I have been fortunate enough to interview a number of eHarmony success couples over the past several years. Every time I sit down with them — it always strikes me how connected they are. Without exception, every single couple I have talked to seem totally in love, content and grateful.
What is also interesting is the advice they have for others going onto eHarmony, because it is very often the same. Here are the five tips that nearly every couple has offered:
1. Make sure you are ready to commit. If you are, then you need to commit to eHarmony as well. Translation: Be patient with the process, and it will pay off. You are looking for lifetime love, and this isn’t something that usually happens overnight.
The amount of time it took before these couples met really varied — for some it was only two weeks, for others, two or four months. One guy even stayed on the site for two years until he met his now-wife. And he told me it was absolutely worth it. But every single one of them mentioned patience as an absolute must.
2. Be completely honest when filling out the questionnaire and profile. One woman told me she wasn’t getting matches she thought were a fit for her initially. She remembered that when she filled out the questionnaire, she wasn’t in a great mood. So she called customer care and requested that she take it over again. She did, and met her now-husband a month later on the site.
I have heard this point made from many people – that they just put it all out there, they really thought through their answers and were completely focused as they put their profiles together.
3. Know what you are looking for. One man told me he considered all of his past relationships and actually wrote down the things he liked about the women he had dated, and what qualities were not a fit for him. This helped him clarify what he wanted. He then made a list of the values and character he wanted in his partner. I think the key here is that he got totally clear about what was going to work for him and created his intention. He met his now-wife on eHarmony about four months later.
4. Look at what you have to offer and make sure you feel good about yourself. A guy I met last weekend, Norman (who will be in our newest commercials with his wife Angela in a few months) told me that he went onto eHarmony twice. The first time he wasn’t really in a good place – not happy with himself in many areas, emotionally or physically. When he asked himself what he had to offer someone else and the answer was, “not much,” he left the site and took about two years to get his life together and achieve some personal goals. He then returned and was connected with his gorgeous wife.
5. Keep coming back! As one guy put it, “Sometimes it’s just the wrong time of year, the wrong season, or you have hit a dry spell. Come back to it later. I just put it down and came back to it.” His third time on eHarmony turned out to, in fact, be the charm – he finally met his wife.
The overall takeaway for me was that all of these couples were absolutely ready to find a lifelong partner. They didn’t half-ass it. They all put a lot of thought, time and energy into the whole process, and understood that being patient and having a positive attitude was necessary. They were also self-reflective and aware of what they were looking for, wanting to be sure that they had something to bring to the table as well. It wasn’t all about what someone else had to offer them.
I would love to hear from any eHarmony success couples about what advice they have to offer!
Image of eHarmony success couple Angela and Norman, courtesy of Alice Hu.