Dr. Christie Hartman has written the book on finding love online — literally! Here, she shares basic mistakes many people make as they go on this online journey. She makes some great points.
Everyone dates online for different reasons. However, many people – especially those who choose a site like eHarmony – get online because they’re looking for the right person. You can definitely meet the love of your life online, and many people have. However, doing so becomes much tougher if you make the following common mistakes.
1. Having Unrealistic Expectations
If you’ve ever heard singles bemoan their online dating experiences, you’ll notice that most of the things they complain about are annoying but unavoidable aspects of dating online. For example, they may lament that people don’t turn out like their profiles, that they get emails (or matches) from those who aren’t their type, or that there was no chemistry on the first date. It’s hard to meet that right person if the challenges of online dating scare you away.
The above challenges are all completely normal experiences when dating online. Sometimes, it helps to change your expectations and accept that you will meet people who don’t do it for you, who are deceptive in their profiles, or who don’t take the process seriously. Online dating is an adventure, and viewing it that way can make it much more fun. Once you meet that right person, it will all be worth it!
2. Chasing Your Ideal
Online dating sites offer you a myriad of categories for choosing the kind of person you’re looking for. This, along with the sheer number of people dating online, makes it extremely tempting to target your ideal partner rather than remain open to meeting a variety of people who could turn out to be amazing.
For example, you may ideally want a younger woman or a tall guy; but when it comes down to it, you’re willing to date a woman who’s a couple years older or a man who’s not so tall. If you narrow your criteria to your ideals, you will have a hard time finding anyone to date, much less finding someone really amazing. Instead, broaden your criteria to include anyone you’re willing to meet at least once. You never know who might surprise you!
3. Being Negative
One way to turn off potential prospects is to make negative statements in your profile. For example, it’s not uncommon to see things like, “I don’t want drama” or, “I only date gentlemen.” Sure, you don’t want a drama queen or a jerky guy, but stating that in your profile makes you look jaded and will scare away the healthy, good people you seek. Not the best way to attract the right person!
Instead, remove any negativity from your profile and focus on the positive. Sure, online dating means occasionally coming into contact with the kind of people you were hoping to scare away, but that’s normal. Fortunately, you can choose to delete their emails or refuse to see them again.
4. Giving Generic Answers in Your Profile
From time to time, I will get online and peruse people’s profiles. While some of them are cringe-worthy, most are actually quite decent…but suffer from one problem: they’re generic. For example, I commonly see statements like “I’m most passionate about my friends and family” or “My friends tell me I’m loyal, fun, and kind.” These may be very true statements, but they don’t tell others that much about the unique person you are. And if you don’t convey your uniqueness, how will your perfect match ever find you?
Instead, give people the juicy specifics that make you unique and interesting. For example, instead of “friends and family,” are you passionate about eating dinner with your family every Sunday night or going mountain biking with your buddies from work? And instead of being “loyal, funny, and kind,” would your friends report that you’ll watch their dogs anytime they leave town, that you’re the best joke teller ever, or that you’re a great gift-giver? When you offer details like this, it’s much easier to draw in others, including the one who’s perfect for you.
Learn more about Dr. Christie Hartman and her two books – Find the Love of Your Life Online and Changing Your Game, a Man’s Guide to Success with Women.