Dating expert Marni Battista is back with some specific instructions for anyone who seems to keep attracting Mr. Wrong!
If you find yourself consistently attracting and attracted to the “bad boys,” it’s time to stop. Right now. Dating with Dignity has some important steps to follow to stop attracting the bad boys in just 14 days.
1. Reign in your confidence
When you own your self-esteem, you’ll find it infinitely easier to attract quality guys into your life. Whether you’re feeling bad about yourself or just want to increase your “feel good” vibe a little bit, it’s time to make a firm choice for what you want in your life.
If you want to feel better about your body, download a fitness app and try that new Tracy Anderson workout you’ve been thinking about. If it’s your spiritual mind you want to feel more confident in, take an afternoon to research new places of worship in your area or spend the weekend in a bookstore taking in new approaches to meditation.
The bottom line is this: The bad boys (we call them hunters!) can sense your unconscious thoughts, including those that sound like, “I hope he likes me. I’m not pretty enough for him.” To make it more complicated, many of them know exactly what to say to make you “feel good” in the moment. This combination, my dears, is deadly to your self-esteem.
Take control of your love life and jump out of the bad boy romantic rut. Make taking care of yourself and your needs a priority; if he proves to YOU that he’s worth it, then perhaps he’s not hunting at all.
2. Recognize what you are truly looking for
Sometimes you might be looking for a “practice relationship” or something less serious because you’re not ready to make a commitment. Guess what? That’s totally fine! However, you have to ask yourself this: “Just because I don’t want a serious relationship, do I really want to subject myself to a guy who won’t meet my needs even though it might be exciting in the beginning?” Probably not. Accepting what we call “crumbs” — even from a man with whom you have a casual relationship — is damaging to your self-worth. Make sure your dignity remains intact at all times.
3. Check in with yourself on the “insane chemistry” you have with the current bad boy you’re dating. Does it seem to have an expiration date?
Amazing chemistry is just that: amazing. But we’ve found that moving too quickly because of crazy chemistry can lead to a man losing interest too soon. As a result, you might want to slow it down. Regardless of how sexy it is that he took you on a midnight motorcycle ride, or that you felt so good about how he shared those intimate details about his childhood even though he seems so rough on the outside, do you really think that proves it’s meant to last?
Insane chemistry does not a lasting relationship make, so it’s important to take in factors that do — like his actions matching his words and his lack of disappearing on you intermittently. Trust us: even if he makes you feel like a million bucks when you’re with him, don’t forget how it made you feel when you didn’t hear from him for two weeks.
4. Know that you can break a pattern
Don’t get down on yourself and think you’ll always attract the bad boys or you just have no luck when it comes to love. That is absolutely the wrong attitude. The right attitude to have is to know you CAN get back in the saddle. You CAN take control of your love life. You HAVE the control to break your pattern.
We aren’t saying you shouldn’t date the cute guy you met at Starbucks with the nose ring. The tips above will just help you make sure he meets your needs and leads you in the direction of finding lasting love.
5. Break your bad boy habit now
Take the next 14 days to reflect on some of the advice here and put yourself on a Bad Boy Dating Fast. Don’t give in to those last-minute dates or hookups. Say no to him and yes to yourself.
Keep a journal to record how you feel when you don’t have that bad boy fix or instant gratification, then watch your confidence soar. Making choices that are in alignment with what you truly want in your life — a loyal, loving partner who meets your needs consistently over time — will raise your attraction factor significantly. And once you start to feel confident and empowered, you may notice you’re no longer are attracted to (or attract) the bad boys.