Ladies: How to Avoid Getting Duped by Your Date
Written by Dr. Karen Sherman, YourTango.com
Dr. Karen Sherman joins us and goes over some things to look for as you start to become involved with someone new. If he’s rude to his mother or the wait staff — it’s safe to say he’ll show you the same lack of respect sooner or later!
As April approaches, do you think back to when you were a kid and you played tricks on April Fool’s Day? If you were the one playing the trick, it was likely great fun; but if you were the one on the receiving end…not so much.
Well, now you’re an adult and you certainly don’t want to be made a fool of. Yet, as you start to get involved with someone, it certainly is a possibility that the person you’re seeing is really not the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
Here’s the dilemma: You meet, you get along, he’s charming as well as bright and attractive. Why not continue to go out? So you do. Little by little, you start to invest more time in each other and the feelings also start to grow. And then it happens: without even realizing it, you’ve got the “love goggles” on which basically means that you aren’t thinking clearly any more. Everyone else seems to see the character flaws in your “Mr. Right,” though his weaknesses and problematic areas seem to escape you.
You continue to get more involved and more deeply committed. He continues to be who he is. And then, his unappealing traits start to be obvious even to you; even through the “love goggles.” Are you indeed a fool?
There are lots of signs that people give off right from the very beginning. The trick is to be mindful and pay attention to those signs. As a relationship expert, I’ve created a list to help you know the signs to watch out for:
1. How does he treat his mother? And how does he speak about her? The relationship a guy has with his mother will tell you a great deal about how he’ll relate to you so pay attention.
2. What is the manner in which he relates to wait staff? Though this seems like a small insignificant piece, it’s really about respect. If he’s the kind of person who talks down to wait staff, eventually, it will be your turn.
3. Does he call when he says he will and show up at the time he’s supposed to? It’s important to be consistent. Trust is a foundational factor in a good relationship. Consistency is certainly a way of showing one’s trustworthiness.
4. Does he ask for your input about your activities? Though initially it may seem romantic for your guy to set up the date and merely tell you what time to be ready and what to wear, it’s likely that this person needs to be in control…all the time. Make sure you’re an equal partner.
5. Does he talk a lot? At first you may think you hit the jackpot and found the one male who’s willing to talk. That’s great! What is he talking about…is it himself? And…is he also willing to listen to what you have to say? You want to be in a relationship where what you say matters.
6. Is he open to trying new things? If he’s the kind of person who sticks with the “same-old, same-old” all the time whether it’s the type of cuisine he’s eating or the activities he does, there’s a real good chance your relationship will get boring. Many relationships end when there’s not enough novelty.
7. Does he minimize your point of view when you have a conflict? Research has shown that how couples manage conflicts is a strong predictor of how successful their relationship will be. There are many skills to good conflict management and minimizing your partner’s point of view isn’t one of them!
Though there are no guarantees in life, certainly if you’re more prepared rather than steered by your emotions, you have a better chance of making good choices. Yes, it would be wonderful if love was totally based on romance. However, if you want a lasting, successful, empowered relationship, you want to be involved with a partner who will treat you right. When you pay attention to these 7 tips it will help to ensure that you won’t be a fool this April…or any month going forward!
Originally posted at YourTango.com: 7 signs your guy is not the one
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