“Decisiveness is a characteristic of high-performing men and women. Almost any decision is better than no decision at all.” ~ Brian Tracy
One of my favorite things to do is go for a walk with a friend and have a great talk at the same time. Some friends meet for coffee, or for a glass of wine. I do that too, but what I really enjoy is a good walk in the great outdoors and the opportunity to catch up with an old friend (or a new one!) while also getting some exercise.
I was walking with one friend this summer and we started talking about the guy she is dating. They have been together for about 18 months. They are both divorced so they get the routine around dating and marriage. I asked if things were getting serious — after all, they have been dating exclusively for 18 months.
Her slight hesitation answered my question. I asked her what it was that wasn’t quite right, and she blurted out in total frustration, “He can’t make a decision to save his life and it’s driving me crazy!”
I totally understood what she meant. I have often said, “Decisiveness is SEXY!”
There is a fine line between wanting to have things your way all the time, and being overly accommodating to someone else and never having an opinion. My friend said that every time she and her boyfriend plan to go out to dinner, she has to choose the place. He defers to her every time. The first few times, it was probably sweet and nice, but at some point, she wants him to have an opinion and make a decision too. She said every time they order a bottle of wine, he defers to her to make the choice. She doesn’t mind picking the wine, but says it would be nice if he confidently made that decision every now and then. When they make plans to go away for the weekend, it is she who ultimately decides on where they are going to stay. That’s fine. She doesn’t mind making the plans – just not every single time!
Now, some people might say they would love to have someone who cared enough about their opinion to ask it and defer to them. Some people argue that they are controlled by others who make every decision for them from where they will eat, to what they will wear, to where they will go.
Obviously there are extremes on both sides. I argue that even the most confident, decisive, and independent person doesn’t always want the “burden” of having to make every choice in a relationship. People want a partnership. Partnerships require input from different people. Sometimes one partner takes the lead; other times the other partner takes the lead. At the end of the day, both contribute to the decision-making. That’s what makes it a partnership and not a dictatorship!
Trust me! Decisiveness is sexy. I may be a confident, self-assured, independent woman, but I still love it when I hear my husband very confidently make a decision. This may be as simple as ordering a bottle of wine at dinner, or something more complicated like deciding on an itinerary for the next big vacation. There is something sexy about the confidence that comes from seeing him know what he wants, understand what I want, and decide on something that matches both. There is something sexy about seeing him anticipate my needs and already be working towards them, while also meeting his own. There is something sexy about not having to watch the painful process of someone waffling back and forth, deciding, no cancelling, thinking, opting no, cancelling, mulling, fearing, hesitating, thinking some more … you get the picture!
Clearly it’s a balance between being arrogant on the one side, and being a slug on the other hand. I can’t think of the right word to describe the opposite of arrogant. Slug is the best I could come up with! Confidence is sexy. Arrogance is not. Chronic waffling is enough to drive anyone insane.
On which side of that equation do you spend the most time?
Author Monique A. Honaman wrote “The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce” (2010) in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real, and raw advice about how to survive and thrive through one of life’s toughest journeys, and “The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a better view” (2013) to provide perspectives on love, marriage, divorce and everything in between. The books are available on Amazon.com. Learn more at www.HighRoadLessTraffic.com.