This is what I have been seeing and hearing pretty much everywhere this week: “I wonder what really happened with Gwyneth and Chris?!” “Another celebrity couple bites the dust.” “Those Hollywood marriages never last.” “Gwyneth and Chris: What is at stake?!”
It kind of drives me crazy that we all go a bit insane when a celebrity couple breaks up. We shake our heads, as our belief is reinforced that these beautiful people have an extraordinarily tough time making marriage work. Well, guess what? Celebrities do not break up any more often than your neighbor down the street, or the woman who gives you an excellent facial, or the guy who serves you your vanilla latte.
The national divorce rate is currently around 40%. Yes, that statistic includes celebrities.
Instead of speculating whether someone cheated, or someone was too difficult to live with, or who will get custody of the children, or who makes more money, or what conscious uncoupling means, shouldn’t we just wish them well? Someone asked me if I thought it was Gwyneth’s fault. I said, “Well, I don’t know Gwyneth and I don’t know Chris, so I just hope they are both able to work things out in a peaceful way for their family.”
I have to admit I am absolutely guilty of this behavior in the past. Full confession: I even used to write these sorts of headlines at my last job (and that is partly why I left!). So this is not about blame, but change and refocusing our thinking to a more positive place.
Maybe we should use our energy educating ourselves about what makes marriages and relationships successful, and what causes them to fail.
I don’t want to be too self-promotional, but I do feel I have to mention that eHarmony’s divorce rate is 3.8%. I feel this is because a great amount of time, research and energy goes into every match we create. We bring people together who share deep compatibility in many important areas. The thinking here (in case you don’t know) is that two people who share the same values, outlooks, interests, intelligence, energy levels, passions, etc., are going to understand and “get” each other far better — and the relationship will be much more symbiotic.
When I first came to eHarmony, one of the first things I was told was that, “Opposites attract, and then attack.” Just a little food for thought as you consider your next relationship partner.
In the meantime, send Gwyneth, Chris and all of the other people out there suffering the loss of relationships your good energy and prayers, because that is what they really need most.
Here are some articles we have done on what creates successful relationships: