you were cute before you got that hunk of spinach stuck in your front tooth.

11. Spaghetti

Don’t be fooled, ordering spaghetti on a date will lessen your chances of any “Lady and the Tramp” moments.

12. Any situation that involves the phrase “All you can eat”

This date is likely to end in one of two ways: you’re going home alone because you don’t want to be touched, or your date going home alone because he doesn’t want to touch you.

13. Pitted Olives

Maybe supermodels can make spitting pits from their mouths sexy, but the rest of us human folks should avoid expunging food from our mouths.

14. Burritos and Tacos

Your date doesn’t want to see a Mexican mess oozing out of your mouth and into your lap, so avoid the trip to Acapulco and opt for something more traditional.

15. Meatloaf

“Can I please have the meatloaf?” “That meatloaf looks really good.” “Mmm, meatloaf!” See? There’s no way to make ordering meatloaf sound sexy. (Try it, we dare you.)

Has a date ever ordered anything that grossed you out?

More at Fox News Magazine:

Annulment vs. Divorce: What’s the difference, anyways?

4 Types of Infidelity

12 Things that Instantly turn Men off

The post 15 Foods to Never Order on a First (or Second) Date appeared first on eHarmony Blog.