Are You Guilty of Falling for the Wrong Guy — Over and Over Again?
Today’s guest blog is full of important wisdom for anyone looking to settle down. Enjoy what Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz have to say about finding the right partner, and why you may keep ending up with the wrong ones.
Today in the world there were 3,262,000 first kisses. In the United States, there were 4884 marriages and 2586 divorces. Marriages outnumbered divorces by nearly 2-1. For most it all starts with the first kiss, so there is much hope for love and marriage in the USA today.
Do you ever wonder why some women find the perfect guy to marry, do so, and enjoy a love affair that lasts a lifetime? On the other hand, some women marry a guy that is wrong for them now, wrong for them tomorrow, and wrong for them for a lifetime? What’s the difference? Why do some women succeed at love and marriage when others fail?
When it comes to love and marriage, there is a truism that trumps all truisms. It goes like this—pay close and careful attention to the words, deeds, and actions of the guy you think you are falling in love with. And in the end, pay most of your attention to his actions, first and foremost. The truth is a guy’s actions speak so much louder than his words. Never lose sight of this truism for to do so is put your heart, your health, and your happiness at peril.
One of our mentors, Don Clifton, the former CEO of the world renowned Gallup Organization (rest his soul), often reminded us of the power of “pervasive personality characteristics.” Don defined “pervasive” as “a recurring pattern of thought and behavior.” In other words, these are the personality characteristics that a human being develops within the first two decades of life that, for the most part, defines who they are for a lifetime. Don believed that you are what you are by the time you become an adult. Changing who and what you are becomes nearly impossible after that.
So what is the lesson in all this? Simple really. The people you meet in life are, by the time they reach adulthood, pretty much what they are. They won’t change much, if at all. The hard truth is, they can’t change who they really are, even if they wanted to. Oh, sure, people as adults can make you believe from time to time that they are something different than what they really are, but in the end, they are, well, they are what they are. Make no mistake about that.
All too often we hear a woman lament to us that if she had only paid attention to the telltale signs, she would not have married the person she married. Many of these relationships end in divorce. Paying close and careful attention to the guy you are thinking about marrying in the early stages of your relationship can save a failed marriage from happening in the first place. This is the ultimate key to a successful marriage.
We don’t mean to suggest that it is always easy to tell if the one you think you love is the one with whom you can have a successful marriage. We do, however, strongly believe that taking the Marry the Right Guy Quiz and learning the 33 indicators in How to Marry the Right Guy can help you know what to look for.
Here is a sampling of the 33 questions contained within the Quiz to help you get started determining if the guy you think you are in love with is marriage material. You need to be blatantly honest with yourself as you answer these sample questions.
True or False 1. He is happiest in our relationship when he makes the final decisions.
True or False 2. I can accept the guy I love as he is today.
True or False 3. My guy occasionally tells lies to other people.
True or False 4. The things that matter most to me are also what matters most to him.
True or False 5. We avoid talking about serious matters.
One final note—never enter a marriage thinking you can ignore his behaviors now and change them later. Too many women have fallen prey to this notion. It rarely ever works and usually ends in divorce.
The correct answers to the five questions from the quiz are: 1 is False; 2 is True; 3 is False; 4 is True; 5 is False.
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